bea Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 He wants my ring back - and I agreed b/c I don't want to fight and drag it out any longer. But why would man do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Could be any number of reasons. Perhaps he wants to sell it for $$ or perhaps he just wants to be a pain in the butt. Let's just hope he doesn't plan to recycle it. =) Tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
amish Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Bea, Why do YOU want the ring? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 he is just being a terd! that way he can pawn it and not you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bea Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Well, I hadn't even thought throughout this process about it much. But it is mine, it was given to me. I wouldn't wear it. And I agreed to give it back. I guess it just hurts that it would be a term of him signing. It would just sit in a jewelry chest. But it does represent the last eight years of my life. I guess my feelings were just hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 cut the band before you give it back, tell him it represents the divorce! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 have the stone replaced with a fake Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I'm sorry you're hurt by it, and I think it's very tacky of him to ask for it. It's one thing to ask for the ring back when you never make it down the aisle and quite another to ask for it after you've been married and are getting a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by spencer have the stone replaced with a fake Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 ..wait, maybe I have too much estrogen! I had a similar situation with my divorce. She had a large-ish ring that I gave her and many friends (and even her own mother and sister) have offered to "steal" it back and have asked why I did not insist on it being given back. Personally, I feel that it was a gift. I did not give back the watch that she gave me, nor did I reclaim the lingerie and other gifts that I bought her. Marraige or not, a gift is a gift is a gift. Now, had she offered to give it back, I would have accepted it and pawned it or had it remade into something else, but she did not so that is the end of the story! My vote is that the guy is classless Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Sounds to me like his bookie is putting pressure on him to pay up. Congratulations on being (soon to be) free of this asswipe. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Well, let me see... if he had a "condition" to signing the papers, I'm assuming that that meant that you wanted the divorce more than he did? And.. the engagement ring being an official token of the relationship you want to officially end.. it makes a lot of sense why he would do that. He could be posturing himself as a victim. By using a condition in order to sign the paper, it can be assumed that he would not sign the paper if you did not give back the ring; he would prevent the divorce from taking place - at least for awhile. Victim. Because he was willing to prevent the divorce, it might feel to him that this in some way proves that the divorce was your fault: Once you give up the ring, he is obligated to sign because of that condition. So it could give him a little jolly that way if he's that type. It can also be simply a vindictive way to make you suffer - or a combination of both. I mean, how nasty is your divorce? An engagement ring is usually considered the legal property of the person who bought it when a couple fails to marry (if they both want it, obviously). Many courts consider engagements a contract of sorts. It represents that you will be together. It's a symbol that you will vow to stay together. If you're not together, it represents a failed marraige, broken promise... and if you got sick of that reminder, or got in a better relationship, you wouldn't want the thing around anymore, you'd probably sell it eventually. Let him sell it. I dunno, the more I think about, the more it seems legit that you should give it back. He wants it & he paid for it; he gave it to you because you were going to marry him and now you want to divorce him... so give it back. Link to post Share on other sites
amish Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 *ding ding ding* I'm with magda. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bea Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 The divorce is not a nasty one, I gave him everything. All of the furniture, the boat, the motorcycle, the equity in our home. I filed for divorce, and no he didn't want it, at least he verbalized he didn't want it - but it wasn't visible by his actions for the last five years. I know that legally the ring is mine and I didn't have to give it back (I already have), and I could have said no. We could have went back and forth and I could have paid an attorney to tell me what I already know anyway. The marriage is over, to hell with it - take the ring. Recycle it, choke on it, sell it - whatever. It was just a shock when I received the call from the attorney. And as far as conditions for signing - he would have just dragged it out a little longer and I am trying to get myself back together emotionally so it didn't seem worth it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 BEA- more power to you girl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LRT Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Me personally, I did not want to keep my rings.What they represented was no longer.Why keep a constant reminder of it.My ex didn't ask for them back I just gave them back voluntarily. Link to post Share on other sites
KellyC56 Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 I'm confused here - are you getting a divorce? Or are you just breaking up? If you married the guy the ring is yours to keep. If you were just engaged and then broke up and didn't get married then you return the ring. I'm with the other person who suggested replacing the stone with a fake! Tacky idea but he's being tacky asking for the ring back. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Originally posted by KellyC56 I'm with the other person who suggested replacing the stone with a fake! Tacky idea but he's being tacky asking for the ring back. They are divorcing, Kelly. I totally agree with you that its tacky but the heart of the matter is here: ....And as far as conditions for signing - he would have just dragged it out a little longer and I am trying to get myself back together emotionally so it didn't seem worth it to me. I certainly don't fault bea for that. Wiser move in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
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