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Is anyone else living week to week, day by day almost??


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I know it sounds very common, but although time is ticking on and somewhere the healing IS occurring, my life is split into 2.

 

Weekdays i work flat out now, to occupy otherwise wasted time alone anyway. So Im quite tired. Upon arriving home from work i hit the bag or drumkit for 30mins, shower, muster up somethin to eat, check these boards n sleep. Same ***** different day.

 

Dont really watch my TV or play PS3 anymore... used to love it. I think someone suggested strategy type games to keep brain occupied...

 

Weekends are precious, but also fly by too quickly. Throw in the occasional mis-communication with the ex about arrangements and its all over in a flash, back to work.

 

No desire to be social at all, any attempt has had weird results and i come across like a disease that people can sense the need to be away from. So I'm fu(ked there, thus far.

 

NOW- somewhere in all that a space needs to be created, for personal growth. What? How? Alone or with whom?

My fear is that this is it... my life, my routine until my daughters are old enough to smell the bs their mum has dragged us all through.

 

I realise that time with ur kids is of a premium (and it is), but do u put ur own personal life on the shelf to enjoy the very limited time u get with them? Im struggling to find the balance, hence ME time is sadly at work.

 

(I am completely aware that others have it far worse off regarding time with children, houses etc) I just dont wanna get stuck til im 40, living this way. Maybe it is what it is, n thats it? Life of a single dad...

 

Thoughts from all are welcomed and greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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dreamingoftigers

I was living day to day hour to hour quite a bit from Feb to May.

 

I felt like I was kicked in the gut and that it slammed into my brain. I wished I could hibernate and wake up feeling better instead of processing all this crap day to day.

 

The thing that helped the most was hiking and then later lifting weights.

 

I worked out daily. I think it saved my sanity. Or it came close.

 

Even just amping up your cardio for 20 minutes is great. I prefer going outside. I find the gym environment a little stressful for some reason.

 

The connection I developed with myself was great. You may have pangs of grief or negativity while you are working out but the rest of your day will be improved. And the capacity for stress increases.

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Thanks DOT,

 

Yea the working out is great menatally & physically. I guess I was maybe a little in denial as to how my life is gonna play out now, as a single dad. Whether real or not, she seems to be enjoying her life, albeit with him. Im not enjoying anything, just existing.

 

Like MM4, i feel completely empty, like she stole my honesty. If life was a book, she'd just turned a new page, whereas i feel the old book is burnt and im in a whole new book, on my own having to re-discover a new story.

 

Make sense? Prolly not...

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Yep, sounds the same as me.

 

I used to come home from work, call kids, go cycling, get home, shower, post here or go in chat room, sleep. Repeat. Occasionaly have a night out with a friend or do something at the weekend.

 

Now i'm getting up earlier, 5 am, do my cycling then, shower, go to work, come home, call kids, shower, eat, watch tv/go out. repeat. Leaving all my evenings free to go out, have a friend over, go to rugby, and to start some new hobbies when i have the cash. Less time posting on here or in the chat room.

 

My life is still in turmoil as i have no money, cleaning/fixing the house, trying to sell the house, no car and dealing with the stbxw.

 

But for me i'm trying to get things changed so my life is totally different to what it was before and even last couple of months. I am mixing things up to see what works for me and what doesnt.

 

I hate coming home to nothing. I hate no being able to share things with the w and my kids on a daily basis. I hate what has happened. I didnt want this, i love my w very much as was willing to do anything to keep her happy.

 

Spending time by myself I can see clearly the flaws and red flags we had in our marriage. Some were my fault and some were hers. I can only fix myself so that is what i am trying to do. I have no control over the stbxw so i have no idea if she is being a better person or is just going to repeat the same things over again.

 

At this point i don't care. The overwhelming emotion when i see or talk to her is disappointment. Disappointed she never talked to me properly, disappointed she didn't want to save the marriage, disappointed in what she has done, disappointed in the way she has treated me and the kids, disappointed in her attitude that everything is solely my fault.

 

I hate this new life.

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Cheers Jaymz,

 

Man u are pretty positive ey. Fully onto it. I guess u have them days, it is a truly agonising ongoing thing, to continually push through good memories to see the reality of what u now face from what shes done.

 

U are right though, disappointment is the emotion u frequently come across in regards to ur feeling for her.

 

I dont know if the only key to unlock the stranglehold of this $hit is another relationship... cos at the present, i want nuthin to do with any females.

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LifesontheUp

I went through a phase of work, home/TV, bed then work - its something you go through I'm afraid. But I think you then get to the point that enough is enough. I eventually started to do things I'd given up years before and took up new hobbies that I'd fancied. Met new people and started to fill my life and enjoy it again.

 

Is there anything you ever wanted to do but didn't as in hobbies?

 

It can be an effort to put yourself out there after what you went through, but it does help - go on give it a go :)

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Lifeisontheup,

 

Thats terrific optimisum mate. The problem i have is re-dicovering what i enjoy, aside from what i already have (music).

 

For so long I thrived on being the provider and felt a part of something greater than anything else the world can offer- a family.

 

I gave up all other interests (moto x was one) and the social connections that came with them to focus soley on being there for my wife and kids.

 

So now Im free as a bird yet dont know where to fly.....

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LifesontheUp

Yep, know those feelings well. Was together for 18yrs with the xH and really didn't know anything else. But there comes a point where you either wallow in the situation or you motivate yourself to make what can be a better life.

 

You mentioned that moto x was one of your interests - why not give it another go? What have you got to lose?

 

Yes, its easy for me to say these things, but don't forget I've been there and come out the other end. Its a long hard road, but there can be light at the end of the tunnel, you've just to to believe it and try :)

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