Stay at home mom and divorce

[Lady4411]

I moved to another state with my now husband in June 2012. I became pregnant and we got married in January 2013, our daughter was born in March 2013. She is the only child, and this is both of our first marriage. My husband has a good paying job making about $100k a year. I worked full time up until I had our daughter and then dropped down to part time.

I stay at home with her during the day and work part-time on the evenings and weekends. He is 31 with a degree, I am 22 with some college but no degree. My plan is to finish my bachelors degree at some point. I have 1.5-2 years left.

At the time my daughter was born we both agreed that me staying home with her was a good option. Neither of us were big on the idea of daycare, and with what I made, the take home after paying for daycare would hardly be worth it.

We have had our fair share of issues. Get into heated arguments and so on. He has broken things, and put his hands on me. I have tried everything, bought books, paid for therapy (he only went 4 times and tried to talk me out of it every time). I keep giving him chances and nothing has changed. In addition to his anger problem, he keeps his bank account separate, gives me no access to any money and smoked cigarettes behind my back, lies about it and sneaks around. I even caught him on a dating site. When he gets angry he takes off for days out of town leaving me with no child care for when I have to work, and no money.

I want to leave him so badly, my predicament is that I only make $150-$250 every two weeks working part time. He allows me no access to any money and I have nothing of my own. Everything in our home is his as I sold all of my belongings when I moved out here. My only family is several states away and we are estranged. His family lives about two hours away. He won't let me work full time unless I pay for daycare on my own and at $800 a month would leave me with not much left. I have no money for my own place, no money for an attorney, no money to support my daughter. He says if I ever left him he would give me nothing since all of the furniture was his before we got married. I just feel stuck all around. I know I need to see an attorney, but it seems like a lifetime away just to save up enough for the retainer fee.

I just am looking for advice, or maybe someone who has been in a similar situation. I am hoping to know what I can expect through the divorce process and what my rights are. I live in Ohio if that helps, and I am not opposed to shared parenting as that is (from what I understand) the standard here. I just don't want my daughter to grow up in a tumultuous environment.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS. How do you pay the household bills, like say when you go to the store for supplies or take your child to buy clothes?

 

Generally, a consultation with a competent attorney is free and there is no obligation and they've seen your scenario a million times and can easily recommend a path to handling the solvency issue if that is your primary concern.

 

As an example, my law firm takes credit cards for billing (not retainer) and we fleshed out a bankruptcy scenario to discharge debts and legal fees, though that path was never utilized prior to/during/after divorce. A good attorney presents *options*.

 

In the generation I grew up in there were multitudes of stay-at-home mothers, mine included, and plenty figured out how to divorce and work things out financially. If anything, processes and options are even more prevalent now.

 

I could see a judge granting a motion for legal fees and temporary support in your favor, no problem, then leaving you and your H to work out the details.

 

Hope for the best; plan for the rest. Good luck!

[M30USA]

As a stay at home mom, it's almost a guarantee that you will get primary custody. You have been the main caretaker during this time. Courts are all about not changing the norm or previous patterns. My ex-wife was arrested for assaulting me and still won custody. Why? Because she was SAHM for 4 years prior to divorce.

 

Your only downside is not having family nearby. The judge will inevitably ask how you plan to get help when needed. In my ex's case, she had an entire extended family network in her little podunk town which the judge let her move back to.

Edited February 13, 2014 by M30USA

[d0nnivain]

Even if your family is far away they may be able to help you with funds to retain an attorney. You need to discuss your options & find out if you may be eligible for pendent lite support or rehabilitative alimony, at least until you finish your degree.

 

 

If he puts his hands on you again, document your injuries with the police, doctors & photos.

[Janesays]

Considering your husband's income, your attorney might just go after him to pay your legal fees. However, your initial consult will be free. See at least 3 lawyers and pick one.