someonespecial Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I have been married for 16 years. My husband was physically and emotionally abusive the first six years of our marriage. Because of the abuse I had an EA around the 6th year of our marriage. I told my husband because I felt guilty. We separated but then got back together because he agreed to stop the abuse. He did stop the physical abuse but to this day the emotional abuse continues. Because of the EA I agreed to call him on the way to work, when I got to work and when I left to ease his mind that I was not cheating. He also controlled what clothes I wore to work and who I went out with. I was apprehensive about this but wanted to get his trust back. That was almost 9 years ago and he still controls my every move. I have discuss same with him and how I am unhappy with the control and that he should have gained trust back for me. He states that he still can not trust me and that in order for us to stay together and for him to feel comfortable he needs me to do those things. I cant take it anymore and because of the lack of trust and continous emotional abuse my love for him does not feel as strong. I think about what it would be like with someone else who treats me with respect and trusts me. My question is, how do I know its over. I dont want to make the wrong choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripz Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 He's not your parent, he's your spouse. If you enjoy being a doormat, which I don't think you do, then exactly why do you think your marriage hasn't already "ended"? Marriage is a partnership, not a prison sentence. The fact that his "control" over you bothers you is proof that this isn't working. You need to regain control over your own life and if he doesn't like that, then really, there is no question of what to do in my mind. You've already expressed to him your desire for him to change how things are and he flat won't. Your decision was already made before you posted here, IMO. I suppose counseling would be a lot of folks' suggestion, but man oh man, a control freak like how you portray your husband to be...Well, I just don't see him coming out of counseling very changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author someonespecial Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 we went to counseling twice. The first right after the EA. He went one day and quit because he didnt like what they had to say. The second about a year ago. We went three months and things were okay during that time but when we stopped going it went back to the way it was. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 The answer is if you don't end it now you will spend the rest of your life being treated this way. Your choice but for things to change you have to change and action needs to be taken. Don't reach a certain age and look back on your life with regret, do something to change it. One life..... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 If you wake up one day and realize you would be better off divorced and living on your own than with him even if you don't find anyone else for a long time. .....then it is time. Link to post Share on other sites
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