george roy Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I started a thread a couple weeks ago, about the weird behavior from STBXW after we (she) decided on a divorce. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/453473-behavior-after-you-decide-divorce So last night, STBXW and I were going to talk about the kids. Well, she fell asleep before we could do that. I text her this morning. Me: "You fell asleep last night" STBXW: "Yeah, I was tired" Me: "You wanna talk about the kids tonight ?" STBXW: "That works. I looked at a place yesterday" (STBXW is the one moving out) Me: "Ok. I need to be somewhere tomorrow afternoon. Do I need to call the sitter ?" STBXW: "No" A little while goes by. STBXW: "Is there any reason I shouldn't sign a rental agreement ?" Me: "No" STBXW: "Are you sure this divorce is what you want ?" Wait... what ???? Mind you all, I suggested all the options a couple of weeks ago. We could work on reconciliation, separate, or divorce. She chose divorce. So why ask me now, if this is what I want ?? SHE'S the one that chose this route. Input and advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 She's fishing. My guess is reality is starting to set in and not having you to take care of the hard stuff is making her question what she really wants. Hard for me to say this, but I would stay the course. If you respond with "No, I still want you" she'll come back because life on her own was getting to hard, not because she really wanted to come back to you. She needs a bit of reality for a while so she can understand exactly what you've been providing for her that she's been taking for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 She's checking to see if the bridge behind her is still intact or if it is lying in a pile of smoking ashes at the bottom of the ravine. She is seeing if you may possibly be a back up plan or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 She's fishing. My guess is reality is starting to set in and not having you to take care of the hard stuff is making her question what she really wants. Hard for me to say this, but I would stay the course. If you respond with "No, I still want you" she'll come back because life on her own was getting to hard, not because she really wanted to come back to you. She needs a bit of reality for a while so she can understand exactly what you've been providing for her that she's been taking for granted. There would need to be full disclosure and total transparency, and that's just for starters. I could listen. Doesn't mean I'm deciding right then and there. It would still require a great deal of thought, and if I wanted to potentially put myself in a position like that again. Believe me, brother, even if I got what I wanted above, it still wouldn't be decided so easily. Her candidness might score her some points, but it's not an automatic invitation for her to come back, either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 She's checking to see if the bridge behind her is still intact or if it is lying in a pile of smoking ashes at the bottom of the ravine. She is seeing if you may possibly be a back up plan or not. Yeah. I ain't the backup, I'm first (and only) string or nothin'. I'll know more tonight, whether this is genuine or if it's "Hoovering":D Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Yeah. I ain't the backup, I'm first (and only) string or nothin'. I'll know more tonight, whether this is genuine or if it's "Hoovering":D It will take a lot more than one night to determine if it's genuine vs Hoovering. It will take months of effort, therapy and soul-searching on her part to even determine if you are really the first string or the back up. It's ok to hope for first string as long as you are prepared for nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I'll know more tonight, whether this is genuine or if it's "Hoovering":D I would doubt it's genuine at this point because she's still doing some things related to separation. If she was really wanting to reconcile, she'd go all in. Right now I think she's acting on fear, not remorse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I would doubt it's genuine at this point because she's still doing some things related to separation. If she was really wanting to reconcile, she'd go all in. Right now I think she's acting on fear, not remorse. Boom. There it is. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I would doubt it's genuine at this point because she's still doing some things related to separation. If she was really wanting to reconcile, she'd go all in. Right now I think she's acting on fear, not remorse. Agree ^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Agree ^^^^^ Disagree. Too many carets. Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Don't buy into it. Agree with what she wants. They all play this stupid game to keep you reeled in. I know, I do it daily. Link to post Share on other sites
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