Nukem Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Hello all, in his book Stop your divorce Homer McDonald asserts: "I mentioned yesterday that New Woman Magazine, November of 1991, said that they were changing their editorial policy, that they had been immediately for divorce because looking on that as a step towards independence and freedom, and being true to yourself. But they interviewed many ex-wives 2 and 3 years after the divorce, and asked them if they were happy. And in every case, they said no. The interviewer said, “Why did you divorce?” “Well, I thought that would make me happy.” The interviewer would say, “Do you regret getting a divorce?” “Yes, I do. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t.” They were so impressed by these statistics that in this article they say, “We have changed our editorial policy. Now, we are recommending to women to work hard on improving themselves and improving their communication skills a long time before you even think about divorce.” So I found that impressive." I have two divorced friends: - one is living abroad, married a German girl and has two more daughter from his second marriage, one son from his first. I don't know what's happening with his ex wife, though I was their best man. I am pretty sure she isn't happy cause her son is living with her ex. - another friend regrets for his divorce. He is wealthy and they have 2 wonderful children. In spite her ex wife is unbearable he thinks they could repair their marriage. I doubt she is happy alone with her small salary as a nurse. - there's another story of my colleague's parents. They got divorced years ago. His mother left cause she felt in love with OM. Recently her mate have died of cancer. She is alone now. The father has long-term relationship with a Russian woman - a female friend of my ex wife divorced her wealthy husband because he had beaten her, insulted and had been unfaithful - it might have been exaggerated by my wife. However after many love affairs her friend began a new affair with a married man with two daughters. He divorced her wife and started to life with my wife's friend. They have baby now, but she get angry every time when her mate pay attention to his ex family. Last time I heard her crying on the phone while talking to my wife. - the woman who takes care for our daughter after school is divorced. She is going out with a younger boy who is very likely cheating on her. My wife has seen him with another girl holding hands - it is my wife turn . She asked me to left her flat. Started a PA with her married OM father of two, and few weeks later he kicked her out. It devastated her. It disillusioned her. Months later he proposed her to marry him. But we were reconciling. She asked me to leave her alone. Now she is alone. She is not the same person. God knows what is going to happen in her life. Knowing her well she will suffer not once again but many times because of her fairy tail illusions. I think that Homer is right. The happiness does not depend on your mate. An individual should accustom to his mate's habits. How many divorced couples do you know? How many of them are happily divorced? Excuse me if the topic has been previously discussed. Just give me a link if so. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I have heard this before. To be fair, I also think the same can be applied to men who act in this manner. It also depends on the circumstances. For some people, divorce is the correct choice, especially if there was violence or cheating. But, in other cases, people think divorce / breaking up is the answer to their problems when it is not. “Why did you divorce?” “Well, I thought that would make me happy.” This is the same thinking of people with GIGS. They blame their unhappiness in the relationship on their partner/spouse. Nothing is their own fault and everything is their partner/spouse's fault. The reality is more likely somewhere in the middle and that both partners have some responsibility for the problems. They think that if they get divorced/break up from you then all their problems/complaints will suddenly disappear and it would make them happy. The ones that later regret breaking up / divorcing discover that the key problems they attributed to their ex-spouse/partner don't disappear after the divorce / break up. It never occurred to them that they were partially responsible for the problems that existed. But, not only do they have the same problems as before, now they may have even more problems they have to deal with and that's when they start to think that they were actually better off not divorcing/breaking up and working out the problems rather than just divorcing/breaking up. What your wife is doing is wrong and not fair to you. She thought she could find happiness in the OM, but she will discover that her problems will follow her. But you have to focus on improving yourself. Do you take some responsibility for the problems in your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 But you have to focus on improving yourself. Do you take some responsibility for the problems in your marriage? Yep, I improved myself. Hope it will be a constant improvement. I spend the whole weekend with my daughter. I have purpose. I guess the responsibility is minimum 70-90% mine Time will show us Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I think that Homer is right. The happiness does not depend on your mate. An individual should accustom to his mate's habits. I am not usually a fan of Homer, but this is 100% correct and would shout that off of every roof top I could find. Problem is and always has been that people do and always will need someone to blame for their unhappiness. As for the divorce statistic, I would say that is probably correct in many cases as well and will continue to get worse as we continue to become a society that more and more views people as disposable. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
coopster Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I am not usually a fan of Homer, but this is 100% correct and would shout that off of every roof top I could find. Problem is and always has been that people do and always will need someone to blame for their unhappiness. As for the divorce statistic, I would say that is probably correct in many cases as well and will continue to get worse as we continue to become a society that more and more views people as disposable. TOJAZ Problem is and always has been that people will always blame someone else for their unhappiness and not admit to thier own mistakes and not admit when they are wrong Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Problem is and always has been that people will always blame someone else for their unhappiness and not admit to thier own mistakes and not admit when they are wrong To be fair, in their own perception. They are not wrong. They make the best decisions they can with the tools they have at hand. Hence the divorce statistics stated by OP, 2-3 years down the road once all the other factors have been peeled away, all thats left is the truth, then the hard work begins. Learning from these heartbreaking situations is greatly slanted to those left behind because they are free of all the justification that must be put in place in order to let someone leave their spouse. Trust me, a few years of deep introspection can change many things about how you see your self, the world, and your place in it. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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