Not in Love with husband after being married only a year...

[MaeBlost]

I dated my ex boyfriend Seth in college and it was a very up and down relationship. I was very insecure with him but we were so in love each other. It was kind of a crazy love. We had so much fun together and were always laughing and joking around.We have always just "clicked" and seemed as if we were the same person. I was his "first real" girlfriend and first and only love. He is part of the musical world and was starting a band and decided to break up with me because I was basically getting in his way of getting wild in college and starting his band etc. I was completely devastated.

 

So i just partied a lot to take my mind off everything and then started dating another friend from college about a year later who is now my husband Tyler. I dated Tyler 3 years and we just had our 1 year 'marriage' anniversary. He is absolutely perfect to me and loves me so much. We have the same friends and his family is great too. He tries to be a good husband to me but I just don't have as much fun and am rarely laughing with Tyler. I am constantly annoyed with him and don't find him funny at all, we just don't have the same sense of humor. We have already grown apart from each other because he constantly plays nintendo so i watch recorded shows in my room. I am now eating dinner in my bed while he eats his out in the living room.

 

So in the meantime Seth has become really popular and well known band traveling all the time. Seth and I ended up seeing each other for the first time in years and since then we have been emailing, texting and calling. Then we started meeting up and 'hooking up' & it was absolutely amazing. We have both confessed our love to each other. Seth even made an album and 1/2 the songs are about me. He tells me all the time he has never stopped loving me and he made a huge mistake letting me go. He said he has learned a lot over the past 5 years and is not the same selfish boy he was when we dated. He realizes what kind of guy he was and how he treated me and says he would never treat me like that again. He told me he has never been more sure in his life about anything else then now and who he loves and wants to be with. I am still totally & completely in love him and am now realizing that i might have made a mistake by getting married in the first place.

 

I know it sounds like im crazy to even think about it but I just feel like im just going to go through the rest of my life staying with a man who is "safe" (my husband tyler) when my heart is loving someone else.... I am so lost and confused right now. I am 27 years old and used to want to settle down and start on the baby making..until me and Seth started communicating again. Now all i want to do is go out with my girls and party. Tyler found out that me and seth have been talking (on 3 different occasions) but he doesn't know we have been meeting up and hooking up, and got mad for a little bit but has gotten over it. So now me and seth have been finding other ways to communicate. We found an app to txt so it doesn't show on the bill, we Skype and ill call him from the office during the day, etc...Now I have started going to Austin to see seth and things have def. gotten much more intense & REAL!

 

I am sure there are those out there that want to b*tch me out but please dont. I am just asking for guidance. The guilt and lying is eating me alive and can't do this much longer. I am just scared to make a decision but have been thinking a lot and realized what I'm scared of is maybe the change..we have a house, a dog, shared bills, etc (luckily no kids yet!)But at the same time I am scared ill get a divorse and me and seth will get together and him being a musician (28 years old) will get tired of having a 'commitment' and hurt me again and ill be screwed! My anxiety is at an all time high. I am miserable. But i cant let go of my ex, but know my husband is a good man but maybe just not the right one for me....Will i regret getting a divorce? Im just not happy I feel like no one gets a divorce after only a year.....but am i supposed to continue to be unhappy and miserable??

[Soxfaninfl]

Have you talked to a counselor? Your situation is complicated. Having a musician as a husband would be hard as he would not be home much to help you raise children. Also, lets be honest here, he is a musician. He will be tempted a lot by groupies, and could possibly give you an STD. Musicians get tempted allot by fans. Now I'm not saying you should stay with your husband if your not happy, but I would at least try counseling first before you give up on your marriage. You also don't seem to have much passion in your relationship with your husband. Divorce can be very painful and expensive. I have been through it.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

The 'right' answer for you depends on what kind of a person you are and how your childhood went.

 

 

IF your background/childhood has been somewhat chaotic and abuse-filled, then it is likely you are wanting excuses to opt for chaos over stability.

 

 

IF on the other hand, you have been raised as a princess, and have been a princess all your life, then POSS-i-bly this "Seth" is sincerely the right one for you.

 

 

Just don't forget this popular line from a song:

 

"lovin' a music man

Ain't all it's supposed to be"

[health]

and THIS is what happpens when you don't heal properlly and let go.

Partying it up and dating is like numbing yourself.

 

You should have cried like crazy for the pain of losing that first love. Also you should not have married.

 

You hooking up - does that mean you're having sex with the old ex behind your husband's back?

 

If all of this is true - leave your current husband for God's sake and work on your self!

[Soxfaninfl]

I agree. If your commiting adutlery, you need to come clean with your husband. The two of you need to see a marriage counselor.

[whichwayisup]

Reguardless of what happens with Seth, you must divorce your husband. You don't love or respect him. Sort your own life out first, then go date and have fun with Seth. To stay and cheat, continue to LIE to your husband, who doesn't deserve this treatment from you, is just wrong. You don't love him, let him go, divorce him..So he can begin his healing process and find someone else who will love only him.

 

As for "Seth", well, this guy isn't husband or family material..But I think you're going to need to figure that out the painful way.

[GreenPolicy]

I like how she says Seth has "changed" and has grown up and is not selfish anymore...because nothing says maturity and selflessness than seeking out a married woman for an affair. I would ordinarily counsel her to quit the affair and work on things through counseling with her husband, but 1) the husband deserves better. If he's playing video games and you don't think you're getting enough attention, then confront him about it like a mature adult instead of having an affair...and 2) the OP is a shallow, selfish narcissistic emotionally stunted adult. She deserves to have her heart broken twice by the same cad. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. Seth has no character or integrity and is not good long term relationship material. I hope she finds this out the hard way.

[Tiberius]

Maybe you should discuss it with your husband too. He seems to be pretty removed himself.

[goldengirl86]

Ok i think everyone needs to back up and leave her alone! Ok and as for the person who said they would councel her to end the affair work on her marriage, but in her case No, a good councellor would never give there opinion they would help the patient figure out for themselves what/who they want! You dont know what is going to happen between you and Seth, and after you tell your husband you will be even more unsure about what to do! But your husband needs to the chance to decide after hearing form you that you have cheated on you if he would even want to be with you. I have a feeling however, that he will choose to go, and therefore the chocie will be out of your hands. regardless of whether you and seth end up together you dont belong ith your husband, so let him go and move on before it goes way to

Good luck

[fenderstrathss]

Well, you're a class A piece of crap since you're seeking advice AFTER you cheated on your husband. Even if you don't feel like you love him, you should ave at least ended it with him before sleeping with the other guy. You deserve no sympathy and I hope your husband finds out everything and takes your ass to the cleaners in the divorce. Thank god you don't have children.

[Halio]

well, you're a class a piece of crap since you're seeking advice after you cheated on your husband. Even if you don't feel like you love him, you should ave at least ended it with him before sleeping with the other guy. You deserve no sympathy and i hope your husband finds out everything and takes your ass to the cleaners in the divorce. Thank god you don't have children.

 

exactly!!!!!!!!!!

[sLiPpeTh]

"Commitment"

 

I'm not concerned at all for the Seth guy. Once he notices you're becoming "insecure" and a "real drag." He'll kick your "hooking up" butt to the curb. Got him some.

 

You duped Good Husband and Father material into "Commitment."

 

Yet you're NOT Good Wife or Mother Material, because YOU CAN"T KEEP A COMMITMENT.

 

Until you get yourself together. Do Tyler and humanity a favor and DO NOT BREED.

[findingnemo]

Wow, what a bashing you're getting from some. Well deserved? Quite likely.

 

So you love Seth, right? Get a divorce. You must because you are being unfair to Tyler who may be playing Nintendo games to escape the gas lighting. Do you know what gas lighting is? That's what you're doing to him. You don't love him and instead of telling him this, you're finding fault after fault with him. You are making him miserable. He probably feels like he can't do anything right and yet you say he's a good guy. Are you a bad person? Life happens. Love is lost and sometimes found again. The problem is not that you love Seth. The problem is that you want to have your cake and eat it too.

 

Tell Tyler that you don't love him anymore. Tell him that to stay in your M is to live a lie and that you'll never be what he hoped (based on your vows and promises) you'd be. Apologize for duping him and stress that it is you that has a problem and not him. explain that you'd made up your mind to move on but your heart is still with Seth. You're young and don't have any kids. Whether Seth works out or not is immaterial. You need to have an R with Seth in order to resolve your feelings about him. Whether it works out or not is also irrelevant at this stage. You can't control the future when it comes to love. You either take the leap with Seth or become safe in your M while becoming bitter and unhappy. Poor Tyler will suffer even more whatever you decide. But the truth will set you free to pursue your own happiness.

[PegNosePete]

Come on people has no-one noticed the pattern with these threads yet? Whenever a first-time poster gives the first name of their ex, husband, AP, crush, dog etc, it is a troll post. Nobody gives out names on an internet forum especially on their first post.

[MrWombat]

You mention that you want to have babies. Have you gone off the contraceptive pill? If so, your hormones might be acting up, giving you a hankering to have a baby to Seth-α. Be very careful "hooking up" - your body is primed to accept this man's seed. You know perfectly well (at least, the bit of you above then neck knows perfectly well) that this guitar-playing badboy will not care for you or his child.