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How do I tell my STBX I don't want to be friends?


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Husband left about 2 months ago, I am working on moving on but still miss him and love him very much. Recently he started wanting to chit chat and make small talk when I would call me regarding the divorce, he has also emailed me songs to listen to. I feel like he is stringing me on and that I need to tell him we can't be friends for my own healing and sanity but I don't know how to do this without sounding mean. I know this is selfish but he has been selfish in leaving me and I know I can't continue this way without giving myself false hope. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

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Husband left about 2 months ago, I am working on moving on but still miss him and love him very much. Recently he started wanting to chit chat and make small talk when I would call me regarding the divorce, he has also emailed me songs to listen to. I feel like he is stringing me on and that I need to tell him we can't be friends for my own healing and sanity but I don't know how to do this without sounding mean. I know this is selfish (Umm, no you are not being selfish by putting your healing first!!) but he has been selfish in leaving me and I know I can't continue this way without giving myself false hope. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

 

I think you have answered your own question....the easy answer is to just flat out tell him you can't be friends, you need to concentrate on healing yourself. He can't help you with that, he is the one that caused it.

 

My ex had this "dream" that we could be friends like his parents were...all one big happy family with me attending family cook outs like his mom does with the ex, the OW and the kids....umm, no...fantasy land. You have your life now and he has his. His decision made it that way, not you.

 

Do not let him make you feel guilty, you have a right to find your own happiness and healing now.

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Husband left about 2 months ago, I am working on moving on but still miss him and love him very much. Recently he started wanting to chit chat and make small talk when I would call me regarding the divorce, he has also emailed me songs to listen to. I feel like he is stringing me on and that I need to tell him we can't be friends for my own healing and sanity but I don't know how to do this without sounding mean. I know this is selfish but he has been selfish in leaving me and I know I can't continue this way without giving myself false hope. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

 

He left you, 2 months ago, by choice. HE hurt you. Why are you afraid to just be honest and tell him to leave you alone, that you can't handle nor do you want a friendship with him. He isn't your 'buddy'. He was your H and chose to leave, his consquence of that is LOSING YOU.

 

HE doesn't want to be the bad guy, doesn't want you to hate him which is why he's being nice and sucking up to you, sending you songs. Or, he's messing with you on purpose and purposely leading you on. Either way, tell him to please respect your wishes..Leave you alone.

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You tell him:

 

I love you. I married you. I didnt sign up to be just friends. That is not what I wanted. We can both move forward in opposites directions, but we are not picking a new one together.

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Why do you want to not sound mean? He left you.

Tell him that if he's not on his knees begging forgiveness then he can f*ck off.

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UnsureinSeattle

Confused, he left you. There's no need to be so solicitous of his feelings. A polite, but firm "I don't feel it's appropriate to stay in contact" or however you want to word it should be fine.

 

Wanting him to respect your wishes is not "selfish."

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He's trying to make himself feel better about what he did to you. My stbx is doing the same thing to me. She's still with the OM, but wants to be "friends" she wants the friendship we used to have, the laughs we used to share, but also wants that with the OM...can't have it both ways.

 

Wish I could do NC, but we've got kids, so we HAVE to see each other 4-5 times/week when I pick up or drop off. She's still living in the marital home and I had to go over this morning when the pipes froze because she didn't know what to do. It's going to eventually be my home (when she and the OM move out in 4 months after they get their own place), so, I have to maintain the house...plus, the kids are there, so I'm still "on call" with her.

 

Don't let him convince you that he's thinking about your feelings...he's just trying to make himself feel better...he doesn't deserve to feel better about what he did to you.

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Why do you want to not sound mean? He left you.

Tell him that if he's not on his knees begging forgiveness then he can f*ck off.

 

Thanks everyone...especially you Pete ^ This was my favorite ;) haha

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