my husband confesses to currently having an affair

[danijs]

My husband admitted to cheating (it only took him 3 years to confess). The news devistated me and transformed my love for him. I retaliated and cheated as well. This was 8 months ago. Our marriage has spiraled out of control. 3 months ago he admitted to having an affair with a co-worker. I want a divorce & to move me & our 3 boys back to NY (currently living in NC). He has always been the bread winner and I a stay at home Mom for the past 8 years. He had recently cut up my visa card and doesn't allow me access to "his" income (he makes real good money). He won't help me get home. He doesn't come home from work very often & is completely neglecting our children. If he does show up here, he spends his time drinking out in the truck and talking on his pone. He tells me "I" made him this way. I refuse to believe that. Everyone makes their own choices in life. I am basically waiting for tax money to get me outta here. I have no choice but to be patient & be a good mother during this difficult time. Last night he told me that him & "Ann" are planning a Valentines Day get away together. I feel like doormat & I just want to go home. I pray for strenth every single day. I can't afford a lawer. What should I do??

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm sorry, what a horrible situation

 

It sounds like you need a court order ASAP to give you spousal support and your share of the marital community assets. He can't just leave you penniless, that won't fly. Getting an attorney in the mean time does sound like a problem though. It is possible to file without one, it's just likely you'll make mistakes. Maybe someone else will have some suggestions on that. Is there anyone who will lend you money?

[Act Two]

I'm sorry you are going through this. In many areas there are women's centers or women's community centers where attorneys offer at least consultations for free. One might be able to help get you on your way. Your husband can't lock you out of money like that. I would do a search for that to see if you can get some free legal counsel until your tax money arrives.

[thefooloftheyear]

Are there any family members or close friends that you could lean on? Tough situation, no doubt.. Best wished to you.

 

TFOY

[Mystery2Me]

Hi Danijs,

 

So sorry that you and your family are hurting. First things first, as difficult as it is you must calm down....so hopefully this painful cycle of retaliation will stop. Secondly, assemble your all-star support team (family, friends, church) because you've got to lean on somebody.

 

By no means am I placing sole blame on your shoulders, but it appears that a bit of "tit-for-tat" is occurring with you and children suffering greatly.

 

My STBXH is currently having an affair (we are separated), but to avoid triggering exculating behavior that would ultimately hurt me more.....well I had to calm the hell down.

 

While bidding time for the tax funds, perhaps you should document proof of his irresponsible and wreckless behavior for divorce purposes down the road.

 

The sooner you rise above the "I'm-gonna-get-you-back" game, the sooner you will feel more empowered about taking control of your future.

 

Stay strong! ~Mystery

[cheerfuldoer]

My husband admitted to cheating (it only took him 3 years to confess). The news devistated me and transformed my love for him. I retaliated and cheated as well. This was 8 months ago. Our marriage has spiraled out of control. 3 months ago he admitted to having an affair with a co-worker. I want a divorce & to move me & our 3 boys back to NY (currently living in NC). He has always been the bread winner and I a stay at home Mom for the past 8 years. He had recently cut up my visa card and doesn't allow me access to "his" income (he makes real good money). He won't help me get home. He doesn't come home from work very often & is completely neglecting our children. If he does show up here, he spends his time drinking out in the truck and talking on his pone. He tells me "I" made him this way. I refuse to believe that. Everyone makes their own choices in life. I am basically waiting for tax money to get me outta here. I have no choice but to be patient & be a good mother during this difficult time. Last night he told me that him & "Ann" are planning a Valentines Day get away together. I feel like doormat & I just want to go home. I pray for strenth every single day. I can't afford a lawer. What should I do??

 

Girl....

 

1. His money is your money. Do you have access to the bank account? Is your name on the credit card? If it is, call and get a new card sent to you.

 

2. He is responsible for his actions.

 

3. Don't be a doormat, don't feel like a doormat. You are his PARTNER you are not below him.

 

I work and make as much as my husband does. He always threatens to cut my debit/credit cards up. My husband, like yours, has a lack of accountability with his actions. Everything is my fault, he just wants to yell hurtful crap and tell me what I've done wrong.

 

Here's what I'm doing. I'm documenting everything he says and does. I've told him several times I'm leaving and he doesn't believe me. I quit talking and started doing. I've gone to an attorney and my divorce is in the works.

 

You are strong enough to do this, he is trying to bully you, don't let him. Please document everything he is saying and doing. I have a password protected online journal I use.

[cheerfuldoer]

I forgot to mention this.

 

Whatever you do....TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. it takes two to make it obnoxious and petty. Let him say what he wants to say, you just ignore it. When my husband says hateful things, I just look at him and let him finish and walk away. It's got to the point he doesn't start as much because he doesn't get the reaction he wants.

 

While he's talking and I'm looking at him, I just think to myself, you are irrelevant to me at this point, soon I will not have to deal with this. It gets me through, then I go document.

 

You will never regret taking the high road, I promise!

 

You are a role model to your kids, show them how a strong woman handles adversity.

[Steen719]

I am not even sure if I should mention this or even if this is correct - and I am hoping others who have more knowledge of the law in general can address it.

I think you run a bigger risk of not being able to move the kids to NY from NC during/after a divorce than if you move before legal action.

 

Valentine's day with Ann, huh? Class act.

 

What a mess. You know you contributed by your affair, but you don't deserve this life. Someone mentioned women's centers and I think you should start there to see what kind of counseling is offered. I'm sorry you are in thi situation. It must be awful for you. HUGS

[UpwardForward]

I am not even sure if I should mention this or even if this is correct - and I am hoping others who have more knowledge of the law in general can address it.

I think you run a bigger risk of not being able to move the kids to NY from NC during/after a divorce than if you move before legal action.

 

Valentine's day with Ann, huh? Class act.

 

What a mess. You know you contributed by your affair, but you don't deserve this life. Someone mentioned women's centers and I think you should start there to see what kind of counseling is offered. I'm sorry you are in thi situation. It must be awful for you. HUGS

 

I was thinking this too. I hope it's the case that you can move with the children before legal action. I know our state requires parents to live in same state for visitation and care of children

 

If you call around you will find many attorneys give free consultations. This will help you to know your complete rights, what you can expect in settlement, and what you must do to receive temporary support.