She's having at the very least and emotional affair if not a physical affair ~ or one on the verge of turning into one.
I would suggest you forget
about her and let her go on about her business and her affairs
and take pro-active steps to do what is best for you and your children and you and their future and best interest.
Take a Fool's Advice and from someone who's been there and done that.
I would let her go on her so-called "Vacation!" Hell I'd even pay for it!
But while she was gone I would be 'setting the stage' and blind-side her with a divorce petition, court date, seeking full custody, and possession of any and all martial assets.
I would even play the "I want a restraining and eviction order ~ because I feel endangered for my children and I." gambit.
When it comes to this sort of thing and divorce? There's only two kinds ~ ugly and uglier!
She's not only in "affair fog" mode she's practically delusional in that if at forty-something ~ she thinks she's going to replace a devoted husband and father of her two children of twenty years with someone new?
Oh she'll have no problem find herself someone new, and then someone else, and then someone else and then someone else.
Each time she'll move further and further down the food chain until she ends up with a "bottom feeder" the lowest of the low.
I've literally have studied through experience and reading ~ and have seen it time and time again.
I've got it down to almost a mathematical equation?
Its hard finding someone who your not only compatible with but who complements you and you they?
Someone who is willing to invest an
of time, effort, energy, hard work, and even money
~ who is willing to put up with, deal with, tolerate, and even choke down on your
crap and baggage and you
And we all have crap and baggage that we bring into any and each relationship?
Most often than not? Its not going to last.
I can tell you personally speaking ~ having been married and in another LTR of six and half years? I would be very hesitant to get myself involved (Tangled up with) someone who has young children? Especially if one of them had autism? (Sorry ~ not my intention to offend)
You think raising children is expensive and hard? Try raising and dealing with someone else's.
The simple fact of the matter is that 'relationships' are easy
to get into, can be difficult to maintain (and for you younger one's that's
a daily maintenance thing) and more-often-than not? Damn hard to get out of.
The main reason marriages and relationships fail?
Because people, both men and women (more so men than women IMHO) don't know how to make marriage work? They don't know how to daily
manage and nurture relationships.
Men think "Hey in so long as I don't cheat, hang out to much with "tha boys" drink, gamble away, snort up my nose the rent / mortgage? In so long as I'm a hard worker, hold a steady job and I'm a good "provider? I'm a good husband!"
Eeeeeeeek! Wrong answer!
You've got to date your mate!
What it took to get her? Is what it takes to keep her!
And the sad truth of the matter is?
Even sometimes that's not enough!
You could the best looking, richest guy in the world and it still wouldn't be enough!
You could be the most romantic, sweetest, nicest, most thoughtful. considerate guy there ever was?
And still end up where your at?
You should be less concerned about your wife her EA and / or PA affair, your marriage and more concerned with damage control!
Because as bad
as it is and may seem to be? I'm here to STAND UP AND TESTIFY
that it can
go from bad to worse in Mississippi Minute!
Sorry but IMHO? The only difference between your marriage and the Titanic?
The Titanic still had a band playing "My Heart Bleeds For You" as she went down and under the waves!