bea Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 This is my second post and I am hoping to get some feed back. My husband and I live in two different states (he has moved all over the world in the last while) and he is still looking for work - I moved back home due to a family illness. Where I have been longing for roots and stability - he is looking for the next "best" career opportunity (that never is what it is supposed to be) and next fishing trip. We have been married for several years and just during the last five have things started to unbuckle. Our families (his and mine) feel he is searching for something (always has)- and I am afraid he will never be satisfied and will never find it. I have contacted an attorney and have begun the process. I know he is unable to see what he is doing to us - and I certainly have tried to explain. He believes it is silly that I am this upset. I feel like my insides are broken into pieces. I cry all day at work and I can't wait to get home just to sit down. I know in time it will get better. He said he would let me have a divorce if that would make me happy. I guess what I want to get off of my chest is that how ignorant can this person be? To not see what has been in front of him this entire time and to not even acknowledge or try to listen to another person's point of view or feelings? Better question is how could I have given my heart to this man? Thanks for reading and allowing me to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 Unfortunately, it seems, men can be unbelievably obtuse. Not all of them and maybe even not most of them, but certainly some can be. You'll see it on the boards here and you'll see it on relationship shows and everyplace else; stories of men not hearing their partners' complaints or requests for change until the partner finally leaves or sues for divorce. For some reason, they seem not to believe that we mean what we are saying when we say 'this is a serious matter'. Link to post Share on other sites
Hannah Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 You never know who you will fall in love with and most time people fall in love with the moment. Your husband probobly has noticed how you are being effected but did not want to react to your feelings as then his personal gain ( his career) might have been in jepardy. Honestly if he wants to lead his life like that then he has the right to but you should not have to lead yours worrying about why you fell in love with him . That was then ! This may not help you at all but i tired , If it does good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 I'm sorry that you are hurting. You sound strong and I'm glad you are moving on with your life. Tears don't make a person weak - those who are too afraid to shed the tears and bear the pain are the weaker people, IMO. It's not just men who seem to be so obtuse. Women are the same way. Some of each, not all men or all women. How many times have we seen women just on this board asking what it means when their bf says its over, or not wanting to believe that their relationship has ended and no amount of closure will convince them. I think it is that we as human beings focus on different things to be obtuse about. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 Errol - there is a difference between going into denial over the end of a relationship (which appears to actually be more of a problem for men judging by LS posters) and failing to understand during a relationship that there is an issue which needs to be addressed when someone is saying to you that it needs to be addressed. Link to post Share on other sites
fueg0 Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 it's sad that it took so much time to realize the gravity of the fact that you and your husband aren't on the same page. how do you really feel about the divorce? is there any middle ground? a way to work it out between both of you, leaving you both satisfied with the decision? what about counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bea Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 You know, I don't think it took that much time to figure it out, I just think it took all of this time for me to take action. I can deal with thinking of the divorce - I mean the mechanics of it, and I can and have lived for a while not seeing him daily or even regularly. But if I think too much of the failure of it all, that I will never hold him lovingly again, the hurt it is overwhelming and sickening. Counselling would be a no brainer you know - but two people have to admit there is a problem they are both contributing to and are willing to resolve to try to fix. I can't even keep him in the same state. I love him though and I know I always will. But I also know that I owe it to myself and my child to have stability, even if that means he is not around. I view these posts b/c although not exact - I am not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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