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Wife wants a Divorce seeing someone else


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 7th October 2011, 6:46 PM   #1
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Unhappy Wife wants a Divorce seeing someone else

Hey i need some help...my Wife is 27 and Im 32...we knew each other 9yrs married 5yrs...she told me that she has been unhappy for about 3yrs...there was no abuse...no cheating...what we did lack was communication..she said that she started to feel like i was her roomate..she says she loves me but she is not in love with me anymore...she moved out to her mothers house back in august 17...i know that she started to go out with her new friends at her job alot...she even started to go online to meet guys..she met this guy via facebook about 2.5 ago...he already is telling her that he loves her and that they have a great connection...he even bought her a plane ticket for them to go to PR for Bday in Nov...and trust me when i say that they only know each other for 2.5 weeks...they talk on the phone all the time and they spend alot of time together...i can even say that they had sex already...dont ask me how i know but i know...we talked the other day on the phone and she said that she feels that she is losing her best friend but she doesnt love me in that way anymore...she told me that this is special but is still premature...i asked her if she filed for divorce she said yes...i said dont lie tell me the truth..she than said no because she istrying to get some loose ends fixed first...i called in the night same day and when she picked up she acted like i didnt mean anything to her..she said that the divorce is going thru i dont love u in that way..i am seeing someone and that she seeing were it will go with him..a complete 180 from the morning...i asked her if she was with him right than and there and she wouldnt give me a straight answer...i feel like she is playing games or not...i love her very much and dont want to lose my wife...give some advise please...
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Old 7th October 2011, 7:18 PM   #2
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Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. For the time being you need to accept that you're not going to get your wife bak straight away so you need to focus on yourself. Go no contact, not to make her come back, but for you to work on yourself. Anything you've ever felt like you've wanted to do but held back because you didn't have the motivation or you were too busy with your wife? Well go do it now! Secondly, stop putting her on a pedestal...I know she seems perfect to you right now, but for god sake, you were married she should have confronted you about all of this and told you how she was feeling instead of taking the cowards way out and walking away from this! Please, make a list of all those times she's annoyed you, hurt you, made you mad, treated you badly, anything and read over it, you'll soon see she was no angel. In this no contact period start focusing on number one and that's YOU! Go to the gym, socialise, anything just to keep your mind off it. I'm telling you as a stubborn woman now, that she will not be crawling back or pining over you any time soon. Women want what they can't have and right now she knows she could have you in a second. Disappear off the scene, she will soon realise that the grass is not greener on the other side. As for the other relationship, please don't think about it, i know it's hard but think that everytime you think about it, it's a set back. You need to start being the person she was once attracted to. I guarantee with time though that you will soon start to feel anger and realise that you don't need this woman in your life, you don't deserve this. Maybe one day she will come back, maybe she won't but that doesn't matter now, what matters is YOU.
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Old 7th October 2011, 10:27 PM   #3
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Agree. Dont contact her. You will do yourself a world of good.
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Old 7th October 2011, 10:43 PM   #4
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i know its just that she means so much to me and she hasnt filed for divorce...we spoke over the phone the other day and she told me in the morning that she feels she is losing her best friend and that this guy is nothing he is nice and someone special...but its premature...but than i talked to her at night and she was acting real stupid over the phone she was saying that the divorce is going thru im seeing this guy and want to see where it is going...i dont love u anymore...and i asked her if she was in front of him and she wouldnt answer...she was showing me up in front of him...
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Old 8th October 2011, 12:18 PM   #5
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Life is truly too short to tolerate that kind of abuse. It is like one drowning person stepping on another to breathe. Her insensitivity and crass behavior indicates low intelligence and even lower self-esteem. The question is, when will you decide that enough is enough? When will your reasoning catch up to your love? Does a piano need to fall out of a window for you to wake up?

Hear this; you will never find the love you seek until you demand respect. One does not need to be arrogant or intolerant. The best rule is still 'do unto others'. Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone followed that?

Wish her well and let her go. You won't be losing a life, you'll be gaining a chance to make one. This is not love, nor is it something worth keeping.
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Old 8th October 2011, 4:46 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steadfast View Post
Life is truly too short to tolerate that kind of abuse. It is like one drowning person stepping on another to breathe. Her insensitivity and crass behavior indicates low intelligence and even lower self-esteem. The question is, when will you decide that enough is enough? When will your reasoning catch up to your love? Does a piano need to fall out of a window for you to wake up?

Hear this; you will never find the love you seek until you demand respect. One does not need to be arrogant or intolerant. The best rule is still 'do unto others'. Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone followed that?

Wish her well and let her go. You won't be losing a life, you'll be gaining a chance to make one. This is not love, nor is it something worth keeping.
so true...
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Old 9th October 2011, 8:35 AM   #7
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I know you think you want her back but she is cheating on you. And the chances are that should you reconcile she would eventually cheat again. And by then, hopefully not now, you might have children, which makes divorce even more difficult.

I know that I am in the minority here, but I advocate that the BS get back into the dating scene as quickly as possible.
'
My own personal experience, I caught my Ex kissing the OM, we fought and she moved in with him that day. Over the next month she took every opportunity to let me know how much better off she was with the OM, a pretty boy body builder. That she loved him and had never been in love with me.

I spent a week or two trying to get her to give us some thought, maybe seeing a MC, with zero results.

That is until the last visit, when she figured out that I had shared our marital bed with another woman the night before. She did a complete and instant 180. Crockodile tears, on her kness begging, and I'm Sorrys, let's try agains, she even went to far as to publicly humilate the OM and his lack of sexual skills and equipment, she was devastated.

The shoe was totally on the other foot, as she wanted me back. She spent th next 3 to 4 years trying to win me back. It was too late,
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Old 9th October 2011, 8:54 AM   #8
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Do not be afraid of divorce. True it is a terrible thing to got through.

Once I got out of the deep pit, my life took off again. there are lots of good loking hot, divorced 20 and 30 year olds who are out there looking for a good man. They are experienced and wanting to experience more.

My sex life took off to new heights, so high that for awhile I never wanted to settle down again.

The rule of thumb is that cheaters cheat down, while the betrayed spouse eventually moves up.

That is so true in my case. My current GF is the nicest, sweetest most kind and loving person I have ever met. Everybody loves her because she is so pleasant and easy going. And in the looks department, she is a knock out, beautiful face, long hair, longer legs, with a flat stomach and an hour glass figure. She is a grandmother, nearing 60 and is still eye candy and she is all mine and has been for 16 years. Nobody else need apply.

I occassionaly think of my Ex and an so greatful she chose to cheat on me.

Last edited by 2.50 a gallon; 9th October 2011 at 9:05 AM..
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Old 9th October 2011, 2:01 PM   #9
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LmL,

first, my sympathies. i have been in a similar situation.

the best advice has already been given: no contact. no calls, no emails, no texts. try it for a few weeks and you just might find yourself getting angry at how you're being treated. you WILL see things in a different light.

these members here know what they're talking about. they helped me see what was happening.

good luck, and keep your chin up, and don't contact her, or communicate. you'll be glad you did.
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