moodoo Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Ok, so long story is im 29, father and mother are 64 and 55 respectively and have been married for 30 years. My father is a wealthy man, he owns 15+ franchised businesses and works alot 6 days a week 10+ hours a day. My mother is a sweet stay at home wife who is sometimes kinda hard on my dad ie she shops,does lunches, has maids and still makes him do stuff like get groceries and other little tasks that I see piss him off....anyways.... 15 years ago he cheated on her got caught....they split for a year not divorce but separation and got back together i think more so for me bc I was a teen and secondly bc in our foreigner culture, NONE of their friends ever got a divorce, I mean NONE no matter how unhappy they seemed, foreigners from the middle east DO NOT DIVORCE. well speed up to now, parents go on vacation to italy last month with friends, come home and I visit and as I play on Ipad at their house and find escort websites in rome that were visited and specific girls pages were clicked on....fearing the worst i cover dads tracks and delete history and clear cache before mom accidentally stumbles on it. This month, they head out to vegas on another vacation with friends and he asks me to swing by his office one day and mail out some bills, I hop on his computer to check my mail and once again as Im typing in the browser bar I find escorts and massage parlors he had found on craigslist and specifically in the areas of his office.....he had clicked on pages and seen specifics....so he's looking.... now, WTF do I do...I dont want my dad robbed or killed by some hooker or her pimp....I fear telling my mom bc I know second chance will be it, she will leave, she will have money so she doesnt fear leaving but I fear them both being alone, he's almost 65 and she's 55 and theyre such socialites, they have fun with all their friends and are big in our community in here....this would devestate their social lives and their friends would probably see each less if they split...dont ask me, christian arabs are awful and hypocritical like that....Im at my last end and its eating me up inside and affecting me alot but I havent even told my fiance I live with.....please help me Link to post Share on other sites
Author moodoo Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 ok, but why? And how do I keep it from eating away at me that my dad is potentially setting himself up for danger and the fact it would really hurt my mother's feelings potentially if she found out affecting me more Link to post Share on other sites
Author moodoo Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 please explain how im not acting like an adult.... 1.Im worried abt safety of my father, you're in the UK....do you know about how the hookers in the US almost always have a pimp and how many rob their clients? Its in the paper all the time 2.Im worried about the feelings of my mother finding out she's been cheated on....again....a second time, that would crush a woman in frail health already 3. I dont understand how me saying im worried about the only family Ive ever known and their future and how to make everyone happy with the least amount of hurt feelings possible makes me not an adult....if my father is unhappy, say so and get a divorce, dont cheat and hurt my mother.....this doesnt make me a child, it makes you an insensitive prick Link to post Share on other sites
PoopHappens Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I think Coopster is right. Best to stay out of it. Likely your mom already has it figured out. Long time spouses know each other very very well. Link to post Share on other sites
so_difficult Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 OP you're in a ****ty situation. I'm sorry for you because it really sucks to have knowledge like this that you'd rather not. I think your two choices are either stay out of it completely or talk to your dad about what you found -- NOT going to your mom or even your fiance. Hate to say this but your dad's probably been doing this for a long time ... Likely since he was caught in an affair. It tends to be safer on marriages to see escorts; they don't call your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I think, and this is just my opinion without knowing you or your parents, you should talk to your father about it and I think you should NOT say you will or you will not tell your mother, even when pressed. Just tell him you know and ask him what HE thinks you should do with the information you have. I take it you have no siblings? You may be able to better make a decision about what you need to do when you talk to him. You need to do what you can live with. You will get a lot of different opinions here. Some will sound harsh, for whatever reason and some answers you may or may not like. The bottom line is that you need to find the best answer for you, so take the advice you get here with a grain of salt and then do what you need to do. Of course, you are right about safety of your dad, but he had decided to do this and you may not have any influence. If your Mom and Dad are still sexually active, then the situation is even more critical, as your dad may give her an STD. Sorry that you are in this situation. I can see why it bothers you and I know how kids are with their parents. My son is almost 22 and I could see that this would be a dilemma for him, but I think he would tell me. Who knows, though? You really are in a bad spot, but you may get a better feel for what you need to do after talking to your Dad. I know that so_difficult said not to tell your fiance, but that may be the difference in gender (at least I think so_difficult is male). If I had a fiance, I think I would not hesitate to tell him and at least get it off your chest. At the end, it will still be your decision as to what to do. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 moodoo..stay out of it, it ain't your business. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I think Coopster is right. Best to stay out of it. Likely your mom already has it figured out. Long time spouses know each other very very well. This. Dude, both of your parents are old enough to make their own decisions. You can't tell me your mom doesn't know what's going on. You have no idea what "arrangements" you might have. Your mom may be completely un-interested in sex and may have told your dad "Do what ever you want, but I don't want to know about it." I know it's hard, but you have to keep your nose out of this. When I was around 13, I was a silent eavesdropper when my dad confronted my mom about sneaking around on him. For a lonnnng time, I resented my mom and wanted to say something. I'm glad I didn't. Now that I'm older (they did not split up and appear to be doing fine some 25 years later), I understand the intricacies of adult relationships. It's never black and white, for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 This is your life, this is your family, these are people you love, the people you are closest to on earth. Now of course they also have lives of their own individually and together as a couple. But this affects you. It affects the family. It affects your father and mother individually. So, although you cannot make choices for them, you can offer your thoughts and should. Dad - I saw that you were looking at escort sights. I dont like it or what it implies. This is not a conversation I will have but...It isnt safe for you . This hurts my mother and our family. Its wrong. Thats it, thats all you can do. And its enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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