EllenG Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 My husband left almost a year ago...but won't move out totally. He still has clothes and other stuff in my home. We've been married for 24 years. He's cheated numerous times...brought women to my home when I was out of town for work. I don't understand why he won't just move all of his things...he insists that he still lives at the house. He comes over to cook and sometimes just to watch tv...but I know he is dating. Before I forget...a month after he had left to live at his office building which has a shower and an "office" he sleeps in on a futon I found him there with a girl a few years older than our 23 yr old son. So I know he is dating...but won't admit it. For the last few years he's been using ED drugs..which I didn't know until I discover he was running around w young girls. So now he can really can't .... and blames me that I got fat...and I travel for work (I attend conferences for work). He insists he is NOT with anyone yet I know he is not the type to be really be alone. He has lots of women as Facebook friends...btw he unfriended me a while ago. I am sad and fearful of being alone in a small city. Because of how we lived - my l life revolved around home/my boys and work - I don't have any real connections in the city where I am. I spend my nights alone...btw - my work life has also fallen apart. I feel like I married someone who never loved me...he's cheated so much I don't why he got married. Help - need to understand why he won't just leave me alone..move on. I feel like I'm going crazy! Link to post Share on other sites
elgringo Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Why are you making it his choice? Kick him out! You are letting him run around with young floozies and come home to his ex-wife who will apparently put up with any behavior at all from him... This is a matter of your own wellness to get his crap our of your house and make it very clear he is not welcome. You may need to give him a 30 day written notice to cover yourself legally. After that he will need to stay somewhere else. Cut him out of your life. Amen to everything above. Kick his butt out. Put his stuff in boxes and put by the curb. Tell him to get his crap. Change the locks if you have to. You don't have to put up with this man anymore. Have you thought about going to counseling? Sounds like you are dealing with alot of bad stuff and that can really help you. Once you get yourself centered, then think about dating again. Not all men are huge jerks! Edited January 26, 2014 by elgringo Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I agree with the other posters. Hefty bag his stuff and change the locks. Having his stuff around the house may be keeping you stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 File for divorce. If already divorced, then its in the degree who gets what. Move on, you've got more living to do! Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 My husband left almost a year ago...but won't move out totally. He still has clothes and other stuff in my home. We've been married for 24 years. He's cheated numerous times...brought women to my home when I was out of town for work. I don't understand why he won't just move all of his things...he insists that he still lives at the house. He comes over to cook and sometimes just to watch tv...but I know he is dating. Before I forget...a month after he had left to live at his office building which has a shower and an "office" he sleeps in on a futon I found him there with a girl a few years older than our 23 yr old son. So I know he is dating...but won't admit it. For the last few years he's been using ED drugs..which I didn't know until I discover he was running around w young girls. So now he can really can't .... and blames me that I got fat...and I travel for work (I attend conferences for work). He insists he is NOT with anyone yet I know he is not the type to be really be alone. He has lots of women as Facebook friends...btw he unfriended me a while ago. I am sad and fearful of being alone in a small city. Because of how we lived - my l life revolved around home/my boys and work - I don't have any real connections in the city where I am. I spend my nights alone...btw - my work life has also fallen apart. I feel like I married someone who never loved me...he's cheated so much I don't why he got married. Help - need to understand why he won't just leave me alone..move on. I feel like I'm going crazy! Oh My!! There is so much here, hard to know where to start, Sweetie, you got a mess on your hands and he is eating it right up. He has totally killed your self-esteem with all this cheating and blaming it on you. To the point it's affecting everything around you.....can only wonder how it's affecting your sons. First, he left a year ago.....you are not his storage unit, his babysitter, his mother or even his friend at this point. I would give him til "yesterday" to get his crap out of my house or you are going to have a nice lawn sale in the front yard. Who does he think he is?? Such entitlement to treat his wife and even set such a sh*tty example of a man to his sons. He's living a single life as a married man, it's time to lawyer up. Have you gotten legal counsel yet on getting divorced? You need to serve him so fast his head spins....and you need to get angry, not sad, over what he has done to your marriage, your heart, your family and even your idea of a safe and healthy relationship...this man is not acting out of love for his family or anyone for that matter except himself. It's boundary time!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I agree with the other posters...time to purge him from your life. I am so sorry he treated you like this. Hugs for you. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Put his stuff at the curb and tell him it's free for anyone to take if he doesn't hurry to come get it. Change the locks. Don't allow him to come inside if/when he comes by after asking permission. He can stand outside if he needs to tell you something. Don't be afraid to tell him no to any of his requests. Take action - make sure the divorce is moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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