Love her , miss her, miss us.

[Whadduido]

Hello All,

 

It was so good, we dated for a year, fell in love and decided to get married.

All along, she was staying with a male roommate , somebody whom she said was like a brother to her, I was friends with him too as I believed her.

I asked her to move out a couple of times, but she did not agree,

She told me way later that he was more than a brother to her and they had shared a kiss before.

I went livid, I restrained myself from taking it out on her or him.

I decided I'd let it go if she left the guy for good. She said she would.

My Job in the place I was living ran into trouble and I had to move to a bigger city.

 

I now started keeping tabs on her as I knew she was slippery.

I did come to know that she contacted another old flame and asked him whether they could be friends now that she was engaged.

Nothing made sense to me.

I started keeping more tabs.

 

We got married and moved in some months ago.

In the middle of a heated argument, this thing came up again and she zoned in towards me and I pushed her away, she had a lock on her phone from the time she had moved in, I asked her to unlock it and show what was going on as I cldnt understand what was going on , she refused, I slapped her , called her mom and told her myself that her daughter was making me lose it completely.

 

She moved out the next day.

 

and now her side:

 

She feels all along that I controlled her , kept tabs on her and did not let her go to places where this guy might be, on top of that I pushed her once and slapped her and she thinks I'm a dictator and wants out.

 

Now:

 

I made all the money and paid the bills, she can barely cook one meal a day and sits and studies all day and texts her friends [god knows whom] and now my one mistake has set up a broken marriage.

 

I actually love her a lot and wanted to set her right, wanted her to understand that playing with guys even emotionally is wrong and turn her into a good wife.

I have acknowledged my issues in the meantime which include possessiveness and VERY CLEARLY UNDERSTAND THAT in any circumstance raising a hand (even a gentle slap) on a woman is unpardonable,

 

I have attended anger management classes and marriage counseling and am now seeing a therapist for any deep rooted issues.

 

She is staying at her brothers place.

I tried to contact her frantically for the first month,

When she finally talked after two months, it was a slew of allegations and anger.

I discussed this with my therapist, I know a lot of things she said are only to hurt me,

I want her back and love her madly and want to make this marriage work.

I have agreed to ALL of her terms but she hasn't even agreed to come for joint counseling.

 

I am stuck, cannot concentrate on work, feel like **** and know that I'm helpless as my marriage is drifting away from me, if I try to call her she calls back saying I'm needy and immature.

 

I have run out of energy, patience and basic spirit.

What do I Do, help please.

 

I really love her and miss her and want to save my marriage.

[Surfer203]

Clearly there is something fishy going on. My guess is infidelity.. weird situation with her roommate and contacting other old flames is a no-no. I would beware of her and not trust 99% of what she says. If she wants to be in the marriage, she will be willing to communicate and do the work. It's as simple as that. It's not something you can change no matter how hard you try or want it to be the reality of the relationship. I have been there too, many/most of us have. Good luck to you, try to focus on the good things you have in life and focus on your work and keeping busy with friends and hobbies. That's all you can do really. Try to stay positive.

[Yasuandio]

Some, perhaps many, (and possibly most) women totally draw the line at any, ANY, form of physical abuse. She may be one of them. You may have totally blown it. Man up to that possibility.

 

Back off, back off, back off. Accept whatever outcome happens. This is advice from a woman extremely experienced in these matters, embarrassingly so.

Edited October 26, 2011 by Yasuandio

[2.50 a gallon]

Why? There is NO reason for a married woman to have a locked, password protected phone.

 

Yes it is OK for married partners to have secrets, such as birthday and Christmas gifts, but no secret friends.

 

Dude, she has been cheating on you, just by talking with the other man

 

Run as fast as you can. Get out while the getting is good

 

I know that you are in love with her, but you can and will find some body else to love who will be so much better and worthy of your love

 

Do not have kids with her, as you will end up paying her bills to raise them while she lives with another man and you only get to see them on the weekends.

[robf1971]

Hello All,

 

It was so good, we dated for a year, fell in love and decided to get married.

All along, she was staying with a male roommate , somebody whom she said was like a brother to her, I was friends with him too as I believed her.

I asked her to move out a couple of times, but she did not agree,

She told me way later that he was more than a brother to her and they had shared a kiss before.

I went livid, I restrained myself from taking it out on her or him.

I decided I'd let it go if she left the guy for good. She said she would.

My Job in the place I was living ran into trouble and I had to move to a bigger city.

 

I now started keeping tabs on her as I knew she was slippery.

I did come to know that she contacted another old flame and asked him whether they could be friends now that she was engaged.

Nothing made sense to me.

I started keeping more tabs.

 

We got married and moved in some months ago.

In the middle of a heated argument, this thing came up again and she zoned in towards me and I pushed her away, she had a lock on her phone from the time she had moved in, I asked her to unlock it and show what was going on as I cldnt understand what was going on , she refused, I slapped her , called her mom and told her myself that her daughter was making me lose it completely.

 

She moved out the next day.

 

and now her side:

 

She feels all along that I controlled her , kept tabs on her and did not let her go to places where this guy might be, on top of that I pushed her once and slapped her and she thinks I'm a dictator and wants out.

 

Now:

 

I made all the money and paid the bills, she can barely cook one meal a day and sits and studies all day and texts her friends [god knows whom] and now my one mistake has set up a broken marriage.

 

I actually love her a lot and wanted to set her right, wanted her to understand that playing with guys even emotionally is wrong and turn her into a good wife.

I have acknowledged my issues in the meantime which include possessiveness and VERY CLEARLY UNDERSTAND THAT in any circumstance raising a hand (even a gentle slap) on a woman is unpardonable,

 

I have attended anger management classes and marriage counseling and am now seeing a therapist for any deep rooted issues.

 

She is staying at her brothers place.

I tried to contact her frantically for the first month,

When she finally talked after two months, it was a slew of allegations and anger.

I discussed this with my therapist, I know a lot of things she said are only to hurt me,

I want her back and love her madly and want to make this marriage work.

I have agreed to ALL of her terms but she hasn't even agreed to come for joint counseling.

 

I am stuck, cannot concentrate on work, feel like **** and know that I'm helpless as my marriage is drifting away from me, if I try to call her she calls back saying I'm needy and immature.

 

I have run out of energy, patience and basic spirit.

What do I Do, help please.

 

I really love her and miss her and want to save my marriage.

 

Ditch her, you have no kids it just isn't worth the effort. Good that your working on yourself, there is NO excuse for hitting a woman.