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very confused - "just want to "talk"


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Hello everybody.

 

I want to take the time to thank you in advance for naything you have to say. Please excuse this post as I am reeling from "bad news" and may not be coherent.

 

My wife of 2 years recently told me she was/is very unhappy in our relationship. I agreed with her. We both felt that we had both been unhappy for some time and needed a change. I know what I needed to change in myself to make it work between us - I decided/resolved to do it right away. As I did them I found myself becoming more interested in the possibilities in happiness with my wife and was becoming generally excited to see where our relationship could go.

 

Now, 1 month later, tells me she was no longer in love with me, but that she loves me. There was no blow up or anything on my part when I heard that. I mean - what do you really say to something like that - other than taking a deep breath and accepting it?

 

She then went on to say she wanted to separate. I asked her what she meant by that. She said she wanted to move out and get her own place, but is resolved to not take off her ring. We were best friends before getting married and she says she wants to be my friend always.

 

I listened to her for a long while and in not so many words I replied with something like: I dont want you to go. I am still very much in love with you and want to work out any problems we have. I mentioned to her that she needs to decide what will make her happy in life - and that if that path is not with me - then she needs to pursue that...that is was not in either of our interests to continue the unhappiness on one for the sake of the other.

 

Oddly we both slept in the same bed that night - she wanted to cuddle and I shyd away. She woke up in the am and gave me her good morning kiss on the cheek and whispered three times that she loved me. This left me so confused about what was going on here.

 

Over the last few weeks I am starting to think that she is in love with me. That she does love me as much as I love her. She knows that she has a lot to change and Im wondering if she is taking the easier way out (separtion)..as I believe the changes both of us would have to make in ourselves and our relationship will be tough.

 

I believe that the energy associated with the pain of separation for us both could be better wielded to work on the relationship - rather than focus on the misery and the issues that surround separation. I know there is no real way I can make her believe that though.

 

In the end I asked her to please not move out right away - rather stay with friends for a bit to decide what she wanted to do. If she decides to move out and get her own place and live her own life - I would hate it, but understand.

 

I am now doing my best to make sure I do not crowd her or bother her in any way. The only real contact I had with her was I wrote her and asked her out on a date sometime - and mentioned that if she did not want to talk about the relationship - then we did not have to. I dont know exactly the balance between giving room and not giving enough attention. I dont want to crowd her, but I dont want her to think I dont care. If she is still in love and just needing her time/space...

 

there is plenty more to say - and I would like to talk more about it later.

 

I just wonder if I am doing the right thing here...i am very confused...my idea of time has slipped from me as this entire experience has turned my last two months into a huge blur.

 

If anybody has any advice I would appreciate it.

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Well....understandably....you are hurt and confused. Then again, there is nothing better than reading between the lines. She may very well love you.....but NOT be in love with you any longer.....as you stated. All the love and hopes you have for your marriage depends on TWO people agreeing on working at it....not just one.

 

You are right in giving her and the situation....SPACE AND TIME! And I really think only time will tell.

 

Please keep in mind though....just cause someone doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer....doesn't mean they don't value what you had in the past or will not want to rekindle what you had at some future point. Sometimes....love just isn't what we want it to be....or it can surprise you and come back in full force. AGAIN, oly time will tell.

 

PS: You sound like a person who really has a grip on things.....and has remained stable thru it all. You are to be commended.

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Wow, you are so in touch with your emotions, its a beautiful thing. I really understand your pain, because I am going thru it now too. It sounds like she is really confused right now, she knows she loves you, but not sure if "in love". The only thing you can do is give her the space she needs, and try to do everything in your power to figure out what it is you really want. It is very important to keep yourself as busy as possible and do the things you love, and surround yourself with people who support you and care about you. I am telling you if I did not do this, I would fall apart. Keep the faith happiness is just around the corner, with or without her :)

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Thank you for your kind words.

 

I really wonder if i really do "have a grip" on things. Or if it is just my male bravado. Or my saefety net of logic and "the right thing" ruling over my emotions. Right now I just dont know.

 

I do have two things going on in my mind that I can not quite figure out - and I would really appreciate some advice on this if you have the time.

 

She has not relayed that she wants to work on the relationship - rather she took my path and agrees that time apart might make her see what it is that brought us together in the first place.

She said she will be staying at her friends house for a while. I believe that is a great idea. However - she has not "officially" left yet. She stays there one night - then home the next night. Then a few night off...then sleeps on the couch..then in the bed..then at a friends...this morning she came into the room and layed next to me and held me really close for about 30 seconds..I could tell she was crying.

 

At what point do I ask her to go? I mean I really dont want her too, but her staying around and getting nowhere in her journey is killing me...both watching her go through this and having to deal with the uncertianty of her actions/needs. Do I ask her if/when? Do I ask her if she is staying because deep down she really does not want to go? I know she is scared to really comit to leaving the house for a bit, but her fear of leaving is taking a toll on me and our relationship. I dont want to pressure her to get on with it, but at the same time at what point is this not fair to either of us?

 

Or would the better path be to reassure her of my love and let her know that if she is committed to work on this Ill work with her to find a way we can both be happy?

 

any advice there would be wonderful. Delicate situation.

 

 

The other issue - and this is a very tough one for me. I dont want a seraration. If she wants that I feel that I would wait a few months to see if anything positive happens. We have no children and we both have great jobs - so there is no real reason for a true separation. If there is nothing - I feel that a divorce would be best. I dont think it would be fair to me to sit in limbo for a sign of anything that could be seen as positive. I am not the kind of person to "pine" for another. I would feel that after 6 months (not including what we have already been through) should be enough for her to decide if she wants to try or not. If not I feel I should be "set free". Is that selfish of me? a bad way to look at it? If this is the path I choose should I tell her this? or should I keep it to myself till I hit my "breaking point - when I am ready to file"? I dont think an ultimatum would be a good thing at this point, but at the same time I think it would be only fair for her to have all of the facts in hand before making a decision.

 

any advice there would also be very appreciated.

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I'm kind of an "all or nothing" person myself....so I understand when you say you don't want this thing to go on and on....if there isn't a future. Why prolong the pain and all the adjustments you'll have to make in your life?

 

Then again, NOT giving it some time is possibly going to push her away...or make her stay with you before she is ready. Neither one of those options are very good either.

 

Do you think there is a possibity she was seeing someone else and doesn't know what to do or how to tell you? It sounds to me like she doesn't want to let go of you.....but is very confused about something.

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I can say that she was not. I dont feel she is the type. Her and I are very serious regarding monogomy. At the start of the marriage I told myself that I have to trust her 100%. anything less and that would sow the seeds of doubt and jealousy. And I do trust her 100%.

 

No I honestly dont know if she did or not. She knows that any infidelty on her part will result in an immediate termination of the marriage and our friendship. I cant be friends with somebody that would betray another is such a way...I am a HUGE believer in character...and I feel that betraying that vow shows a definate lack of it. If the person was me that was cheated on - there is less room for forgiveness.

 

anyhow - trust is a very BIG part of our relationship. If I ask her that she will assume (and rightfully so) that I do not trust her. I feel that would cause things to degrade rapidly. If I start thinking she has - or really thinking about it (since the idea has crossed my mind and quickly removed) then Ill be doing my trust in her a disservice and Ill watch myself be drawn into a hole that will take a long time to "crawl" out of.

 

It is something she would have to tell me. She knows what it would mean. So if she was with another - that really puts her between a rock and a hard place - but I have no pity for her if that is the case. It comes back to character here. However she also knows she can tell me and nothing "bad" will happen to her. I think she knows that is a choice she would have to make in her life. If she told me - I would not be married to her and I would not be friends with her for a long while, but the courage she would have to tell me such a thing would draw me back to her after some time - because it takes character to tell your mate something like that.

 

 

I know my reaction sounds somewhat harsh, but I had a fiance about 7 years ago - and I found her in our bed with one of my friends. When I walked in she saw me and did not stop her "actions". Being a non-violent guy I grabbed a sweater and went outside. It took me years to climb out of my self pity, loathing, etc. She knows the story and knows how important it is to remove me from the picture if that is her desire. I dont plan to go through that again

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She woke me up this morning and asked for a divorce. I asked if she wanted more time to think about it. she said no. I guess all I can do now is think about me and my future without her. The next few months are bound to be messy, but I am really going to try to keep positive about my future.

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Hi, Zero. (by the way, why that user name?)

 

 

I've been following your posts and just wanted to say that YOU do NOT have to do anything you don't want to. If your wife wants a divorce, let her initiate it. You don't have to enable her to do so if this is truly not what you want.

 

 

Tell her you're sorry she feels that a divorce is the answer --- then, DO NOTHING! Just see what happens next. Maybe she's just trying to see your reaction. I would, however, begin getting things in order, talk to an attorney (not retain them - just ask for a consultation which can often be free) and find out your options and again, let her make the next move.

 

 

It's a rotten situation and I'm sorry for your pain. I'm going through much the same thing in my marriage right now. My husband said he wanted a divorce more than a year ago. When I failed to fly off the handle and react the way he thought I would, it really threw him for a loop. We're still together and making more forward steps than backward ones. And believe me, our situation was as dire as it could be.

 

 

Take care of yourself. I care. Kay

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I am a huge Nightmare Before Christmas fan [wow just hit me that I am having one right now! :) ] The dog's name is zero.

 

As far as the good morning I want a divorce. well yeah - not the best time, but I feel that if she is at that point then there is really no good time. Id rather know now - instead of two days from now.

 

After she said that I asked her if anything was going on outside the marriage that would lead her to this kind of choice (I mean it does seem like a quick reaction, no?) She said there was nothing..then apologized for wasting 5 years of my life. Said she thinks this is the "easiest" thing to do.

 

I then asked her if this is what she really wanted to do. She said yes. I asked her if she had talked to her sister (who she looks up to more than anybody else in the world) - she said no. I called a mutual friend a little while ago as well - and he has heard nothing about this at all - other than she was unhappy.

 

I know this might sound crude, but I know over the last week she was premenstrual. I dont know if that has anything to do with it, but sometimes she can get a bit down during that time.

 

I am just bewildered that she did not seek advice or time apart to decide. This just seems illogical to me - but then again - I guess love and the ways our lives dont always follow the logical course.

 

I cant help to think that she is depressed or suffering from some kind of physical/hormonal/chemical issues. This is something we have discussed in the past - and she refuses to admit there might be an issue and will not go see a professionsal even to allieve my worry. Every one of these talks ended in a fight and I was somehow to blame for whatever she was feeling.

 

She asked if she could come home tonight and talk about it. I said not tonight. That I needed some time to accept her choice. I think I just want to take a night or two to decide how I am going to react to her choice.

 

She is the kind of person that if a fight or arguement ensues - she becomes more rigid in her choice. So I dont want that to happen at this stage. At the same time I want to let her know that I think the choice is a rash one and that I am suprised she did not discuss it with friends. I want to tell her that I love her very much and am still willing to go into counceling with her to see what we can do - or at the very least have a controlled environment to discuss anything before the "left unsaids" become bottled up and turned into anger or regret.

 

She is a person that sees things in black and white for the most part...either things are 100% perfect or she takes the other side and takes it to the worst possible conclusion.

 

I did not get upset - did not yell - did not even raise my voice. I spoke in a very even tone - quiet almost.

 

Before she drove off I asked her if there was anything I could do or say to change her mind. She looked at me for 20 seconds or so then got in her car and got ready to drive away...before she left she said "I dont know how to answer that"

 

I do know that I will not file myself. If this is what she wants - she will have to get everything in order. After which I will sign nothing until I "have" to.

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Sorry if im using this as a journal, but thanks for reading.

 

She came and packed up a suitcase and left. Crying off and on. When I came upstairs to greet her she looked very scared - so I just walked up to her and held her - she started to cry. She went to pack a bit and found she had no socks - I think she was so frazzled she could not find any...Anyhow - I went and found her some while she packed (I Cant leave my girl with dirty socks now can I?)

 

I asked her if she would like me to leave her alone while she packed. She said she did not know. I told her we did not have to talk at all - if she just wanted to be held - that I was there. And she walked right up to me and grabbed onto me tightly...and she started to bawl.

 

We did not really say anything else - when she left she hugged me - I kissed her on the cheek and told her I love her. She said goodbye - I said goodnight.

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Keep hanging in there, Zero. This is a critical time for both of you. Seems to me you handled everything very well. I'm glad you are not running to the lawyer to file. If this is what she thinks she wants, then she needs to make the next move. You are taking the higher road by allowing her a chance to think things through and it appears to me that she knows you are there for her.

 

 

Some people might criticize this way of thinking, believing that it shows too soft a side and that the partner being left behind is not facing reality or the inevitability of a divorce. In my opinion, people rush into a divorce too quickly. Unless there is physical or mental abuse, I think it's far better to move slowly if you can. Once you bring lawyers into it, it becomes a messy, costly, painful process.

 

 

Don't worry about using this forum as a journal. There are many of us (myself included) who could write the same book! Keep in touch. I care. Kay

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"Some people might criticize this way of thinking, believing that it shows too soft a side and that the partner being left behind is not facing reality or the inevitability of a divorce."

 

As far as how I "act" or what -not....I belive that as long as I act like myself and dont attempt to manipulate the situation - as long as I belive we can still work things out - and live my life accordingly - then if it does all end I wont have any regrets or second thoughts about "what should I have done"

 

As far as not facing reality or inevitability...well I guess as an optimist - I wont belive it until i SEE it. Once I am served (hope it does not come to that), then I will make one more attempt - after which I will sign knowing I did what I could and did not give up before I should/could have.

 

I did make an appointment with a lawyer today though. Just as a consultant. No fee, but somebody to give me the basics and help me be aware of my situation and my possible future(s).

 

Last night she asked if my parents hate her..asked if I hate her..etc...

 

Just told her no - that we want what is best for her...we would like it to be a future with me, but we love her enough to be happy for her if she finds it elsewhere.

 

(I dont want a miserable wife)

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She told me tonight she does not want me to try. I am getting divorced at 29 after two years of marriage - and I dont even understand why. I am thankful I have my first appt with a therapist on Thursday. It is funny how alone you feel after something like this.

 

Sad thing is she told me in email.

 

thanks for everything guys. I really appreciate your kindness.

 

-----------------------------------------

 

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable.

It opens your chest and opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

 

You build up all these defenses.

You build up this whole armor, for years, so no one can hurt you,

then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life....

You give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it.

They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

 

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like

’maybe we should just be friends’

turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

 

I hate love.

 

-Gaiman

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Zero -

 

Very sorry to hear that things are not working out for you. You may be right about her being depressed; she may well think that the marriage has been the problem and that divorce will make her feel better. Or perhaps she thought marriage would.

 

When you're up to it, you might wish to check out this online book (or buy the actual book) :

 

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

 

 

best wishes

 

Merry

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I am so sorry, Zero. Please know that I am keeping you in my prayers.

 

I know that you probably don't want to hear that "you are young," "you will love again, " etc. etc. At least not now when your pain is so raw and your emotions are out of control.

 

Fact is, you do have many, many years ahead of you to experience new and wonderful feelings; about yourself and eventually, about a new person in your life. Please focus on taking one day at a time and be cognizant of your own well-being and health. Try as hard as you can to accept that you can't control your wife's feelings or actions; only your own.

 

I still wouldn't take any legal action, other than the consultation with a lawyer you said you were planning on making. Get things in order, make copies of everything (anything you think is important and even things you're not sure are important). I have been told numerous times that there is no advantage to being the first to file. (maybe other forum users might disagree?)

 

Given the fact that you both have jobs and do not have children, it should be a fairly easy divorce; IF in fact that is what is going to happen. Again, some might say it is denial or not facing the music, but I still think waiting it out, if only for a little bit, is your best course of action. Only my opinion of course.

 

Stay in touch. I care. Kay

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Well - We have talked a few more times and she is sure she wants this. We have already decided to be civil and keep lawyers away - we'll use a mediator if it comes to it.

 

Her best friends have called me and told me how sorry they are and how angry they are with her. They all tell her to get into counceling. they all tell her she is moving way too fast. Her best friend told me my wife just has a very immature idea of what love is - basically: that she needs the butterflies all the time and if that is not there then she thinks she is not in love. They say she needs conflict - highs and lows - a challenge - to help keep it going. Im such an easy going guy that she just cant handle the lack of emotional rollercoaster I provide.

 

She(the friend) also told me that she "let her have it" saying that I was a catch, that she would regret this choice the rest of her life, and that if she was not married she would do everyting she could to land a guy like me. I know her family laid into her as well. Her sister called me and told me when she told her - that she blew up at her, refered to her as a selfish drama-queen and walked out. She asked me if I had any idea what was going on. Sad thing is I still have no idea.

 

To her friends and family I am the best thing that ever happened to her - and they cant fathom why she would do what she is doing.

 

I do find some comfort in the fact that even her closest friends are supporting me and doing everything they can to help her see she is making a huge mistake. But she wont listen.

 

I do tell everybody that calls me to please look after her and make sure she is ok. She needs their support in this and seems to be in a very bad place right now. Try to push her into therapy and give her love. I ask them to please not take a side and if anything make sure she does not feel like everybody is abandoning her.

 

My wife wrote me and asked if she could spend Christmas day with me. Does that sound strange?!? She wants to be friends and does not understand that things wont be the same between us for a long time..if ever.

 

I get the feeling she thinks we are only breaking up. - and does not truely understand the severity of a divorce.

 

anyhow - Im doing allright - still in awe, but some of my emotions are beginning to surface (finally!). I feel betrayed. I still have not been able to cry - the only person I feel close enough to to cry with is my wife as she was my best friend. I am seeing a councelor now though..and it makes me feel much better after the 50 minutes..gives me strength I guess.

 

ramble over

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It's hard to see the person to whom you've shared your soul is moving on without you. What are the reasons? Even if a person knows the reasons, it doesn't console a bleeding heart. Real love is so strong yet fragile. When it falls, it takes you down. Tears leaking from the hurting spirit are sometimes not outlet enough.

 

I spent an hour driving around the countryside tonight. I cried a lot. quiet, large and steamy tears. I cried those diaphragm-racking ones. I felt so sad and I had to be alone to think and remember. I am also feeling the emptiness of a love that has unraveled. As a child, I wondered how it could be when two people said they loved each other, yet could not be with each other. It seemed so simple, if you love someone, you would be with them. It's bittersweet to understand it.

 

Sometimes, you give someone up only to realize later that they were the kindest, most loving and wonderful person you could ever meet. Maybe your wife will come to see this later. If, and when she does, you may have already moved on. You may still be in love with her, but the chasm may be too deep to cross. You may not have any ill-will, only the memory of the pain. You may want so badly to be back in her arms, her knowing arms! You may wish to look into her secret-holding eyes, tell her your secrets over again, and feel the confidence and the intimacy of sharing these things with her. You may want to cry with her, tell her how much you love her, how much you hurt. I know that I wish I could do these things with a special someone in my life, and that he wishes he were still in a place where he could too. But decisions are made. Some are irretractable. When they are, everything changes.

 

I don't know what you will be willing or equipped to do after this. It may not be any comfort at all to know that others are experiencing the gut-wrenching effects of loss, but at least know any and all of your emotions are warranted. Know that changes in outlook from day to day are going to happen. Know that it is all right to be upset and sad. Also know that people on here will always be around to listen, and to talk, even if you don't know how to feel.

 

Laura

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if i were u i would tell her to burn in hell. she is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome. she'll eventually be back someday crying on your doorstep. and when she does, u better piss in her face and tell her "BURN IN HELL''

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IMO, definatly take any legal action that you must in order to protect yourself and your property. I have know several friends who thought that thier soon to be ex-wives were going to be fair and then were robbed blind. If she doesn't mind tearing your life apart, what's taking the house?

 

I mean no disrepect, just watch your back.

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Furby - man, you sound angry! I can see where you are coming from though. I do know that if she wants to come back the tougher it would be for both of us. I know if she does, it would be a very long road. Right now I dont really trust her and my faith in her is dwindling daily. If she does want to try - as her husband - I'll give it 100% though. However I know that I will make it clear to her that I expect nothing less that 100% from her. And I will make it very clear to her what I expect from myself and what I expect from her. If she cant/wont do it - then I wont even bother.

 

DragonflyX - I know exactly what you mean. I am very concerned with her. I know she can be a vindictive person. However - at this point I know if I stay/keep my cool and remain kind to her I have a good chance of avoiding any serious issues. I do however want to get us to come to a solution and go to a mediator so they can make some official papers and such. That way - we can have it done cut and dry - and to be honest - Im willing to give up a bit more to her to avoid a lenthy court/lawyer fee.

 

LauraD - thank you very much. Your post was wonderful. I find comfort in the fact that others are going through this type of loss with me. Although I wish for everybody else's sake that I was the only one. The emotions are starting to surface and I am dealing with them the best I can. Im moving her stuff into our third bedroom and working hard to clean up the house and keeping myself busy with projects. I find it better than sitting and moping. Sometimes I do though. I find it very hard to listen to music when driving in the car. I find the emotions are unstable at best....I go from anger to lonliness, to feeling betrayed, to feeling helpless, back to anger, etc. there is no pattern or reason to it and a simple thing like my cat scratching me can almost bring me to tears.

 

This morning she was going to come over and help me move some of her personal stuff into another room. I told her I wanted to move stuff up from the basement and put it upstairs so I could "consolidate" my life. I told her how important it was to me to do this. She has yet to call me. Twice now she has flaked out on a promise to come over and either talk or do something that involves me. She either cant face me - cant face her choice - or she is just so confused that she is being a flake. Im getting sick of it.

 

Im a huge believer in horton " I meant what I siad and I said what I meant - an elephants faithful 100%"

 

On one hand I understand this is tough for her - but on the other I get the feeling she just thinks I should be ok with this and wait for her to do what she wants when she is ready. She is acting as if she wants to wait to comit to the divorce. She has yet to tell her family.

 

still confused(understandably)...still in limbo(unfairly)...

 

thanks all.

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Hello zero. I hope you are having a good day. Someone told me to take it one day at a time(Kay), and thats all you can do. I feel for you because my situation is very similar plus 3 kids. We have been together longer, but I feel the roots of the problems we have are similar. My wife may be depressed, if nothing else very unhappy with everything in her life not just me. She says she will always love me. I am the father of her children she will say, and that I'm a wonderful guy. I think we get comfortable with the way we treat our partners, and we quit listening. My wife hasn't been happy for as long as 6 months she says. She'll say we never have been very happy, always arguing or something. We do care about each other, and I hope that is something we can build on.

 

Love is like a 800lb gorilla, it can let you feel strong and comfortable and good, but then it can pound you into the ground so that you feel weak and unwanted.

 

God never promised life would be easy, but he did show us how to live.

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Well - tonight was a strange step for me.

 

My wife and I have had season tickets to our local hockey team since we have been together. I had them before we met as I have always loved the game. With the season tickets my wife and I had 36 dates a season. It was a way during the darker winter months and higher workload to be able to go on a date at least once a week - sometimes 3 or 4. Oh - and she went becasue she loved it - not just to appease me. :)

 

Tonight was the first time I went to a game without my wife in over 4 years.

 

I almost did not go. Then with 40 minutes before game time - I got up - shaved - and threw on my team's sweater. I drove down there just feeling lost. Sat in my seat with the empty one next to me. I found it difficult to enjoy it without her next to me with her head on my shoulder.

 

In an areana with over 10,000 people I felt so alone.

 

I know this one was the toughest...and they will get easier as the year goes on.

 

There is another game tomorrow and I'll be going as well. I guess I have to be strong and keep my head up and not stop doing something I love just because she is not there.

 

It is hard though. Very hard.

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Dear Zero,

 

I keep checking your posts to see how you're doing. Just wanted you to know that, even if I don't know you personally, I can see that you really are a kind, considerate and strong person. I continue to wish you happiness that is bigger than you ever thought possible. We are in similar situations and I still "take one day at a time." Please keep doing so, too.

 

Keep in touch. I care. Kay

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