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When In-laws Interfere Pushing For Divorce


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AngelicEmbers

My husband and I have mutually decided to work through our issues (past infidelity on his part last year among other problems) however the latest issue is so severe regarding interference from my in-laws who are pushing for our divorce I have no idea how to deal with it or stop it for that matter. Ive tried to be patient and Ive tried to be polite with those people as I always do but any advice on how to deal with these people would be greatly appreciated.

 

Unfortunatly my husband is going to college, staying at his uncle's home 7 hours away and I am forced to live at my Inlaw's home with our 3 small children. My in-laws have never liked me and have always tried to control my husband who is almost 30 years old and every aspect of his life not to mention my life and parenting etc.

 

Things have always been tense but now they are doing crazy things and they actually think they can determine if my husband divorces me or not.

 

They treat me and my kids like absolute garbage and all they do every day is call my husband on the phone, constantly complain about me, they lie to him about things I never even do to start fights, they call me names in front of my babies and say horrible things about me while they are around them, they dont like the slew of medications I have to be on (which my medical conditions serious but they are also NONE of their business btw) and call me names to my face, his father actually told me HE is going to preemptively sue me for custody on my husband's behalf if I try to take the kids out of here and go back to NJ with them. The list is long and they have always hated me but they are now out of control.

 

I wanted to go visit my husband for Valentine's Day with my 2 year old and they are making that virtually impossible. I am nice to everyone and always polite I dont deserve this at all. It never gets better and im tired of everything they are trying to do. They actually have told me and other people they want me out of here and custody of all 3 of my kids (which they cant handle at all daily).

 

My husband's father is a controlling bully and thinks he can force us to divorce and then control the entire divorce (hes actually said this to me and other people). They are abusing my children by saying horrible things about me and the divorce they want in front of them.My 8 year old keeps coming to me telling me everything and its clearly upsetting her. I have no car right now and no friends or family in this state so my question is have any of your dealt with over controlling inlaws who interfere like this and if so how do you get them to back off? I told my husband to take a stand against them but he hasn't so far. I have no idea how to deal with people like this. I would NEVER do this to my children and their marriage had its share of issues but their in-laws never did anything like this at all. Oh and the worst part? these people hated me even before they met me!

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Get a voice activated digital tape recorder at WALMART and keep it on at all times. Download each day into computer. Say nothing about. This is your ace in the hole. Tape day and night - never turn it off. The device is designed to capture a heck of a lot of data.

 

Get a credit card asap, if you do not have one.

 

If you have one, call airlines, and arrange tickets to fly to YOUR parents home. When you know In-Laws will be out or asleep, call limo or transport to pick you and babies up, period. Leave non-essentials behind. Transport can drop you off at cheap motel night or day before your flight.

 

Your reason for leaving (that will be cited in the divorce papers you will file at you parents on emergency basis), will state in-law abuse. You will report them to authorities in thier county also with the copies of the tape recordings. Your out-of-state attorney may also cite your husband abandoned you in this abusive situation.

 

With This method - you are finally taking control. But you must be smart and cool. You get me?

 

Hopefully, your inlaws go to church. You don't need a car. You can take a taxi to a bus station if necessary. Take the kid for a walk to the park, call taxi, done. Then send letter, with reason, and tape recordings. And be careful what u say on recordings. Start today. Collect as much evidence as possible. You have to make a convincing argument.

 

You also must get these kids to a child psychologist somehow when u arrive at new desination. When child psycholigist hears the tape and your little girl crying as you describe, they will support your decision. Do not try to prompt anything from the kids to impress the psychologist - that will blow up in your face. Let everything unfold naturally - kids should not know about recording device. Mommy doesnt ask kids pointed questions normally - so dont do anything that is not normal on tape. And you need an attorney asap. Your parents have to help you. But get this evidence on tape, including husband's big mouth, it is critical.

 

Other smarter poster can give you more details on this sort of thing. This is my idea, but I always recommend get evidence and talk to divorce attorney so u don't get in trouble for kidnapping. Yas

Edited by Yasuandio
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All of the above is excellent advice. But this part bears repeating...

 

With This method - you are finally taking control. But you must be smart and cool. You get me?

 

"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." - Abraham Lincoln

 

Do what you've been normally doing. Keep the status quo. For now.

 

The 'weapon of choice' as far as recorders, I would recommend Olympus. They usually sell for around $50 or so.

 

Easy enough to download on a computer (and once downloaded, email yourself the files, too). And they can record upwards of 200 hours before needing to download the info.

The more recent models also retain the dates and times (of when the recording starts) when you download.

 

I can testify firsthand that my Olympus picks up voices very well, despite being in my pants pocket during recording sessions.

And Energizer batteries seem to last the longest.

 

Also remember that the key to recording is that the quiet times (or what's called 'dead air time') are JUST as important as any dialogue. So hit the record button and go about your business. And don't worry about stopping and starting to 'make sure you get it on tape'. It will be there. Trust me.

 

The dead air time reinforces your account of all events.

 

Then "she (you) started in on me before she started recording" is a non-issue.

 

The recording is impartial.

 

And will back you up if and when the accusations start flying.

 

Stay cool. And plan.

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I'd go to the police or at a centre for help for mothers and children and report the verbal abuse. If this story is true (I doubt it cause how can the father not do anything to protect his wife and kids? and why can't you just inform your relatives to come help you? anyway) it demands something drastic done and not posting in a forum.

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One thing I wanted to add...

 

Some states have specific rules regarding recordings. Many are 'one party' recording states.

 

In most states, YOU can use the recorder while YOU are in the room. Because then YOU are the ONE PARTY.

 

The biggest thing to remember is that you CANNOT leave the recorder in a room to catch a private conversation/phone call between your in-laws and their son. You can't use the recorder to eavesdrop on a conversation that you are not a part of.

It's one thing if they're doing it in your vicinity. It's another (and illegal) to leave it in a room where they expect privacy.

 

The bottom line is that at least one person in the room (you) needs to be aware that they are being recorded.

 

Good luck, and keep posting.

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One thing I wanted to add...

 

Some states have specific rules regarding recordings. Many are 'one party' recording states.

 

In most states, YOU can use the recorder while YOU are in the room. Because then YOU are the ONE PARTY.

 

The biggest thing to remember is that you CANNOT leave the recorder in a room to catch a private conversation/phone call between your in-laws and their son. You can't use the recorder to eavesdrop on a conversation that you are not a part of.

It's one thing if they're doing it in your vicinity. It's another (and illegal) to leave it in a room where they expect privacy.

 

The bottom line is that at least one person in the room (you) needs to be aware that they are being recorded.

 

Good luck, and keep posting.

 

All this info is really interesting and useful, but I want to ask, how can you prove that you were in the room while this conversation was happening? I mean, they can talk for 5 minutes lets say and you can be silent these minutes, how will you prove you were there these 5 minutes?

 

Another question is, lets say that you make this recording without you being there and it's illegal as you said, but in this recording they claim that they are thinking of murdering me (for example). Don't I have the right to present this to the police just cause it's illegal?

 

All these are hypothetical questions of course.

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All this info is really interesting and useful, but I want to ask, how can you prove that you were in the room while this conversation was happening? I mean, they can talk for 5 minutes lets say and you can be silent these minutes, how will you prove you were there these 5 minutes?

 

Another question is, lets say that you make this recording without you being there and it's illegal as you said, but in this recording they claim that they are thinking of murdering me (for example). Don't I have the right to present this to the police just cause it's illegal?

 

All these are hypothetical questions of course.

 

It's not my intention to derail the thread, so I'll try to be brief...

 

In the second question, if you are following the rules to recording, then you never learn of anything you shouldn't. Or are not intended to be privy to.

 

But proving you were in the room is easy enough.

 

Something as simple as asking, say, where the remote is, now puts YOUR voice on the recorder.

 

And the OP has stated that the father-in-law has told HER many things in regards to the situation. I don't imagine he's having a conversation with himself, and I'd like to think the OP is engaging in the conversation as well, on some level.

 

If the recording is needed in any sort of court proceedings, a good attorney will know how to use this information.

 

The recording is the impartial party in the 'he said, she said' argument.

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