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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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  • 1 Post By g450
 
 
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Old 2nd March 2012, 4:31 PM   #1
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what a mess!

So I am married 12 years now. Have a 5yr old child. We have been building a new house for almost a year now. Suppose to close next week. About 3 years ago, my wife's best friend got her a great job. She warned my wife about the manager being a dog. He hits on anything. The manager is married as well and has 2 kids. My wife and her friend are friends with his wife as well, who has been in the hospital over the last few weeks recovering from cancer!!

So a few weeks ago my wife tells me she is going out with her friend to do a facial. No big deal I figure as she does this every now and then. I got suspicious when I saw her putting on make up. Who puts on make up if they are going to do a facial??? About an hour later I call her and she says she is with her friend, they are just hanging out and talking. Something just didn't sound right to me. My wife and I both have iphones. So I figure let me look at the phone finder app and see where she is. Sure enough it shows her in another part of town. At that moment I get a text from her that they are going out to eat and will be back soon. I jump in my car and track her down according to the phone. I find her in a bar with her manager kissing. I walked out of the bar to figure out what I was going to do. I then go back in and just start screaming at both of them. You both are a Holes, how could you do this, I am telling your wife, both are going to loose your job, etc... My plan was to sneak up on them and pull him out of the bar stool and beat the crap out of him. I still wish I had done that but I was so mixed in my head at that moment.

So I leave the bar and go home. She comes home an hour later all sad and apologetic. Said it has been going on only for 2 months. But who really knows as she is a cheater and I know cheaters lie. She begged me not to tell her work or anyone else. I agreed just so I can dig deeper into what was really going on.

I hid a voice activated recorder in her car and recorded her conversations with him over the next few days how they need to buy time, miss each other, have to wait for things to cool down, all this lovers type of talk.

As much as I was dying to tell his wife, her work etc I did not. A week goes by and I get a message on facebook from his wife that someone called her anonymously and said her husband and my wife are having an affair. I called her and listened to her for 10 minutes. I couldn't take it any more. I told her it is true, I found them in the bar last week and everything is true. She thought it was me that called her but it was not. I think other people in her job were on to this affair as well and tipped her off.

His wife went nuts. She threw him out of the house called their work and told everyone about it. He was forced to resign and she kept her job. This infuriated the wife and she kept on calling and harassing my wife about it. Believe me, she deserved it and more! She told my wife how could you do this to me, I was in the hospital recovering, etc, etc...My wife seemed to not even care. So cold and so sad.

Now, we are suppose to be moving to our new house in only 2 weeks! She is now saying she wants to stay in the apartment and I should take the house. She needs time to think what she wants. This all sounds like B.S. to me. I think she knows what she wants; she wants me gone and her new boyfriend to herself. And how do we tell our child about this? This is all she talks about, every minute of every day. Moving, moving moving!

My wife destroyed so much and all out of selfishness. She lost her best friend of 13 years, her manager lost his job, their family is broken a part, as well as ours, all for nothing. Of course she says she regrets it, but who really knows. How can someone do something so stupid and not realize possible consequences? Now everyone gets to suffer but her. I just do not get it! Like this is really going to go on forever unnoticed?

Now I do not know what to do. We spent so much time and money on this house over the year. Our child is sooooooo excited to move to the new house and now she will have to hear the truth that we all will not be moving. It is so sad and a shame this is what it has come to.. I asked my wife, if I did not find this out, you would be moving to the new house with me like all was ok, wouldn't you? She replied yes. I almost wish I did not discover this out, but I think I really needed to know. A relationship like this is bound to implode eventually. I really want to work things out with her and have her come to the new house and have fresh new start. But she wants nothing to do with that. Still saying needs time to think, etc... It is amazing how fast things changed here. She doesn't kiss me any more, no touching, very little talking, no phone calls, doesn't say goodbye when she leaves for work, etc...

My wife and her manager call each other still a few times a day. I do not think they have been seeing each other but I am sure they will once I am out. This whole situation is such a mess and so sad. I really do not know what to do or expect. Anyone have any input??

thank you

Last edited by Confusion1; 2nd March 2012 at 4:42 PM..
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Old 2nd March 2012, 5:04 PM   #2
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wow!!
Confusion thats a lot to go through, no wonder your nickname.

I reckon biulding a new house can be pretty stressful?

But then that`s no excuse what she did.What does she need time `to think about`? She either wants to be with you or she doesn`t.

His wife done the right thing IMO...threw him out and told his employer...good for her.

But you want to make this work? Why?

The house your in now, you own together, rental?
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Old 2nd March 2012, 5:20 PM   #3
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Yes, the condo we are in now we own together. We were suppose to list it next week with a realtor. We would have easily made $600 extra a month on it as well. Now it is an additional expense.

I really do not know why I want to work it out with her. Maybe I think there is some hope, a chance. You are right though, time to think about what? I do love her and would just love to work it all out, but this does not look like a viable option at this point.
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Old 2nd March 2012, 5:35 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusion1 View Post
Yes, the condo we are in now we own together. We were suppose to list it next week with a realtor. We would have easily made $600 extra a month on it as well. Now it is an additional expense.

I really do not know why I want to work it out with her. Maybe I think there is some hope, a chance. You are right though, time to think about what? I do love her and would just love to work it all out, but this does not look like a viable option at this point.
Only you know that at this moment in time. Whatever you do , don`t move out!!
I asked why but i already know the answer. Was to make you think why.

Doesn`t matter what she wants from now on. It`s about what you want. You still living together? And she still has contact with the OM ? I`d stop that straight away, tell her if she still wants contact with him,then she moves out,... to allow that to happen when you are still living together is wrong
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Old 3rd March 2012, 3:39 PM   #5
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Very painful to read. I feel for you. But you need a reality check. Your marriage is over. She no longer loves or respects you.

As bad as things are now you are going to have to talk to a lawyer and get ready for divorce. She is showing no remorse as she is still in the fog of an affair even now. Let her go and start protecting yourself.
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Old 4th March 2012, 1:35 AM   #6
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You will not "love" your WW back into the M.

NOTHING knocks a WS out of the fog better than a good dose of reality. Being served D papers, there's a BIG dose of "here you go, you wanted it, here it is".

I see and hear alot of BS's "waiting it out". Bravo Sierra I say.

You know why your WW does what does, because she can. You allow it. Well, tell her it no longer acceptable, and here's the consequences.

You don't wait for destiny, you create it

Peace,
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