LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

Am I over reacting??


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 28th December 2010, 12:06 AM   #1
New Member
 
NewlySingleMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Unhappy Am I over reacting??

2 1/2 months ago I found out my husband is having an affair with a 20yo girl that he works with. ( Hes 35) I kicked him out, and he went to stay with her, then got an apt here in same complex, which she now practically lives with him. The affair started in August? We have two boys (13 & 10). He flat out told them that hes having the affair and cheated on me, etc. & of course they dont really grasp what that means. 13yo sort of does. He has practically thrown her in our faces. My 10yo likes her,cuz "she's fun". Since she's always there, if they wanna see their dad, they have to go up to his apt and shes there. they know they sleep in same bed together, etc. He even brought her to our 13yo's band concert at his school. And when our 13yo just had surgery(tonsils) our 10yo was in school. Instead of getting off work or having our son walk to his work(only 3 blocks away) he wanted his homewrecker gf to pick him up and watch him til my 13yo was able to go home. I said hell no! Left my son at hospital and picked up the other son from school,went back to hospital.
Now my 10yo goes up there to his apt and wants to stay the night. I said no! Told his dad that I dont think its appropriate. Yes they know that they are together, but dont need to "see" it.
Before I even knew they were together, I said theres something about her that I dont trust,shes gonna screw you somehow( little did I know that that pun was true!) and even his best friend feels it too. Shes 20.lost her license due to no insurance and accident, etc. not very responsible as most 20 yo's arent! But I just dont trust her. Ive never even met her,dont want to, but have seen her and know who she is. I dont know if this is mothers intuition, or me just being pissed about the whole affair thing. I am pissed at how my husband is handling it all. Im worried for their future, he is not giving a choice of if we like it or not. Yet hes the one that said no bringing anyone home til youre dating at least 6 months. HA! But I just dont want my boys around her alone. And I dont want them staying the night at my husbands place when shes around. He's putting her as his real long time girlfriend. I as everyone else knows that it wont last long. I dont think my boys need to be subjected to it all more than they already are. He says im over reacting. Am i?
I will be filing for divorce, even if he gets over his midlife crisis!
p.s. I am disabled with MS. wheelchair bound 90%. hes tired of all this "handicapness",nagging and having to say where hes going and who hes going with, etc.
We have been married 14 yrs, together since '93
__________________
~*~ NSM ~*~
NewlySingleMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 3:28 AM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3
he deserved it

i think it is great that you kicked him out and are divorcing the fool, hang in there

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewlySingleMom View Post
2 1/2 months ago I found out my husband is having an affair with a 20yo girl that he works with. ( Hes 35) I kicked him out, and he went to stay with her, then got an apt here in same complex, which she now practically lives with him. The affair started in August? We have two boys (13 & 10). He flat out told them that hes having the affair and cheated on me, etc. & of course they dont really grasp what that means. 13yo sort of does. He has practically thrown her in our faces. My 10yo likes her,cuz "she's fun". Since she's always there, if they wanna see their dad, they have to go up to his apt and shes there. they know they sleep in same bed together, etc. He even brought her to our 13yo's band concert at his school. And when our 13yo just had surgery(tonsils) our 10yo was in school. Instead of getting off work or having our son walk to his work(only 3 blocks away) he wanted his homewrecker gf to pick him up and watch him til my 13yo was able to go home. I said hell no! Left my son at hospital and picked up the other son from school,went back to hospital.
Now my 10yo goes up there to his apt and wants to stay the night. I said no! Told his dad that I dont think its appropriate. Yes they know that they are together, but dont need to "see" it.
Before I even knew they were together, I said theres something about her that I dont trust,shes gonna screw you somehow( little did I know that that pun was true!) and even his best friend feels it too. Shes 20.lost her license due to no insurance and accident, etc. not very responsible as most 20 yo's arent! But I just dont trust her. Ive never even met her,dont want to, but have seen her and know who she is. I dont know if this is mothers intuition, or me just being pissed about the whole affair thing. I am pissed at how my husband is handling it all. Im worried for their future, he is not giving a choice of if we like it or not. Yet hes the one that said no bringing anyone home til youre dating at least 6 months. HA! But I just dont want my boys around her alone. And I dont want them staying the night at my husbands place when shes around. He's putting her as his real long time girlfriend. I as everyone else knows that it wont last long. I dont think my boys need to be subjected to it all more than they already are. He says im over reacting. Am i?
I will be filing for divorce, even if he gets over his midlife crisis!
p.s. I am disabled with MS. wheelchair bound 90%. hes tired of all this "handicapness",nagging and having to say where hes going and who hes going with, etc.
We have been married 14 yrs, together since '93
armytrapped is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th December 2010, 6:30 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,659
Nope, not over reacting
robf1971 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2010, 6:26 AM   #4
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 8,992
You're not overreacting at all. Divorce this idiot and make a contact agreement for the children.
But you do have to get used to the idea that if he wants her around, then it's his decision. While the kids are on his time, he chooses the activities and companions. If they spend every other weekend at his house then he can have her there too if he wants. Same goes for you, while they are with you, you can do as you please.
__________________
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2010, 6:42 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 196
I feel for you as I'm in a similar situation. There is little you can do I'm afraid. my 4yo son told me out of the blue after seeing his father, he was kissing C and loves her now.. Well that is great for a 4 yo to see. Luckily he rarely sees him. But do hold out to the knowledge that this foolish affair will NOT last, just as I am holding out for the day my stbx is out on his ear! I would not have him back but I will be glad when that day comes!
Take care and another thing, his children will know what he is and have littel respect for him in the future.
tobydog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2010, 12:22 PM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,327
That's simply disgusting. Coming from a man's perspective I am ashamed to admit that I have anything in common with him. Divorce his a$$ and nail him to the wall. If he wanted out of your marriage there are certainly much better ways to accomplish that goal!
What_Next is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2010, 4:57 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 20
I do not think you are over-reacting. As a mother, you have a right to have a say to where your children will sleep, stay etc. Also, during this time of seperation/divorce, the situation is also impacting your children and their best interests need to be considered. being exposed to their father's new relationship with a woman that does not seem rather stable but rather "fun", is most likely not in thier best interest.

While I and perhaps others here agree with you that you are not over-reacting, the question then becomes how do you make the father see this? I wish I had the answer for you, but you are not wrong nor out in left field in wanting to set healthy boundaries for your children adn keeping their best interest at heart. Perhaps it might be worthwhile to ask the kids how they feel about it. Its amazing how honest kids will be right off the cuff.
1/2moon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2010, 6:56 AM   #8
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 8,992
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1/2moon View Post
As a mother, you have a right to have a say to where your children will sleep, stay etc. Also, during this time of seperation/divorce, the situation is also impacting your children and their best interests need to be considered. being exposed to their father's new relationship with a woman that does not seem rather stable but rather "fun", is most likely not in thier best interest.
Surely the father has the same right? It is not a mother's exclusive right to judge the children's best interests. Assuming the father has 50% custody/contact, he has a 50% right as well. The OP might think this woman is a bad influence but the father might think she is a good one. So who is to say which is correct? The mother does not automatically win on the basis of her sex.
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2010, 7:18 AM   #9
Established Member
 
marqueemoon4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NoVA
Posts: 1,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by PegNosePete View Post
Surely the father has the same right? It is not a mother's exclusive right to judge the children's best interests. Assuming the father has 50% custody/contact, he has a 50% right as well. The OP might think this woman is a bad influence but the father might think she is a good one. So who is to say which is correct? The mother does not automatically win on the basis of her sex.
i totally agree with this. not sure why its always a given the mother has all the say when it comes to the children. It should be on a case by case basis.
marqueemoon4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2010, 2:36 PM   #10
Established Member
 
2010_Sorry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 188
I think what you are feeling is very normal! You definitely need to file for divorce from this man... he obviously thinks that his "new life" is what he wants. He is in for a rude awakening though... right now, this 20 year old is fun and easy-going... but as you said, she's irresponsible and that will soon begin to frustrate him.

I'm sure it hurts very deeply to see your kids like the other woman, and it's even worse to see them doing "family" things that you all used to do together... almost as if you were replaced. This however is something that most of us experience, when a marriage splits up and the couples find other significant others.

While you and everyone else may recognize that this relationship will never last, and introducing the kids to her was not a good idea... but the decision is ultimately his to make. Only he knows how he feels. Just do your best to vent your frustrations HERE... and not around the kids. You and your kids will be healthier for it...

Good luck, I know this is so hard!!
2010_Sorry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th December 2010, 2:43 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 255
NSM, no you're not over reacting at all. Unfortunately, in your current situation there is not much you can do about it legally. As the laws vary from state to state, you must consult an attorney.

Instead of the rage angle to try to get him to conform to your reasonable requests to not have the OW involved in your child raising, why don't you try the respect angle? As undeserving as he is, why don't you respect his decision to leave the marriage, and in return ask him to respect you as a mother?
goingstrong is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I over reacting? x_wednesday_x Family 3 8th December 2010 9:00 PM
Am I over reacting? In_thespurofthe_mome Long-Distance Relationships 15 12th August 2007 5:10 PM
am i over-reacting? happymom Separation and Divorce 1 17th March 2007 2:46 PM
Am I over reacting? or am I right? Marielle Dating 43 12th January 2007 11:17 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:47 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.