Darl Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 My Ex- and I divorced for several reasons, one of which was I went on trips by myself. These were not business trips but for the pleasure of travel. I took 2-5 trips every year for several years. He didn't like it. I suspect he thought I was having sex with people, but he never had any reason to think that except once or twice I couldn't call him at the usual times. I enjoyed being by myself and experiencing things without my husband there for me to look after. I enjoyed visiting my friends and meeting new people. Anyway, my traveling alone was one of the reasons he wanted the divorce. My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 2 to 5 trips a year so you could experience things alone and not look after Hubby? Come on, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out it was for pleasure alright. Marriage builders site says we are not designed to be monogomious. Dr. Harley even admits that he cannot trust his wife and visa versa when it comes to having an affair. He proposes method on how to "affair-proof" your marriage. One of these methods is to always sleep together every night. I think that implies going on vacation together also. Obviously, your own words suggest Hubby was a PIN. My husband wanted to take his yearly one month vacation to Greece by himself as well. He even left me back on our 20th annaversary. I thought, eventually, that was inappropriate conduct We are divorced now. You are divorced also now. And you are free. Happy? Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Yarrow Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Depends. That's a lot of trips. How do you get so much vacation time? Why wasn't he going with you? Is it because you love to travel and he doesn't? Like, you'd ask him to come and he'd make an excuse to why he doesn't want to go, so you give up and just go by yourself? Or does he want to go, but doesn't have as much vacation time as you and is trying to work hard to pay the bills? Or are you telling him not to come because you would rather be on your own? Very different scenarios. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Weird. One of the things about marriage is to grow and experience new things together. Not feel like you have to look after each other. I wouldn't dream of taking vacations without my significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 My Ex- and I divorced for several reasons, one of which was I went on trips by myself. These were not business trips but for the pleasure of travel. I took 2-5 trips every year for several years. He didn't like it. I suspect he thought I was having sex with people, but he never had any reason to think that except once or twice I couldn't call him at the usual times. I enjoyed being by myself and experiencing things without my husband there for me to look after. I enjoyed visiting my friends and meeting new people. Anyway, my traveling alone was one of the reasons he wanted the divorce. My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? This: are you sure all those trips were innocent and there was no funny business going on at any time? I love to travel too, and have been almost everywhere from the Arctic, Australasia, Africa, and all over Europe. I traveled by myself also mostly, as my ex is only into resort type travels, and that is now my cup of tea. It is paramount that my next partner (if any) is into traveling (day trips, overseas and weekend getaways) otherwise it's not going to work Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Depends. If you were traveling to new places that he would have enjoyed visiting, it's very odd to go alone and this would be unacceptable to me (even if I knew you weren't doing anything inappropriate). If you were doing something like visiting your college roommate to catch up and have girl time, that would be fine, and I can't imagine why he'd want to be the third wheel anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? That's not as simple a question as it sounds, depends on the context of the two people. Did he enjoy travel? Did you also travel with him in addition to your trips alone? Was there reason for him to be suspicious even if the trips were innocent? Were you sensitive to him being uncomfortable about these trips? Is traveling alone bad? No, but actively excluding your husband from a part of your life is an awful experience for someone to endure, and I'm guessing that's how I would have experienced it had it been my spouse jetting away from me 5 times a year "just for pleasure". Everyone needs some alone time every once in awhile, but there has to be balance, too little can hurt a relationship and too much most definitely will! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Been there done that. Going different directions and not building enough of a life together were bad for my relationship. While travelling alone on vacation should be ok (he couldn't go and you could so what harm comes from two weeks in Europe?), it turns out that getting lots of separate experiences just doesn't help you grow as a couple and helps lead to divorce. I won't make the same mistake twice. Any future spouse will go with me if at all possible or I will limit my travelling severely. Link to post Share on other sites
lockedoutluv Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? I am sure that there are plenty of people who would not have a problem with this. Your EX was not one of them. Everyone has different boundaries and for a relationship to be sustainable, the opposite partner should be willing to respect those boundaries. I'm sure you had boundaries that would cause you pain if your partner crossed them. For example, how would you generally feel if your EX took up to traveling without you? While you were forced to stay at home? I would find it hard to believe that you would feel no loss at hearing about your EX's adventures second hand, having not been able to participate in them yourself. On a personal level, I would be saddened by this. Why would my partner feel the need to have these experiences without me? Does she not enjoy my company while she has experiences that define her life? For me to not be able to see the joy in her eyes while she has those experiences? For her to not want her to see the joy in my eyes at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
dumped2013 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 My Ex- and I divorced for several reasons, one of which was I went on trips by myself. These were not business trips but for the pleasure of travel. I took 2-5 trips every year for several years. He didn't like it. I suspect he thought I was having sex with people, but he never had any reason to think that except once or twice I couldn't call him at the usual times. I enjoyed being by myself and experiencing things without my husband there for me to look after. I enjoyed visiting my friends and meeting new people. Anyway, my traveling alone was one of the reasons he wanted the divorce. My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? This situation is what caused my divorce. The exw all of a sudden had this urge to jet off to Europe when ever she pleased. She told me her mother went with her. I later found out she never took her mother and any trust I had for her at that point was gone. Our divorce was final September 2013. Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Traveling alone once in awhile is ok, but doing it 2-5 times a year is a bit much. I'd feel very sad if it were me this was being done to. Distance in a relationship does cause problems. Whatever the reasons may be. In my case, it was work. Two times. First time I was married and my then husband worked a butt load of hours. He was never home. We hardly ever saw each other. We didn't even have cell phones to keep in contact with. We divorced. I later found out that he had been cheating. The second time was my most recent... he worked nights, I worked days. The distance between us created a chasm. He also cheated. Now did the distance cause the cheating? No, lack of morals made that happen. But... the distance between us didn't help. Moral of the story... if you don't spend time together, you won't grow together and the relationship will shrivel and die. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 My Ex- and I divorced for several reasons, one of which was I went on trips by myself. These were not business trips but for the pleasure of travel. I took 2-5 trips every year for several years. He didn't like it. I suspect he thought I was having sex with people, but he never had any reason to think that except once or twice I couldn't call him at the usual times. I enjoyed being by myself and experiencing things without my husband there for me to look after. I enjoyed visiting my friends and meeting new people. Anyway, my traveling alone was one of the reasons he wanted the divorce. My question is, how many spouses travel alone (not on business but just for pleasure) and would you approve of it? That seems excessive. You preferred to be on your own, exploring and meeting new people without your spouse. He probably felt left out like you didn't want to go on trips with him. How long were the trips? 1 week? 2 weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 My husband won't fly, so if I wanted to go anywhere far, I'd have to go alone. I think if he had a problem with it, he should have said something as soon as it bothered him. You are reflecting on an issue that may have been big in your marriage..but he needs to tell you it bothers him. If he acts fine, why would you think it wasn't? It's all about communication. Link to post Share on other sites
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