Jump to content

Separation ??


Recommended Posts

Well since it came to be I have been reading everywhere about separation trying to get answers and found some tips.

 

My wife wants a separation. Trying to make the story short is that we both work alot and hardly ever have time together and when we are together we are both tired. We have had our fights here and there but then I think we recover and move on from them. Then this one sparks a separation. Sorry for not going into too much detail but Im just trying to keep myself anonymous and dont want people I know (or know me) getting into my problems.

 

A.) no one is cheating

B.) we are to busy with work

C.) communication went down the crapper

 

I know there were some books to read about winning my wife back and plan to get it when I'm not at work.

 

I just need some guidance on this as we have not been married a long time (3 years). I love her to death and she is my everything, I hate that we have to work so much, let alone that she has to work as much as she does. Work has taken up our energy and I guess you could say the spark is gone? She told me that she loves me but is not in love anymore. Which really hurt to hear. She doesnt want to hurt my feelings and needs time to think.

 

Leads to a problem that I did not know until reading tips from this site:

 

I thought that talking to her more would help but I found out I just need to give her her space.

 

I kept asking her what she was thinking and if there was a chance for us to be again. (Again should of just left her alone to give her her space) She said we will talk later or I dont know.

 

All of which this is just killing me on the inside. I try to find things to do to keep her off my mind which lasts for about 30 minutes at most until a random thought brings her back in my mind. Its been about a week and she hasn't filed for separation (which is probably due to not having time to) but mentally it is.

 

I want things to be back to where they were but I fear that I lost her and I cannot stand that I let her slip away.

 

We have not done MC again due to time. She has friends that she is talking too to get things off her chest. I just tell her how I feel about it (as I consider her my best friend on top of being my wife if that makes any sense) I just dont like friends or family to meddle in my problems as I dont want biased opinions on the matter.

 

I know she is a great girl and it is what made me fall in love with her and continue to be in love with her.

 

I just cannot take the anxiety, stress, depression, and most of all the painful feelings that this all brings. I need some guidance on how to make things right (money is tight and seeing a therapist or what not would hurt financially due to money spent and time off work in this great economy we are in)

 

Thanks for any help you guys or gals can offer!

Link to post
Share on other sites

jasper66,

 

Mate, this ***** is horrible stuff. Its like a f#ckin epidemic. Could be GIGS, could be another reason but she is definately weighing up whether her expectations are being met staying with u.

 

"She has friends she is talking to to get things off her chest".....

 

These 'friends' are more likely than not pushing her in the direction away from u, boosting her confidence up to the point where u really dont stand a chance in getting her back. It's sad stuff, its still killing me.

 

My exwife filed for separation (said we could do with a break), moved out with kids, n now has a bf who is basically ready to move in anyday now.

 

Its all too easy for the woman (bitch, sorry nice gals) to discard u like ur significance to her life was unmentionable, move on without a care in the world for the loving, hard-working decent guys whom remain potentially shattered emotionally and mentally for months.

 

Somehow, maybe through MC, u can get her to really open up and be HONEST enough to let u in on what she truly wants.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How do you know she isn't cheating? You say you both are too busy with work? Well my friend a LOT of affairs begin at the workplace.

 

You had better get an answer to this question before you do anything. If she is cheating then that will change everything.

 

Your comment "she is my everything" worries me though. Your wife should not be your "everything".

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jasper66,

 

I posted my story on this forum and only afterwards read the others and noticed how just about everyone's stories are somehow related to each other with similarities, i cannot give you advice but can give you my opinion based on my own experience and research i have done to at least make some sense of a confusing and frustrating situation.

 

As you found out "TIME" is what it will take to find the answers you looking for, either your wife will come to her senses and reconcile with you or it could be that you decide after time that there is no point to reconcile and U decide to move on. Unfortunately there is no magic formula one can use and we cannot change the other person, however we can change ourselves be that for better or for worse ...that is up to you and only you.

 

The majority of separations/divorces strangely enough can be avoided !!

What is that saying again, it takes 2 to start a marriage but only one to end it ...so true. The majority of couples end up as one party being the "clinger" and the other being the "with-drawer" wanting nothing to do with you and distances themselves from you emotionally and physically...its like 2 opposites end of a stick, you forever playing catch up but never get there! Each of us has a CHOICE ...and that it what it comes to at the end of the day...We can be influenced by others but still that choice still lies with you...Relationships will forever be that mystery that no-one can solve ....I say this....Find HAPPINESS within Yourself before you want to make someone else be that your wife/hubby or whoever else HAPPY ...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Heres whats going on right now, we still live together, she hasnt actually filed yet. Maybe because she is too busy with work right now. She still talks to me but im trying to give her her space, i just dont know what to do. I am misserable without her ( though we do still live together ) i need to know how to get her back. I wish i knew what she is thinking but she doesnt want to talk about that. Love hurts really bad. I cannot stop thinking about her and how to get her to fall back in love with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Heres whats going on right now, we still live together, she hasnt actually filed yet. Maybe because she is too busy with work right now. She still talks to me but im trying to give her her space, i just dont know what to do. I am misserable without her ( though we do still live together ) i need to know how to get her back. I wish i knew what she is thinking but she doesnt want to talk about that. Love hurts really bad. I cannot stop thinking about her and how to get her to fall back in love with me.

 

Look if you want to truly try and work this out then take the time off that you need to ie... leave work 1 hr earlier and pick her up when she get's off go for a walk and feed the pigeons or something. Just don't sit back and say we are both way to busy, you have to make the time to have a sucessfull M. An if you can't make it then take it you have no other choice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...