TreeHugger Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I'm not sure what to do with my wedding ring...what is the "proper" thing to do? I've been married 7 years, have a 5 yo son and have already done the "second chance" thing. My wedding ring original belonged to my husband's paternal step-grandmother. After his grandfather passed away (20+ years ago), his step-grandmother gave it to my husband for his future bride. I really do not want to save it for my 5 year old son...it seems strange to pass on a ring from a marriage that ended in divorce. It seems best to give it back to my husband, as it came from his family. Then there is the angry me who would love to hawk it and take some time away to lick my wounds....I know this is not the right choice, just fun thoughts!! I would like to hear what others think or have done. This is my first, and only, marriage. I do not want to create any undue stress or conflict in a relationship already burdened with too much emotional "stuff." Thanks for your input... Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I hocked mine and my ex's rings, and bought something for myself that same day with the $. But mine wasn't handed down to me like yours. Perhaps put it in an envelope with a short note and mail it to the ex. If its from his family I suppose he should have it back. Then its up to him what he does with it. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Tree... I was ended up keeping mine.(he never asked for it back and I really was not going to give it back if he did ask, I considered it a gift that he gave me) I had it appraised and it was valued at $5,200. I would not hawk it because you will be lucky to get $50.00 out of it.. I really have not decided what I am going to do with it after two years...........But I did give it to my sister to hold for safe keeping in case I got really mad one day and did something stupid. I might sell it down the road, I consider it "cursed" because the marriage did end in divorce.. I might have a jewler make something else out of it, If he asks I would give it back, he will probaly end up "recycling" the ring if he ever gets married again and then you can really have a good laugh..(sorry I am kinda strange that was) 2 marriage and a 2nd hand ring.... If he does not ask... keep it and decide later down the road.... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I think that given the situation the best thing to do would be to return the ring. Expecially if his mother or any elder relatives of his are still alive. If he'll insist you keep it, then keep it. But even in this case it will have been a great gesture to offer to give it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TreeHugger Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 Thanks...I appreciate the feedback. I strongly believe in Karma, and due to the history of the ring, it feels right to give it back to him. I would completely lmao if he had a second marriage and used it!!! I guess I'm strange that way too! I have thought about having it made into something else...would love to see his face after having it melted down and made into a tongue ring!!! ...but I'm not fond of diamonds or gold...call me weird I have no plans of returning the other rings, necklaces, etc he has given me over the years. (Funny thing...he knows I don't like diamonds...yet he always bought them for me...hmmm...people are funny). As for the other women in his family...I'm sure his mother would love to have it back. She never approved of us being together...yuck! Another topic in and of its self...LOL Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 There's a thought. Maybe you should give it back to his mother. He might feel funny taking it back but she wouldn't and maybe another member of the family could use it as a wedding ring. You may need the 'points' to cash in at some time down the road (since you are the mother of her grandson and your paths will probably cross occasionally over the years). Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 There's a thought. Maybe you should give it back to his mother. I think that if she never approved of Treehugger and her husband being together, she really won't be able to appreciate it. She'll probably think it is *just the right thing* she gave it back....she might read it as a 'spite' gesture....she might be rude. many mother-in-laws are like that when they don't like the lady their son married. If Treehugger got on well with her hubby's mum, it would be a great idea. Since she did not....IMO it is better she gives it back to her H. Who is surely going to appreciate! besides her mom is going to know about the ring anyway, from her son. Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 If it's a much loved family heirloom for him, send him a bill for it. If he doesn't respect it enough to pay for it, keep it till you find out if your son wans to pass it on along with the family name. If he doesn't, then hock it. Link to post Share on other sites
Caveman Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 You should return it. Sell it to him? Please, like his family should pay for the ring twice...why is it always about $$$? Link to post Share on other sites
ResilientX Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I had given my wife a ring that had been in my family for over a 100 years. It belonged to my mother last and when she died, I gave it to my wife. When she asked for a separation and started seeing someone else, I asked for it back. The idea of her wearing a family heirloom while with another guy was too much disrespect in my opinion. Give it back, it is the right thing to do. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ready2moveon26 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I know what you are thinking right now because I did the same thing. My wedding set was something of a family piece from my husband's family as well. We seperated once, 2 years ago and I stopped wearing it then and even went to the pawn shop to see how much they would give me for it. I decided to keep it and give it to my daughter when she gets older and make her vow that she would never wear it because when worn, it brings bad luck. My husband and I got back together after 3 months or so of seperation and I did not wear the ring. This past Christmas, my husband bought me a new ring, one of "my own" because he agreed that the ring was "bad luck". We are not superstitious people, but with this ring, this was how we felt. Two months after he bought me the new set, we seperated again. I am not sure how I feel about the ring now because we are seperated again and I can't blame it on that wedding set. So what do we do? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I think that the right thing to do is always to give it back, unless you paid for it. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Since it was in his family, I would simply give it back and not make a big deal of it. I think it would be different if he had had a set made especially for you or if you had both picked out a set. But with it being in his family for so long, give it back and if he does get remarried and uses it again, it will show bad taste on his part And I wouldn't say anything to the mom about it, once they decide you aren't good enough for their son ... they don't change their mind, no matter how wonderful you really are Link to post Share on other sites
Author TreeHugger Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 I gave the ring back to him...it lifted a weight off my shoulders. I would rather he have the choice of what to do with it. Thanks for all the feedback...I appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts