Here's the story ....

[yoko]

It's been close to 10 years. We were together about 8 months and lived together for 6, when he went to prison the first time. He was gone for almost one year. I visited regularly and wrote every day. Love, love, love. He came home and it was less than a year that we were fighting and miserable. He is an alcoholic and can become abusive. I sold all I had and moved back home to Illinois from Texas. It didn't work out and I was back in Texas within 2 months but not living with him. He helped me out a little with finances and transportation. We lived in separate communities but visited nearly every weekend. He was still drinking and I was still trying to find my own way, living alone for the first time in my life at 50+ yrs. old. We remained apart but continued to stay connected, visiting each other and phone calls frequently and regularly. He continued to drink and there were many times that I left his place because of that. We didn't argue that much, I just left and came home to my own peaceful place. I got used to living alone and really liked it. Neither of us became involved with anyone else. Years passed and I got lonely. I wanted to be near my family in Illinois. I had no one in Texas besides him and he was not interested in anything closer than what we had. So I decided to move, once again, back to Illinois. This time I moved just 6 blocks from my grown daughter and her husband. It seemed like the perfect arrangement and it was perfectly the opposite. Nothing, nothing at all, went well. I couldn't find a job, had no friends of course, my daughter had some problems of her own and discontinued any contact with me, fell into a very deep depression ..... it was hell. All the while, he and I stayed in touch. He bought a computer before I left so that we could skype, which we did often. About 2 months after I was gone, he became angry with me, telling me that I left and took his "comfort". We were only seeing one another every other week and he liked that. So ... it finally hit him that he missed me and he was pissed .... at me. Eventually, at about the 10 month in Illinois mark, my previous employer in Texas asked if I would come back and promised me a job. I was thrilled. I again sold everything and headed back to Texas. Just days before that, he got his 5 th DUI. Still on probation for his 4th, it looked as though he may be doing serious time. I made it back to Texas, began working and visiting him in prison. He got 3 yrs. and served 18 months. I got a little apartment, moved in with nothing again and built it back up within a few months. Supported him in prison; money, books, letters, visits. I was his only visitor. We/he decided that when he got out, we would be together. He said while he was drinking, he thought he wanted to live alone .... etc. But sober, he saw life differently and wanted us to be together. He wouldn't talk too much about living together while he was behind bars. He said he just couldn't, the situation was too difficult for him. So ... he got out. He got his old job back, he made all of his parole appt.'s ..... I did everything I could to make his home life comfortable and free of stress so that he could concentrate of re entering society and staying sober. It was ok for about 2 weeks. He started drinking and hiding it from me. There was little or no communication. There was absolutely no affection, intimacy or sex. He was not interested. I continued to work and so did he. I handled all the transportation and the finances. I did everything and he watched the tv I bought for him while sitting in the leather recliner I bought for him. That's about it. Since we were in such a small apartment that is comfortable for one but very uncomfortable for two, we moved into a 2 bedroom within the same complex. We both worked really hard at the move and he impressed me with his willingness to help. In the two bedroom, he has his own tv room. And that's where he stayed. We had more space now, so he was even further away. I felt alone and rejected. He even slept on the floor in his room. Sometimes at my suggestion, sometimes on his own. He continued to drink and hide it. We drank together on one occasion and it was a disaster, of course. It's been 6 months since he came home, 3 months in the new apartment and he tells me it's not working. We've had a ton of serious conversations about the lack of intimacy and communication. He tells me he needs help, can't do it alone, can't drink, loves me, wants to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. (his prior and only long term relationship was a violent one *I also did a do it yourself divorce for him since he's been back, they were separated for 12 yrs) He said all the right things, made all the right promises ..... but it ended as soon as the conversation ended. He went back to his chair in his room to stare at the tv and I went back to myself. So now, we are tied and bound by a lease that is 9 months long at this point. We have our own rooms which include our own bathroom. He bought himself a bicycle yesterday so that he can provide his own transportation. Living in the same apartment and breaking up after so many years and so much **** is sickening. I have little money and certainly not enough to live on my own anymore. I gave up a sec 8 housing voucher when he came to live with me. They wouldn't allow him on because he is a felon. He blames me. Says I'm too demanding and that I think I know everything. This from the man who asks me; will you do this for me? what do I do now? how can I do this? will you help me? I did .... again and again. Then I would hear something like, "you know I don't like to be told what to do." The conflicting and contradicting messages I got from him left me feeling like I had a giant question mark above my head. That coupled with the lack of affection/intimacy/sex left me a very unhappy girl. When I talked to him about it, he offered excuses or accused me of being too needy.

It's just a real **** storm and I'm tired. Also, I have surgery scheduled for the end of the month. I have cataracts and glaucoma. This should be interesting.

 

Support? Advice? Opinion?

 

P.S. He did go to the local Mental Health agency for counseling and they told him he wasn't "crazy" and they couldn't help him there. Since then, he's been flying the "I'm not crazy" flag and decided that it's over. I only suggested he try that for counseling. I did not suggest that he was crazy. Maybe immature because he spent the better part of the past 30 yrs drinking and drunk. But crazy? Probably not.

[aMguilts]

so he spent the last 30 years or so drinking

he`s been to prison for whatever reason

 

and yOU WANT TO BE WITH THIS GUY?

 

get this parasite out of your life once and for all

 

aM

Edited July 4, 2013 by aMguilts

[yoko]

He went to prison for felony DUI, twice.

 

And .... you're right. Thank you. I feel a bit like a fool. I just didn't want to give up, had hope and all that stuff. Allowed myself to believe and knew all along that the chances were slim I would realize my "happy ever after". I think hanging on was easier for me than letting go. I only postponed it and didn't really accomplish much else.

 

But, give me a day or two to rest up and I'll be back in the saddle again. Ready to start over and explore this world on my own. This time I feel like I have less energy, less drive. I think the years have taken a toll, hence the rest.

 

Thanks again for the reply and the advice ....

[GMG]

yoko

i'm sorry to hear about all of this

i am going through something very similar i just wrote the thread "to move on or to hold on"

however this is just starting for me, i am only 26 and my husband is 35.

if you have time please read

i still have hope as well but at the same time i don't know if i want to risk it that things could turn around and look ugly all over again.

[trippi1432]

aM nailed it, get this parasite out of your life Hun. He does have issues, but I think it fair to point out that you are going to have to learn to let go.

 

He really isn't crazy, he's an alcoholic and it's that which makes his thinking process totally sane to him but not sane to you. You cannot fix him nor can you wait for him to wake up and become the man you wish he was. You can either accept him just as he is, live in his dysfunctional world by his rules which makes him comfortable and continue to sacrifice yourself in the name of one-sided love. That's not a life, not a happy one.

 

Please do go to this link and check out the articles about co-dependency. Articles | Self Empowerment, Personal Growth, Awareness : Melanie Tonia Evans. It's okay to let go of that which hurts us and live a full and happy life for ourselves.

[Yasuandio]

I have alcohlism in my family -- my Dad was a destructive alcoholic - and my mother stood by him - and brought his wiskey to him until all his organs shut down and he died in the mid-80s.

 

Mother was a complete enabler until her dying day, last August 1, at 92 years old. Even with severe osteoporosis, my poor mother was still carrying in cases of Budweiser for my drunken brother, and driving him back and forth to his favorite drinking hole.

 

Her death was caused by an accident in the house, where she fell over empty Budweiser cartons that had piled up in the hallway, whilst bringing my brother his dinner to him at the sofa. She broke six bones, and had a crushed pelvis. My brother denied her proper medical treatment over the months, and kept her in a nasty nursing home facility, as much as possible (where she developed blood clots in her lungs). There was nothing I could do -- as she put him in charge of her medical.

 

Point #1. Where there is an Alcoholic, there can also be an Enabler. In my opinion, the Enabler has a disorder too. If you are an Enabler, don't count on your Alcoholic to be there for you in your time of need.

 

Point #2. Losing you life partner can cause an esculation in the amount of alcohol a person consumes. Once you turn your back on your husband -- don't be surprised if he reaches out to you with more and more problems. (They won't be your problems anymore.)

 

My drunken brother is reaching out to me right now, this whole year! (But all I can think about is begging him, "please, let mother go into the hospital for treatment! Please, let her have some comfort. She has insurance - please, please, please.") He told me it was her time to die. I cannot stand him - he is more drunk than drunk. Calls me more than a crazy manic girlfriend now.

 

Point #3. Drinking too much alcohol can cause people to take stupid risks that put theirs, and other people's lives in danger. Repeat offenders don't seem to get that, do they? Even with time served, is the lesson learned? No.

 

Point #4. Some people have Wreckless Personalities and do not care about the lives of others, drunk or sober. And, often do not even care about their own life. Put Alcohol, and/or a vehicle into the mix -and you have a killing machine.

 

Point #5. Just like teenagers, Drunks can sometimes believe they are invincible - especially behind the wheel.

 

Point #6. Is it ever a good idea be in association with a felon? Much less married to one? Of course not.

 

Honey -- you have to formally (legally) get rid of this one -- and stop the enabling him. You can stand to lose everything you have -- and everything you possibly can ever have into the future -- if this man ever accidentally kills someone. Do you realize that?

 

I know you know many of the above points I have written above. I know you are smart - I know you can handle this. I wrote the points to remind myself of what I have learned. At least for me, I have to review and review ALL these points - or I can get sucked in very easily:

 

Point #7. Alcoholics often play havoc on the emotions of the loved ones in their lives - using guilt, fear, hostility, etc., as manipulative strategies to get their way (more alchohol, money, a new transport, bail/bond, living arrangment, whatever they need).

 

Point #8. Alcoholics can cause non-alcoholics to develop disorders such as anxiety, depression, etc.

 

I hope this little review helped you honey. And perhaps ther are a few items that you may have learned something from. Stay Strong. Yas

[yoko]

Thank you so, so much. I needed to hear (read) all of that tonight especially. We have set up the apartment - each in our own rooms with our own bathrooms and very little contact/speaking at all. But today, alone in my room it hit me again. I am so, so angry. I am living with someone who used me and doesn't care even a little about the position I am now in, while he is in a much, much better position than he was just 7 months ago when he came home from prison. He just told me that he believed he wanted to live with me but has changed his mind. It's too hard for him. Then he said, "I don't know what to tell ya." Then I smelled the alcohol. Of course he's drinking. He just left to get more and if I stay away, I think it will be alright. Or maybe he won't come home. He was angry/arrogant when he left. He said he had to deal with going to prison and I have to deal with this. I have never experienced such a lack of humanity in my life. My life is much, much worse than it's been in years and his is 100% better - for now. I'm sure his drinking will increase and the same things will happen again, if not worse. My concern is how will I get out of here? No money, no family and only a part time job with no prospects for anything better. I'm scared. I will get through this. I will have a better life. I have been here before and I almost feel like I don't have the emotional or mental or even physical energy for it again.

Again, thank you so much for your support. It means everything to me.

[Gunny376]

I've got some experience with your situation ~ OK a lot of experience, in that the first civilian job I got out of college and retired from the Corps was with a manufacturing company that made architectural mill-work and columns out of polypropylene technology. I was a production supervisor.

 

Its such that it required someone that was above average education and experience. But for the most part it was gruntal labor for those that I supervised. And it paid not much more than minimum wage.

 

We employed people from the bottom rung of society. "School to Work" ~ that is to say someone that was closing in on twenty and no where close to graduating from high school. "Welfare to work" ~ mostly women that had been on this or that government program for most of their lives? WIC, food stamps (EBT/SNAP) Sec 8 housing, etc. But who were past the child bearing age and forced out of such to get a job.

 

And finally, "Work Release" guys that had been sent to prison ~ but were close to either being paroled or EOS (End of Sentence) ~ mostly for drug related crimes (either using or dealing) or DUI, or other non-violent offenses.

 

I saw these guy spill honey and maple syrup out of their mouths to get these lonely, older women. Man! I though some Marine or Sailor with a fist full of dollars had game!!! These guys could talk their way into these desperate and lonely women's hearts like nothing else.

 

And of course they were using them. And yea, as soon as they got paroled, or EOS? They were nothing more than a memory ~ not really even that?

 

Long story short? They were users, abusers, and Jail House U school con-artist. They were using them (the women at work) for meals, money, stamps (same as money in prison) sex, you name it. And their recitistion rate was somewhere around 60 to 80%! Not just a couple of them would make it off of work-release and be back across the walls within a couple of weeks or months. The lure of the bottle or the crack pipe was too great!

 

But I digress in my explanation of your situation. (Sorry I'm going to have to break this up into multiple posts)

 

Oh! They were fine in so long as they were behind the wire, in the work release camp, getting breathalyzers and drug screens. Some of them even move up to lead man positions at work. They were the model citizens and the model employees. But as soon as they got released?

 

Enter Mrs. Gunny. Mrs Gunny is in her early fifties. She's no Playboy Bunny (Even though she's my Playboy Bunny! ) She's drawing Social Security because she's blown out her knees from working, has fibromyalgia, arthritis in her spine, yada~yada. She's on Medicare, Medicaid etc. (Not now, because she's on or will soon be on my insurance Tricare via the military ~ we've just got to go down and get her signed up)

 

She could come off of all of that and go out and get a job. But let's face it. At this point in tha' game? WTF? By the time you figure in all that women have to buy, purchase, wear, etc, wear and tear on a car, gasoline, clothes, etc? She's probally netting the same income on Social Security than she would be if she went out and got a full time 40 hour a week job.

 

So her job is to take care of me. I actually had problems with that in the beginning. But she's 'Old School" and if one of her ways of showing me that she loves me is washing my work clothes, fixing my lunch (Although it can be a little embarrassing to find this or that more suitable for a 1st grader in your lunchbox and 56 years old ~ aka some pretzels, cheese, etc in a container that looks like 'Mickey Mouse") I'm cool with that. Besides my co-workers are always interested in what Mrs Gunny packs in my lunchbox, and to be honest? I like finding the little surprises she packs in my lunch!

 

So if "Taking care of her man" is her way of showing her love and appreciation for me? Then I'm down with that! Although I'm perfectly able and capable of taking care of myself!

[Gunny376]

Mrs Gunny was of the opion that she couldn't and wouldn't ever find anyone worth a damn because she was past her prime, wasn't some 16 year old HBX10 (Hotbabe X 10), etc ~ yada ~ yada!

 

I've had my HBX10'S, dated the daughter of a multi-millionaire, etc yada ~ yada!

 

I've dated women that were this, that and the other. Women with college degrees and professional careers.

 

And I wouldn't trade not nar damn one of them for Mrs. Gunny!

 

And you know why? Because she truly cares and loves me! She truly and honsetly gives a damn about me! And that is something special and rare! Because once your parents are gone?

 

Your pretty much on your own!

 

Be you a man or woman!

 

So my 2¢ worth is for you to set your sights a whole light higher.

 

The problem isn't him! The problem is your selling yourself too short of the good loving, the good woman, the good person that God made you!

 

Your a good person with a a lot of love to give!

 

Don't waste it on this parasite! This clown! This loser!

[yoko]

Wow. Thanks so much for that. I don't really know what to say. I spent the better part of last night in my room crying and now I've got this lovely headache from all those self pitied tears to add to my disgust and pain. I believe you're right of course and I've heard it before. He laughed at me while I cried. He was drinking again of course and that will only increase in time. He was a completely different person until he got his job back, got his divorce, got everything he needed. I knew this whole thing was a possibility but my resistance to believe that anyone could be so cruel kept me in the game.

Good for you, loving Mrs Gunny so well and being the man she deserves. I did think that truly caring about him, standing beside him, believing in him, taking care of him was my "job". He, on the other hand, took it as an entitlement I suppose.

My brain hurts from thinking about all of this. My focus now is on remaining sane long enough to get away from him and begin my life again.

Thanks again and all the best ....

[Yasuandio]

Wow. Thanks so much for that. I don't really know what to say. I spent the better part of last night in my room crying and now I've got this lovely headache from all those self pitied tears to add to my disgust and pain. I believe you're right of course and I've heard it before. He laughed at me while I cried. He was drinking again of course and that will only increase in time. He was a completely different person until he got his job back, got his divorce, got everything he needed. I knew this whole thing was a possibility but my resistance to believe that anyone could be so cruel kept me in the game.

 

[this last sentence is an excellent realization].

 

Good for you, loving Mrs Gunny so well and being the man she deserves. I did think that truly caring about him, standing beside him, believing in him, taking care of him was my "job". He, on the other hand, took it as an entitlement I suppose.

 

[There is no suppose about it.]

 

My brain hurts from thinking about all of this. My focus now is on remaining sane long enough to get away from him and begin my life again.

Thanks again and all the best ....

 

 

Hey Yoko --

 

I want to tell you that this morning I, personally, suddenly gained tremendous clarity from your thread. When I woke to notice that Gunny had given me a "Like" on my post here, I re-read it. It suddenly occured to me that I had also been an enabler during my lifetime, and am in process of resisting being an enabler even now!

 

Specically, now that my Mom is gone - - I told you that my alcoholic Brother calls me all the time. I did fall for a number of manipulative tasks he talked me into. But I finially blew up -- and told him off -- and we are not speaking. But still -- my Mom's estate stands unaccounted for, and I have not seen the Will - and he has refused to have it probated. The weirdest thing is the apparaent sale some years ago of the 120 acre farm on the historic King's Mountain Battleground that was in the family for three generations - my brother claims. He also told me of huge sums of missing money -- that my Mother aledgedly lost thru identity theft. Everything made me so mad, I couldn't deal with it -- especially when he would trick me into paying taxes and other things, and then get a big drunk mouth with me.

 

By NOT being pro-active about researching the facts of Mother's estate - and "Shutting up" to avoid his drunkeness, I am enabling him to screw me. Plain and simple.

 

I obviously am my Mom - and just now came to terms with that, and feel so enlightened! I was so nice and sweet just like you, providing the best service to my former husband that I was with since 1980 (and married in 1985). While he was not an alcoholic - he was a nasty, disresepectiful, rude little Hitler. However, just as you state, I felt "standing beside him, believing in him, taking care of him was my "job."

 

As soon as I obtained the SBA financing to buy the extremely successful franchise IHOP restaurant he had dreamed to own for two decades - it was a little over a year that he left me stranded in his country of Greece while we were on vacation (late 2008). He got angry - and ballistic, for no apparent reason -pulled over to the side of the road and started screaming the most painful things to me I had ever heard. The words and apparent feelings about me he had been holding inside cut me to my very heart and soul. He screamed and pointed his finger at the same time, and I just sat on a rock at the seaside - mortified.

 

He brought my bag to me and threw at me with $400 US. Took the rental car and drove away - leaving me in this small seaside village at 6pm - without my medications, or glasses. He got in the retal car and drove away - just like that.

 

He didn't care about me one iota after finially getting what he wanted so bad, the restaurant ownership. This wasn't the first time he abandoned me in a foreign country either, it was the second time - but this was a most dangerious place to just leave me. Without my blood pressure medicines, my ADs, benzo's, etc, I went through an extreme withdrawal, and was basically a zoombie for 10 days untill I could find my way to a doctor. Once I recovered, and got situated -- I did not come home for three months. He never made one phone call to see about me. I believe he was just hoping for a bodybag to arrive back to the US. That is how the marriage ended.

 

He felt "entitled" as you say -- to take everything he could from a good wife. When I read that sentence in your post -- it all became clear to me, Yoko. You answered the "WHY" question that haunted me for so very long. But it was our choice to provide service to the entitled one - that is the bottom line. But it is always possible to deny service! And when you begin to deny serve to the entitled one, watch out, and be prepared for a fall out and some manipulation.

 

I was an enabler for my husband's poor conduct. I learned how to be an enabler from watching my Mother. I never ever thought of that. But it was true. Thank you for helping me have some insight also, honey. Yas

 

PS Continue to be stong and reflective. Photograph the image of him laughing at you while you are in your lowest moment of pain. Don't ever forget that image. Burn it in your mind - write a detailed desription of it on your phone or somewhere you can always access it if you get those "touchy-feely" feelings.

 

And stay on LS.

[yoko]

Hey Yoko --

 

I want to tell you that this morning I, personally, suddenly gained tremendous clarity from your thread. When I woke to notice that Gunny had given me a "Like" on my post here, I re-read it. It suddenly occured to me that I had also been an enabler during my lifetime, and am in process of resisting being an enabler even now!

 

Specically, now that my Mom is gone - - I told you that my alcoholic Brother calls me all the time. I did fall for a number of manipulative tasks he talked me into. But I finially blew up -- and told him off -- and we are not speaking. But still -- my Mom's estate stands unaccounted for, and I have not seen the Will - and he has refused to have it probated. The weirdest thing is the apparaent sale some years ago of the 120 acre farm on the historic King's Mountain Battleground that was in the family for three generations - my brother claims. He also told me of huge sums of missing money -- that my Mother aledgedly lost thru identity theft. Everything made me so mad, I couldn't deal with it -- especially when he would trick me into paying taxes and other things, and then get a big drunk mouth with me.

 

By NOT being pro-active about researching the facts of Mother's estate - and "Shutting up" to avoid his drunkeness, I am enabling him to screw me. Plain and simple.

 

I obviously am my Mom - and just now came to terms with that, and feel so enlightened! I was so nice and sweet just like you, providing the best service to my former husband that I was with since 1980 (and married in 1985). While he was not an alcoholic - he was a nasty, disresepectiful, rude little Hitler. However, just as you state, I felt "standing beside him, believing in him, taking care of him was my "job."

 

As soon as I obtained the SBA financing to buy the extremely successful franchise IHOP restaurant he had dreamed to own for two decades - it was a little over a year that he left me stranded in his country of Greece while we were on vacation (late 2008). He got angry - and ballistic, for no apparent reason -pulled over to the side of the road and started screaming the most painful things to me I had ever heard. The words and apparent feelings about me he had been holding inside cut me to my very heart and soul. He screamed and pointed his finger at the same time, and I just sat on a rock at the seaside - mortified.

 

He brought my bag to me and threw at me with $400 US. Took the rental car and drove away - leaving me in this small seaside village at 6pm - without my medications, or glasses. He got in the retal car and drove away - just like that.

 

He didn't care about me one iota after finially getting what he wanted so bad, the restaurant ownership. This wasn't the first time he abandoned me in a foreign country either, it was the second time - but this was a most dangerious place to just leave me. Without my blood pressure medicines, my ADs, benzo's, etc, I went through an extreme withdrawal, and was basically a zoombie for 10 days untill I could find my way to a doctor. Once I recovered, and got situated -- I did not come home for three months. He never made one phone call to see about me. I believe he was just hoping for a bodybag to arrive back to the US. That is how the marriage ended.

 

He felt "entitled" as you say -- to take everything he could from a good wife. When I read that sentence in your post -- it all became clear to me, Yoko. You answered the "WHY" question that haunted me for so very long. But it was our choice to provide service to the entitled one - that is the bottom line. But it is always possible to deny service! And when you begin to deny serve to the entitled one, watch out, and be prepared for a fall out and some manipulation.

 

I was an enabler for my husband's poor conduct. I learned how to be an enabler from watching my Mother. I never ever thought of that. But it was true. Thank you for helping me have some insight also, honey. Yas

 

PS Continue to be stong and reflective. Photograph the image of him laughing at you while you are in your lowest moment of pain. Don't ever forget that image. Burn it in your mind - write a detailed desription of it on your phone or somewhere you can always access it if you get those "touchy-feely" feelings.

 

And stay on LS.

 

I only wanted to quote the last paragraph but I am not very familiar with the tools here .... anyway, THANK YOU!! What a story! I'm still shaking my head .. .wondering how in the world anyone gets through that and why, why, why is such cruel behavior tolerated in the first place? But you answered some of that why for me. I am inspired and encouraged by your reply. I did write about his laughing at me, and I have looked at it in a way that allows me to be honest with myself about him. It's been hard for me to accept that anyone, man or woman, can be inherently cruel or even cruel with the intention to cause pain/harm for whatever selfish reason ... but I'm getting closer and closer to that realization and ultimate acceptance. Thanks again and I will stay on LS. This is good for me to be sure.

[Gunny376]

This forum is repeat with stories of individuals ~ men and women ~ who are "takers" and those that are "givers". It usually the givers that post here, but from time to time a taker ~ someone who feels they're entitled to this, that, and the other.

 

The takers are usually inherently flawed, usually in more ways than one. BPD, NPD, substance abusers ~ the list is seemingly endless.

 

The takers are quick to point their fingers at others and call them losers, and say that their stupid, ignorant, lack basic common sense. They're opportunist, parasites, mental and emotional vampires. And once they've sucked the (or have come damn close to it) very Life out of you? They move on to their next host ~ victim.

 

I'm a "giver" as is Mrs Gunny. The neighbors were complaining about her feeding a stray Mama cat and her kittens to me. (Actually woke me up ~ I work the graveyard shift) to complain about it. I told her I was just glad their weren't a Hobo or some other homeless person.

 

I've actually have had to learn to be less of a giver and more of a "taker" ~ or at least less of a giver. The Emotional Vampires are everywhere. And will tell you the most pitiful tales of sorrow and woe that you've ever want to hear. I've had to harden my heart to them, and it burdens me because I know that in doing so I'm by-passing the truly deserving and needy.

 

Their on TV, and you've got to listen with care. Their on TV is report with so-called Televangelist. You know I've been listening to Billy Graham since I was a little boy, and I never heard him ask for one thing other than for you to give your life to Christ. That's it! And to this day ISFAIK, he lives in a small simple cabin up in the mountains of NC.

 

Strange but true but its the people that have the least to give, that give the most. That will give you the shirt and shoes off their back.

 

Now that I'm back out here in Civilian la~la land, I often think what I could have done and have gained had I chosen as Robert Frost speaks of taken the path less taken. I choose that path, and I think and look around and see the path that others have taken?

 

I took the Warriors path. Not just that of a military man ~ but a true Warriors path. The path of a 'Spiritual Warrior" The Corps taught me a lot of things. I've learned that less is more. I've learned to be less materialistic. I'm use to a Spartan lifestyle. I appreciate the little things, the small things. I've learned humility, I've learned to appreciate the love of a good woman.

 

I've learned the true value of women such as yourself (the OP) and women such as Yas and many others that have been used and abused by men. And that's lead me to Mrs. Gunny.

 

I'm quite sure that GF's and the XHEX would look at Mrs Gunny and say, "What do you see in her!" What I see in her is an "Old Soul" a giving soul, a caring soul, a loving soul. Someone who's going to be there for me and with through thick and thin. What I see in her is "Helen Of Troy" who will standby me as the walls of Troy burn down amongst us!

 

That's rare and hard to find in this life.

 

You'd sooner attempt to shave a rabid Bobcat with an old jagged rusty razor and give em' a bath in alcohol than mess with me in-so-far as Mrs Gunny is concern.

 

And I feel the same way about her. If you mess with her, her children, her grandchildren or mine? You need to turn your happy azz into tha' law! Not just because you've broke the law? But because you're going to need police protection ~

 

FROM ME!

 

To the OP, its time to live your life for yourself. Watch "Fried Green Tomatoes" and let it empower you. If you've already watched it? Watch it again. Another good movie to watch?

 

"Secondhand Lions" IMHO one of the greatest movies ever. Its about living life on your own terms, and to its tops, and to its fullest. (LOL! I told Mrs Gunny about it and its also the reason I've got pink pigs all over the house! Watch the movie and you'll understand why!)

[yoko]

Gunny,

I just found the movie 'Secondhand Lions' on youtube.com. I'm going to watch it. Please keep writing! I love the way you tell it and I love your support. Thank you!

All the best to the Mrs

-K