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Adultry, Military, and Divorce.


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JustSoRight

I've been married for 6 years. My husband is in the service. I have two kids 5 and 3.

 

Last year he was in Korea without us. He never called, wrote or got on the computer. My oldest thought he didn't love him anymore. That was heartbreaking. I kept telling him yes he does, he's just busy. He didn't even come home for mid tour, when he had the money and the chance for a ticket home. I found web sites and profiles all with him saying he was single etc. No ring on his finger and new name brand clothes.

 

Before he left I can tell you the marriage was not great. He would go out every weekend, and he never took me anywhere in public. We only had sex when he wanted it, and if I said no he would guilt me into it until I said yes. I was pretty sure he was cheating then cause I could never find him when he went out, and he's be gone all hours of the night or wouldn't come home until the next day (afternoon).

 

OK so back to Korea. I went to the doctor to get an IUD. Before I could get it I had to have the pap, etc. So when I went back for my appt to have it inserted, you guessed it. I was informed that I had an STD, and had it for over a year. My husband was about to come back from Korea the next month. I was in shock. I asked all types of questions. Is there any other way to get it. NO. Could I have had it since we first got together. NO. (I have been tested for STD's during both pregnancies with no STD's).

 

I cried and got mad, then I got calm. I asked him for a divorce last Nov. He cried and begged me not to. He swore up and down he never had an affair, etc. Yeah right. My life at that time consisted of taking care of the kids, putting them to bed, watching TV or a DVD, then going to my room to watch TV until I fell asleep. ALONE. I have never had an affair.

 

He came home in Dec, and my family came down for the holidays, I told him we could try to work things out. I know. I know. I gave in. Well he never wanted to talk about it, denied it. Etc. Then he got orders for Iraq. I couldn't leave him when he was going away to war. So I called a truce. I wouldn't bring it up and cause problems. Our kids needed a happy 3 months together before he left again. I convinced myself things were OK. By the way over that year I lost 65 pounds and was down from a size 20 to an 8 by the time he came home. Then it was all. You're beautiful, hot, I want you...etc. Yeah that didn't make me feel any better. He wasn't that into me when I was bigger.

 

Once he left again, and I was alone with my thoughts I realized. No it is not OK. I don't want this relationship anymore. I just want out. I am scared that I am going to get another STD from him or any other man I might in the future become involved with. I don't think he loves me. I think he's scared of the unknown. We have been roommates with kids the whole time were married.

 

By the way I met him, got pregnant right away, married less then 2 months of meeting one another. We were young 19 & 21.

 

How can I ask him for a divorce after saying we could try to work things out? How do I tell him I changed my mind? He's coming home for 2 weeks this month. Do I talk to him then, or wait till he comes home from Iraq for good? I am so frustrated and emotionally drained. I can't take it.

 

I need advice! I'm desperate for help!

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Did you tell him about the STD? Tell him he was the only one you've had sex with and so WHERE DID HE GET IT FROM?

 

Ask him why he is cheating, tell him you ARE NOT STUPID and that you know! Even if you're just fishing for answers act like you KNOW EVERYTHING and you're just letting him know.

 

As for leaving him? That is only your decision. It's really hard with kids. I have one myself.

 

Good luck and please keep us posted!

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JustSoRight

Yeah I told him about it, he had to be treated himself. He just won't admit to anything. He says he knows I haven't cheated and that it must be a mistake. Whatever.

 

He is like a dog. Look the other way and it's not there to confront.

 

Yes I plan on leaving him. I jut don't know when and how to do it? Does anyone have some advice?

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JustSoRight

An update.

 

I decided not to tell him until he comes home for good. I do not want to throw this at him just so he can go back to Iraq with this clouding his thoughts. I can't do that to him. I will just wait until he comes home next year before asking for the divorce.

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HokeyReligions

Why don't you contact an attorney now, and get everything lined up for when he does get back. You can get your house cleared out and ready to sell (or separate what you want and get his stuff together so that when he gets back you don't have to spend any time together under the same roof) and make sure you have your finances separated and everything all set up so that it can be done quickly when he returns. That will help you adjust to being on your own with only your things around you and help your kids adjust too. It also may make it easier for you to not back down when he returns.

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JustSoRight

Great advice. Thank you. I will start that as soon as possible. Thanks again.

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Wow!

I can not imagine someone behaving as your husband, I hear stories like this and it almost makes me be ashamed to be a man.

For your own sake I would get out ASAP, I realize from your letter that you still have feelings, you must care for you and your child first.

Your husband has shown complete disregard for his and your wellbeing, to pass on a STD is disgusting, to then deny it shows how little he cares for you.Actions speak louder than words!

I'm not trying to be someone who is to hard on you or has no heart, I just know there are tons of decent people out there for you.

If someone would jeopardize my health and ultimately my childs welfare, the trip to the lawyer would be a quick one.

If these events place stress on your husband then too bad, he caused them!

 

If this is hard to deal with just imagine 20 yrs down the road and you daughter comes to you with the same story, what advice would you give her???

Good luck and I hope you find the strength neccesary to do what you have to do!

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JustSoRight

Thanks for your reply. I've been told that I am jumping the gun. That everyone makes mistakes. I don't believe that I need to give him another chance. He's had lots of them and this was by far the worst thing he could have done to our family.

 

I'm glad people like you all post and give great advice and or comments. You all really help!

 

Thanks everyone!

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