Shocked Suzie Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 So over all this... Got to that point before Xmas when I thought ok, it is what it is... Let's come to terms with this, let's find forgiveness. I tried to do things right, I exercise, eat well focus on me and the kids, laugh and so on. Let's just say he's been a real A'hole, a lot of stuff has come to the surface few weeks before Xmas... I don't think I'll ever get my head around all this! I just wish I could. He sees the kids minimal hours per week, tells them how happy he is He has forced us out of our home (stopped paying his part if the mortgage) He hasn't supported us in any way during the house sales He plays the constant victim, even moans to the kids a few times how much he spends on takeaways when he see them He blames me for everything He had forged my signature on divorce papers, lied about separation dates, submitted these forms behind my back (seriously would have given him a divorce) he's in a rush because he is getting married before he legally should do He's not paid child support for 5 months They have bought the biggest beautiful house with the OW, a house that he had pointed out to me when we was trying to sort things out before we split (said look at that, that's my favourite house) now he's living in it...I'm living in a shared rented home with my two kids I've gone through this year, done things the right way, feel that I can hold my head up (taken the high rd) he has been underhanded, detached, selfish and is breaking the law?? My jaw is killing me from stress, I feel like I'm going backwards again... If I'd been a pain since the split, if we'd had a real unhappy 16 years together, if my kids were a real pain I'd understand it all So over this, feel like dirt on the bottom of his shoe Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 He had forged my signature on divorce papers, lied about separation dates, submitted these forms behind my back (seriously would have given him a divorce) he's in a rush because he is getting married before he legally should do He's not paid child support for 5 months Woah!!!!! Aside from all the other d-bag things he's done, if you don't have a lawyer already, get one! Sorry to hear you're going through this. It's amazing how low people seem to sink during divorce. It's as though the person you once know is totally gone without one shred of them remaining. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Hey Lady! Now that is how you purge the anger....let that mess out. When will things improve??? When you focus that same amount of energy on YOU and the children you share. Why? Because from this post you have given him your power. You have decided to feel how HE wants you to feel. He's not the husband anymore (even if you are still legally married)...he has lost his privileges. However you and only you can continue to allow him take advantage of these lost privileges....and I think you are too smart for that going forward. Stop buying into his idea:sick: of the life you and the children you share deserve...GET YOUR OWN IDEA...I am sure it is far better than his. Now taking the high road has nothing with how you treat him rather how you treat YOURSELF.....CALL THE LAWYER and get the finances straight. He is practice of shock/amazement is working....keeping you hostage to rage/hurt while in reality he has money and a life. The lawyer can remain objective...and cut thru this mess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 2, 2014 Author Share Posted January 2, 2014 I've got an appointment on the 6th, it's free legal advice as I can't afford to pay. I've reported it all to relevant places and I'm not going to let this go... He has been so underhanded with it all for no reason at all (I'm presuming the OW doesn't know our true separation date) that's the only reason I can think he needed to do this, he had a wedding booked in jan (that has to be now put on hold) as I called the court and they said the divorce had been submitted and would be final at the end of December... I went up to the court and appealed as I'm so angry he would do this (he even 3 wks before Xmas handed fake papers via my kids to try to obtain my signature) he must have got cold feet about what he had done and panicked. He tried to push via email me to sign "unsigned" papers that also stated I was 100% financially liable for the children !? He must think I'm really stupid... It's all just a mess, I'm shocked at it all... Not even any money to gain/split that was all done on sale of the homes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Whoa. You don't have a lawyer yet????? What the hell are you waiting for??? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Sweetie!! You need to watch your back big time!! You have 100% financial responsibility for the kids when you can't even afford an attorney?? Be careful!! In some states, a spouse can file with the court and if you don't show up in person to answer the complaint, the papers he turned in could stand. No matter who you report the papers being wrong to, 30 days and no signature or documented dispute, his papers will stand. My first exH had a bunch of crap wrong, my simpleton $200 paper writer lawyer didn't get the papers to the court in time and his papers became our divorce agreement. When you speak to this person on the 6th, ask the. If that would stand or if you can be divorced and then ask for a modification with full financial disclosure. Actually, I would wait until the scumbag is married as her income will go to help support your children too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 (edited) Glad you have this appointment. It may be possible that he has to pay for your lawyer, that would be a great question. Step into reality....find out thru the court the true financial state is. Very possible he has been hoarding/hiding money. You are too emotionally raw to do this on your own (you still have feelings...that cloud your judgement). For instance, if he is that broke and there is NO money...then he can't plan an expensive wedding and live in a dream house. If there is not enough money for the both of you to live a dream life....DO NOT let him get away with robbing the children. Let him live as you all have, better he and the floozie than the children. Do NOT sign anything he gives you until you calm down, but do dispute to the hills. Get the file number for your divorce, GO to the court and find out all hearing dates....AND show up to dispute. You really have to stop reacting to his foul behavior, and focus on what your are doing. If you are only role is the power-less victim then you can not see that you are the Queen and the Kingdom is yours for the taking. Edited January 2, 2014 by Mystery2Me 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted January 2, 2014 Share Posted January 2, 2014 Forged papers???? Not sure if you are here in the US or overseas, but in ANY country that is illegal. Get a lawyer and HAVE NO MERCY with this clown. I'm glad he's happy now because after you get some legal help and crucify his a#$ it will make you feel sooooooo much better making his life and the fairy tale with princess difficult. Sick-em' Suzie......sick-em'! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 You need an emergency hearing in front of the judge for a temporary order of support (like the day he stopped giving you money, then you would not have lost the marital residence). This was a major screw up. And there is probably no going back. The money he has used towards that home is MARITAL FUNDS. I am sorry to be so brutal. I cannot believe how disasterious you situation has become, SS. You got to get him and his whore, and thier perverted marital plans out of your head - NOW. Get real, like you're doing now, by contacting an attorney, and act on the interests of your's and your children's financial further only. I understand you are angry that he in undermining the system, and SHOULD do things properly. You cannot focus on that kind of thing. Sure, he could probably be put in jail - but then who is going to work and pay the bills? I know how your feeling - my foreign husband broke the law and I wanted him shipped back to the old country. But that was not in my best interests. Forget about this part - getting him in trouble. You attorney will make the proper motions to get this straightened out -but attorney is gonna want a retainer. Do you have credit cards? Max them out - try to get best attorney you can - because he is anxious to settle - for some reason! He'll do anything. Do you have any idea why he in such a hurry? Your great attorney will have many bargaing chips (fraud, forgery, etc.), that he won't be able to "talk about." But the other attorney will get the picture. And both parties want the divorce so who cares - as long as you get what you deserve - you can ask for anything in a settlement discussion, in fact, you could ask for that new house, or that he buy you a similar one to the one you lost. With a good attorney - you MAY have him by the short hairs. But I am not an attorney - and previous posters have told what can go wrong, and everything that has been said appear, in mind to be correct. It all hangs on how long this denial thing on your part has gone on. Are there any relatives that can help you round up the retainer? It could be $10,000. Mine four years ago was $20,000 (but she couldn't get the case settled cause by fomer husband was extremely uncooperative. In your case, the best attorney will be money well spent. Those are my thoughts. I am so happy you woke up. Do not delay. Find out who the meanest divororce attorney is in your city, walk into their office and tell them you are desparate to obtain council - emergency situation, fraudulent papers were filed. Get the money together tonight. American Express will let u Charge a heck of a lot at once, and pay over time, if your credit is good (worry about how you'll pay it later) - that is what I used when I was in your shoes. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 People are giving you great advice - but you need an attorney! You are not emtionatally stable. You need to get a proper divorce filed and have an attorney to motion to quash his phoney documents in front of the Judge. This is not the time for you to be the divorce paper police. OMG - I would be out of my if these events were happening to me (with the divorce paper problem). Jeez. Please, get an attorney. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Firstly thank you for your replies xxx Mystery2me, you are probably right, although I really thought I'd begun to really let go and then this. I actually have hardly any contact (intentionally ...im aware he is toxic) from him and when I do its only via email... I suppose I still allow his words and actions to effect me too much when negative contact is made...which has only been with regard to house sales and now this divorce...and yes the off load this morning was needed In some states, a spouse can file with the court and if you don't show up in person to answer the complaint, the papers he turned in could stand. No matter who you report the papers being wrong to, 30 days and no signature or documented dispute, his papers will stand. This is what would have actually happened if I hadn't called the courts, I had two day (due to xmas hols) to go to court and appeal...the divorce has been held off for 3 months. At this hearing we are both supposed to go 'I will attend' this way I can sign my own papers and do things in the correct manner When you speak to this person on the 6th, ask the. If that would stand or if you can be divorced and then ask for a modification with full financial disclosure. Actually, I would wait until the scumbag is married as her income will go to help support your children too. I will ask thanks and have heard this too with regards to combined income Whoa. You don't have a lawyer yet????? What the hell are you waiting for??? ...money sadly, I will get all the info I can get from this free legal time and then proceed from there Step into reality....find out thru the court the true financial state is. Very possible he has been hoarding/hiding money. You are too emotionally raw to do this on your own (you still have feelings...that cloud your judgement). For instance, if he is that broke and there is NO money...then he can't plan an expensive wedding and live in a dream house. If there is not enough money for the both of you to live a dream life....DO NOT let him get away with robbing the children. Let him live as you all have, better he and the floozie than the children. Do NOT sign anything he gives you until you calm down, but do dispute to the hills. Get the file number for your divorce, GO to the court and find out all hearing dates....AND show up to dispute. You really have to stop reacting to his foul behavior, and focus on what your are doing. I do aim to look into things more deeply, im more worried that he has a number of credit cards, who knows in whos name...we was without doubt in huge debt ourselves, I found various unpaid visa card bills just before we split and used to receive many collection letters for him at our old address... im pretty sure there was no money to move about This may sound far fetched but at the time of their house purchase he would have had a lot of people after him for money and at that time had two mortgages that we were struggling to pay for...I actually think that she has put his name as a joint owner on her the new home 'she is a total fool if this is the case' I recon he is just paying towards the mortgage as of the purchase of the house, with this and his elaborate wedding he yet again is living beyond he means hence why he stopped paying towards that 2nd house mortgage and no child support He has no idea how he effects me, I have not had any contact with him since all this has kicked off, he has backed off as everything is in email and he knows how much trouble he is in... pretty sure he is lied to head off to her but that's their issue Forged papers???? Not sure if you are here in the US or overseas, but in ANY country that is illegal. Get a lawyer and HAVE NO MERCY with this clown. I'm glad he's happy now because after you get some legal help and crucify his a#$ it will make you feel sooooooo much better making his life and the fairy tale with princess difficult. Sick-em' Suzie......sick-em'! up until now I just wanted to get over this separation as smoothly as possible, I was focusing on me and the kids most of the time, just every now n then just shacking my head at his behaviour... but this...now after all this time ontop of it all!! so wrong I'm not gonna let it drop Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 (edited) You need an emergency hearing in front of the judge for a temporary order of support (like the day he stopped giving you money, then you would not have lost the marital residence). This was a major screw up. And there is probably no going back. The money he has used towards that home is MARITAL FUNDS. This has been done, the application here is just for the divorce, all finances have been settled and joint accounts closed on final house sale. On the divorce papers there is a section that states about the children, who has them, who pays for what...this will be corrected on signing in 3 months time...although again over here a separate form is used with regards to the children. I did seek legal advice with regards to the children "and will do again" due to their age they can have their say as to where they stay etc... but will definitely confirm with all these recent changes with regards to financial situation regarding the kids and I'm in regular contact with child support I am sorry to be so brutal. I cannot believe how disasterious you situation has become, SS. You got to get him and his whore, and thier perverted marital plans out of your head - NOW. Get real, like you're doing now, by contacting an attorney, and act on the interests of your's and your children's financial further only. I understand you are angry that he in undermining the system, and SHOULD do things properly. You cannot focus on that kind of thing. Sure, he could probably be put in jail - but then who is going to work and pay the bills? I know how your feeling - my foreign husband broke the law and I wanted him shipped back to the old country. But that was not in my best interests. Forget about this part - getting him in trouble. You attorney will make the proper motions to get this straightened out -but attorney is gonna want a retainer. Do you have credit cards? Max them out - try to get best attorney you can - because he is anxious to settle - for some reason! He'll do anything. Do you have any idea why he in such a hurry? this is what I need to really find out, at the moment it was because he was meant to be getting married this month, he needed the divorce papers to do this of course...BUT he has been asking me to lie since May with regard to when we separated (by law over here you have to be apart for 1year 1 day before an application can be submitted) of course I owe him nothing and certainly not gonna break the law for whatever plan he has/had Your great attorney will have many bargaing chips (fraud, forgery, etc.), that he won't be able to "talk about." But the other attorney will get the picture. And both parties want the divorce so who cares - as long as you get what you deserve - you can ask for anything in a settlement discussion, in fact, you could ask for that new house, or that he buy you a similar one to the one you lost. With a good attorney - you MAY have him by the short hairs. But I am not an attorney - and previous posters have told what can go wrong, and everything that has been said appear, in mind to be correct. It all hangs on how long this denial thing on your part has gone on. Are there any relatives that can help you round up the retainer? It could be $10,000. Mine four years ago was $20,000 (but she couldn't get the case settled cause by fomer husband was extremely uncooperative. In your case, the best attorney will be money well spent. think my parents will help Those are my thoughts. I am so happy you woke up. Do not delay. Find out who the meanest divororce attorney is in your city, walk into their office and tell them you are desparate to obtain council - emergency situation, fraudulent papers were filed. Get the money together tonight. American Express will let u Charge a heck of a lot at once, and pay over time, if your credit is good (worry about how you'll pay it later) - that is what I used when I was in your shoes. Yas as always thanks Yas xx I'm cracking onto it all, it all happened just before Xmas and ive found out heaps since then...will go to my monday appointment and my friend has a good lawyer, ill call her this evening. Edited January 3, 2014 by Shocked Suzie Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Hi Suzie - On the credit cards, and other joint accounts that you might not know about, you should go to this site https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action and pull a free credit report on yourself from all three reporting agencies. If there are any joint accounts that he may have you listed on, they should appear here even if they have no balance. You definitely need a full financial disclosure on him, you'll probably have to provide one too....but I think as sneaky of a scumbag this guy is, you really do need to find out what accounts he has listed you on as they will come after you when he defaults. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Hi Suzie - On the credit cards, and other joint accounts that you might not know about, you should go to this site https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action and pull a free credit report on yourself from all three reporting agencies. If there are any joint accounts that he may have you listed on, they should appear here even if they have no balance. You definitely need a full financial disclosure on him, you'll probably have to provide one too....but I think as sneaky of a scumbag this guy is, you really do need to find out what accounts he has listed you on as they will come after you when he defaults. That's great thanks heaps and I'll do the financial disclosure for sure X 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Suzie - I just noted the AU in your location.....in case that site doesn't work for you, I found this site that may help you get the free reports. How do I get a copy of my credit report? - OAIC Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 3, 2014 Share Posted January 3, 2014 Suzie - on the papers about the children, does it say 100% Financial responsibility or 100% responsibility (meaning custody)? From what I am reading, the child support, maintenance and financial/property filings would be separate. You may need to file a child support order if you haven't done that already. If he is stating 100% custody...I'd go with it, he's still financially responsible whether he likes it or not. I would also correct the word responsibility on the papers replacing responsibility with custody and remove the word financial if it is there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Suzie - I just noted the AU in your location.....in case that site doesn't work for you, I found this site that may help you get the free reports. How do I get a copy of my credit report? - OAIC Thanks Trippi, was looking late last night for an AU one Xxx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 3, 2014 Author Share Posted January 3, 2014 Suzie - on the papers about the children, does it say 100% Financial responsibility or 100% responsibility (meaning custody)? From what I am reading, the child support, maintenance and financial/property filings would be separate. You may need to file a child support order if you haven't done that already. If he is stating 100% custody...I'd go with it, he's still financially responsible whether he likes it or not. I would also correct the word responsibility on the papers replacing responsibility with custody and remove the word financial if it is there. Yep this is what at first rang alarm bells when he gave me the fake ones to sign, but when I went up to the court house, they informed me that this is purely a divorce paper and the section regarding the kids is not binding and would need to go on correct form and yes by law he has to pay anyway. I will run through all this again though Monday and will do relevant forms if needed. The kids are 100% with me as they still refuse to meet the OW... Maybe in time they'll meet her but know they won't stay there over night. Thanks for helping, it's really appreciated Xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hey Suzie! I hope you had some good thoughts today. You are doing a good job of shifting the focus to yourself, and the lawyer will help to turn that light to high beams. It is time to stop guessing how did he do this...how did he accomplish that??? In my experience while often hard to bear the truth did set me free. Also most times is was far less painful than either the lies he told or the scenarios I could dream up. Get the truth so you can work on the actually obstacles. Enjoy a great weekend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hey Suzie! I hope you had some good thoughts today. You are doing a good job of shifting the focus to yourself, and the lawyer will help to turn that light to high beams. It is time to stop guessing how did he do this...how did he accomplish that??? In my experience while often hard to bear the truth did set me free. Also most times is was far less painful than either the lies he told or the scenarios I could dream up. Get the truth so you can work on the actually obstacles. Enjoy a great weekend! I feel much better today thanks, I think it was google earthing his home and seeing how nice it is, with me & the kids here ... Coming off the property ladder n all that... Just got to me! Once I got my head around it all again i'm fine, what else can you do these are the cards I've been dealt just gotta make good with what I've got. We have each other and health which is the main thing, I have regular work so I'm grateful... It could be worse. I hope I get some good direction Monday, been at work all day so Monday will be a busy day! I'll run my credit checks the, solicitors and cop shop to report the person that legally whiteness signed the papers (he's a friend of the ex's apparently) I think I'm just frustrated as I thought all this crap was coming to a close! Now it's gonna drag out some more with extra crap thrown in. Xxx Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hey Suzie....not gonna let you throw yourself under the bus love. Keep pushing forward and don't let him railroad you. Hugs!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 :-) thanks and no I won't ... Wish this would all just go away, just want a simple life :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Went well today, also got my hands on some $$$ and lawyer in place Feel much better, now I've got some direction and advice Xx 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery2Me Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Wonderful news Suzie!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing strenght and congratulations on focusing all energy on yourself. You rock!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shocked Suzie Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 He won't be very happy when he opens his mail tomorrow morning, about time some c!@p was thrown back his way! Thanks for support all x 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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