Real reasons I am leaving

[JustTired]

So I have told a couple of close friends that I am going to be leaving my wife and its been a very difficult discussion. As I have thought about it, I have told them that we are just too different, our life goals conflict with each other, etc.

 

I have been trying to tell people why I am leaving without turning them against my wife (I hate it when a relationship ends and the people in the relationship force their friends to choose sides).

 

I had a realization though, yes one of my long range reasons for leaving is that I don't think I will ever move ahead in life as long as I am with my wife, but that is one one (big) reason.

 

The ones I haven't told people is that I am leaving because my wife is hateful, anyone who has ever wronged her she hates, and she never forgives. She also is lazy, I know many people just don't understand what their wives do for them, but I know for a fact that I do more in the first half an hour after I come home than she did all day. We don't have kids, she has never had a job, but she just can't bring herself to do a load of laundry or dishes or even to feed herself. When I come home the house is trashed and she is starving because she couldn't find anything to eat (in our well stocked house).

 

Also, I hate judging people on their physical body, but she has gained about 100 pounds since we got married, I am a very active person (I run marathons, etc), but getting her to even walk half a block with our dogs means she will complain for hours afterwords.

 

Every day she finds something to yell at me about, I had a realization awhile ago, for the longest time I thought I must just be an awful spouse since I couldn't seem to do things right, then I thought back and realized with every single other person I know they think I am a great guy, one to go to if you need help with something, I am smart, resourceful, etc. The only person that things I am a complete moron is my wife. That realization was one of the turning points when I realized there might not be anything to salvage in this relationship.

 

My life has been filled by so many negatives I feel like it has ripped my soul apart. I have made all the right decisions, but I get hit over and over again by my wife making the wrong ones, and when they don't work out I get yelled at and blamed by her. I don't need this.

 

When I tell my mom why I left, she will know some of the real reasons, I will not intentionally turn people against my wife, but I am done lying for her.

[Majkl]

Can you say you tried to work on your problems other than suffering and sucking it up?

At least tell her that your marriage might fall apart if right away she and you dont start working on it... Giving up is easy to do my friend .... suffering and sucking it up is also easier than dealing with the problems. You could also try healing separation ... but you just want to CUT IT. Try MC - talking to friends doesnt help here.... they are never objective, dont pedestal yourself here.... If you care about this woman one bit...

[robf1971]

So I have told a couple of close friends that I am going to be leaving my wife and its been a very difficult discussion. As I have thought about it, I have told them that we are just too different, our life goals conflict with each other, etc.

 

I have been trying to tell people why I am leaving without turning them against my wife (I hate it when a relationship ends and the people in the relationship force their friends to choose sides).

 

I had a realization though, yes one of my long range reasons for leaving is that I don't think I will ever move ahead in life as long as I am with my wife, but that is one one (big) reason.

 

The ones I haven't told people is that I am leaving because my wife is hateful, anyone who has ever wronged her she hates, and she never forgives. She also is lazy, I know many people just don't understand what their wives do for them, but I know for a fact that I do more in the first half an hour after I come home than she did all day. We don't have kids, she has never had a job, but she just can't bring herself to do a load of laundry or dishes or even to feed herself. When I come home the house is trashed and she is starving because she couldn't find anything to eat (in our well stocked house).

 

Also, I hate judging people on their physical body, but she has gained about 100 pounds since we got married, I am a very active person (I run marathons, etc), but getting her to even walk half a block with our dogs means she will complain for hours afterwords.

 

Every day she finds something to yell at me about, I had a realization awhile ago, for the longest time I thought I must just be an awful spouse since I couldn't seem to do things right, then I thought back and realized with every single other person I know they think I am a great guy, one to go to if you need help with something, I am smart, resourceful, etc. The only person that things I am a complete moron is my wife. That realization was one of the turning points when I realized there might not be anything to salvage in this relationship.

 

My life has been filled by so many negatives I feel like it has ripped my soul apart. I have made all the right decisions, but I get hit over and over again by my wife making the wrong ones, and when they don't work out I get yelled at and blamed by her. I don't need this.

 

When I tell my mom why I left, she will know some of the real reasons, I will not intentionally turn people against my wife, but I am done lying for her.

 

Hi,

 

I notice in your other thread you mention conflict avoidence. It's interesting my first marriage and wife could be exactly how you are describing your marriage.

 

'Wife I am sick of your mess, I go out to work and find the house like a tip, it makes me really unhappy' was something that remained unsaid and before I knew it I'd checked out of the marriage.

 

I LET HER (in caps to emphasise) treat me like this, she took the path of least resistance with nothing to stop her.

 

When your wife starts nagging at you about how you did something wrong say

 

'Keep talking to me in that tone and you can do it yourself and hand her the cleaning spray, duster, broom and walk away'

 

You are scared of her huffing and puffing, screaming etc, that she might do but in 10 minutes she will come back and give you a hug. It's called respect and she has none for you.

 

I think you can fix this marriage, if you leave her you will just transfer your problems to the next marriage as I did.