The Evenings

[You Go Girl]

With the light of day my life is ok. I can fill the day easily, keep busy, in fact there's too much to do, not too little.

It is the evenings that I fear. I am sleeping with a night light, something I have never done, and I don't know why.

It's the lonely evenings. I don't know how to fill them.

Coping strategies for the evenings anyone? What do you do to fend off the darkness?

I'm no bar party type. I don't like tv much. I seem to have trouble focusing on fiction, although I have been an avid reader my entire life.

I have 50 dvd's, but they don't appeal to me either, and some I have watched several times over the last few months.

I don't know how to be single in the evenings.

I suppose I could start all my vacuuming and floor washing at 9 p.m. Heh. Maybe I'll try that.

Sitting in front of the computer every evening for too many hours makes my backside sore.

[w.e.]

I can definitely relate. The evenings are lacking the distractions of the daytime, so it's more easy to get caught up in your head. X_X

 

I've been riding my bike every morning which at least is motivation to go to sleep early. Otherwise, I end up spending most of my time on the computer which isn't the most healthy option.

 

Try this; start setting your alarm for earlier than you'd like. Make yourself start waking up earlier. I've been -trying- to go to bed at around 10pm or so. Nothing good happens past 10, for me. I just dwell and overthink everything. X_X

[worlybear]

How about doing some writing- poetry or maybe a novel? It doesn't have to be "chick-lit" or a re-hash of your own life, perhaps do some research during the day and write about something entirely new? Hugs:bunny:

[heartbrokensj]

With the light of day my life is ok. I can fill the day easily, keep busy, in fact there's too much to do, not too little.

 

It's the lonely evenings. I don't know how to fill them.

Coping strategies for the evenings anyone? What do you do to fend off the darkness?

I'm no bar party type. I don't like tv much. I seem to have trouble focusing .

 

 

You Go Girl, I can totally relate with the except that now I am acting as a single mother of my 20 month old daughter so once i put my daughter to bed I find myself really antsy and anxious at night. I haven' tried this yet but I will tonight and hopefully the next upcoming nights to come ..is to put on some workout dvds instead my usual of checking my emails, logging on here or reading a book or work and then grazing on whatever snacks - very bad habits i am trying to break myself from. I, like you am not much of a drinker or going out type....so i guess perhaps trying different things if your open to exercise dvds or cleaning is always productive. I haven't tried this yet either but some of my friends recommended meditation or yoga might help to calm the mind. Sorry, I wish had some creative innovative ideas to come up with.

[2sunny]

why not start a puzzle? you could even invite people over to work on its' progress with you...

[Fooser]

Hey,

 

I am currently going through a separation in which we are still in the same house together. My wife sleeps in our bed, and I get a blowup mattress in the TV room outside of the kids bedrooms.

 

For sleepless nights, I have actually found that listening to inspirational audiobooks on MP3 helps a ton. Download stuff like "The Secret", or anything you can find for self help with your situation. I am addressing an Alcohol problem I have, and listening to AA's Big Book has really helped me. It's a great way toease into some sleep, and it is also easy to focus on what your listening to because that's all you're doing

 

Best of luck to you.

[nobmagnet]

i can relate too.

 

however i am a party girl since i kicked lowly worm out:bunny:

 

Music helps me. old stuff. \my brother kindly made me a compilation of life before lowly worm and i love it! when i was me. Helps me see the person I am not what i was with him.

 

if you dont go out then invite yor mates round. have girly nights, wine and song and giggles. My mates saved me. Dragged me out. I used to thow girly parties when lowly worked away so to go out for me was a revalation! but the chick nights can be amazing fun.

 

Do you have Ann Summers parties there? Its kinda like tupperwear but rude..... Cracking laugh. maybe try to organise one? oh such fun and a laugh a minute. My mates didnt leave till 3am!

 

hope it helps xx

 

nobby xx

[LittleTiger]

This is a tough one YGG and one I've never quite been able to solve myself.

 

I'm not a great socialite and not into bars etc either and, to be honest, at the end of the day I'm usually too tired to want to go out.

 

When my husband first left I took evening rock climbing classes and joined a local scuba diving club. It did get me through a rough patch but it was quite an effort to make myself go out.

 

Now I'm in an LDR and have slipped into a very bad habit of spending evenings on the computer. I'm sure it's not healthy so I'm going to start digital photography classes in a couple of weeks (now its written in black and white I can't back out of it ) .

 

Other than evening classes (pick a subject or activity that you've never done before), I quite like w.e.'s idea of getting up earlier and going to bed earlier so you reduce your evening alone time.

 

It's strange because I don't remember ever feeling lonely in the evenings before I got married.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Wow, this is something that I can totally relate to and have gone through this myself, maybe on some levels still going through, who knows. After my divorce slightly over 2 years ago I was a basket case but I found that dealing and coping with the divorce during the day time was fairly easy. It was easy to fill my day with things to do, places to go, people to see. But as the Sun started to make it's way down and darkness fell, that's when things got tricky.

 

I would find myself during the night with not to much to do, which sometimes made my mind wander, sometimes it would go to places that no one should venture into alone. To much time on my hands, with to little to do, made for very stressful nights.

 

I tried all kinds of things to help get my mind off of now being alone, divorced and in fear of the notion of being alone. I tried things like TV watching, which was ok for a while but it started to make me feel like I was wasting my time and could be doing other things. Then I tried things like Internet chat rooms, just to talk to real people and try to have meaningful conversations with them. This didn't work out very well, for a lot of people I ran into in those chat rooms were only there to scam on babes and scam on hunks, they basically were using it as if it were Match.com or Eharmony.com I wanted to talk, not be picked up on or talk about vial inappropriate things.

 

Then I tried something that I kind of still do today and that is clean. Sounds nut's I know, but during the night time hours I can clean a house just about better than anyone. I normally vacuum and dust and do dishes, stuff like that. Cleaning is one of few coping habits that I still practice today. But something that really helped me, on nights that cleaning didn't quite do the trick was going outside and taking a nice long walk. A t-shirt, shorts and a good pair of walking shoes and a sports bottle with water in it and a mini-flashlight for safety. Walking for me was one of the best tools I found to cope with the night.

 

Also I found reading helped, I tried my best to choose books that were outside my genre, something that would open up my mind a little and help make me see things that normally I wouldn't by staying "inside the box"! During the course of my reading things that were "outside the box" I stumbled upon a book at Barns and Nobel, Introduction to Zen Buddhism, I bought it and started reading, man talk about powerful stuff. For me, only speaking for me, you don't have to rush off and try this. I found the book energizing, rejuvenating and refreshing. This book guided me and helped me make the choice to convert. My new founded religious aspects of Buddhism helped save me.

 

The next thing I did, oh say about 4-6 months after my divorce, as to help fill the void, this might not work for some, but for me I adopted a kitten from my local SPCA. My new little one helped give me something to love, especially during the evening and night time hours. Granted a cat could never totally fill the void of a humans love, but it was a major help.

 

Something else that worked very well for me, and this might not work for everyone. But I found that during the evening and night time, with my environment it had to change. About 5-6 months after the divorce I choose to change things around inside my home. Keeping things the same as they were during our relationship was kind of hard to deal with. So one night I started by gutting out my living room, putting all the furniture in another room and walking around for a couple minutes deciding on what to do. I found that having my "creative juices" flowing really helped me during the night. Within a couple hours I pretty much had myself a brand new living room, all done up different, everything moved to new locations. Heck I even moved around the art work on the walls, that helped things a bit to. The next night, when I was starting to go nut's again with the loneliness, I picked another room to do. So about after a week or so of night time re-decor, I basically had myself a newish looking home. It felt very good to have things changed, for if I kept things the way they were, namely the way they were during my marriage, talk about the chaos of the constant reminders of times gone by.

 

I don't know about your money matters, which is none of my business, but if you can afford to purchase some new things for the house, maybe a new evening chair, some new pieces of art work, maybe something new that you can call all your own. I found good healthy bouts of shopping, especially during the night, "thank gosh for 24 hour Walmarts" this helped me by introducing new things into my environment. Plus it also fell in line with that "creative juices" thing again.

 

Also something that helped me cope with the evening and night time hours was listening to music. But I learned quickly that my music listening styles had to change. For at first I found myself listening to old stuff, familiar stuff and stuff that was played inside the home during my marriage. I had to make some radical changes to my listening genre's! I had to venture into the great "unknown" and try new things. So rather than listening to 80's music and Golden Oldies, I found myself drifting to the likes of music such as "New Age" and "Meditative", stuff like that. Heck, now a days Enya is my friend, through her songs she helps my mind relax.

 

Well I think this is just about it for now, I think this was enough examples of what I did to help me deal and cope with the evening and night time hours. I did some other things as well, maybe in the future I will share more of them. I hope this gives you something to work with and helped give you some good ideas. Good luck...........

Edited September 11, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[You Go Girl]

How about doing some writing- poetry or maybe a novel? It doesn't have to be "chick-lit" or a re-hash of your own life, perhaps do some research during the day and write about something entirely new? Hugs:bunny:

 

How did you know I like to write?!

I am back at it, slightly, after years with empty pages.

Maybe it was the vague reference I made to "Darkness visible" by Styron!

 

w.e.--I think you're right. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man (or woman!) healthy, wealthy, and wise--B. Franklin.

 

Heartbrokensj--I do have my old yoga book out...haven't done a single move in it yet. It's been years. All these things I want to revisit!

 

2Sunny--Jigsaw puzzles are a completely mindless waste of time that I have often enjoyed.

 

Fooser--I wish you the best, you can beat it!

 

Nobby--You sound like great fun. Too bad I can't swim over for one of your parties.

Hey! I loved Lowly Worm as a kid, even had him in stuffed animal form! Richard Scary books were the best! Kept mine for my daughter, and I have them still to do this day, for my grandkids if I ever get any! Funny you named your ex Lowly!

 

LittleTiger--I don't remember being lonely before I was married either. Then something just struck me a few minutes ago---something so incredibly obvious---how in the world did I miss it---I have never lived alone before! This is the first time in my life!

 

Zen-Warrior--great ideas. I'm going to address your post separate since it is so long!

 

And somebody tell me how to copy and paste from several posts, because I usually have to reply to each one separately since I don't know how people do that on here!

[cavedweller]

How did you know I like to write?!

I am back at it, slightly, after years with empty pages.

Maybe it was the vague reference I made to "Darkness visible" by Styron!

 

w.e.--I think you're right. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man (or woman!) healthy, wealthy, and wise--B. Franklin.

 

Heartbrokensj--I do have my old yoga book out...haven't done a single move in it yet. It's been years. All these things I want to revisit!

 

2Sunny--Jigsaw puzzles are a completely mindless waste of time that I have often enjoyed.

 

Fooser--I wish you the best, you can beat it!

 

Nobby--You sound like great fun. Too bad I can't swim over for one of your parties.

Hey! I loved Lowly Worm as a kid, even had him in stuffed animal form! Richard Scary books were the best! Kept mine for my daughter, and I have them still to do this day, for my grandkids if I ever get any! Funny you named your ex Lowly!

 

LittleTiger--I don't remember being lonely before I was married either. Then something just struck me a few minutes ago---something so incredibly obvious---how in the world did I miss it---I have never lived alone before! This is the first time in my life!

 

Zen-Warrior--great ideas. I'm going to address your post separate since it is so long!

 

And somebody tell me how to copy and paste from several posts, because I usually have to reply to each one separately since I don't know how people do that on here!

Click on the icon at the bottom right..

[2.50 a gallon]

My separation was different from most on this board as I quickly went back into the dating scene. But still there were nights and evenings that I spent alone.

 

I began with the theory that my goal was to find activities that kept my mind busy and not thinking about my XW. Minutes would turn into hours, hours into days, etc.

 

I was already a decent cook, but decided to improve by learning how to cook some gourmet meals. These tend to take longer to prepare (time spent cooking was time not spent thinking about the XW) they were delicious (reward) and once mastered could be used to woo women (double reward)

 

I went back to some of my hobbies.

 

A lady co-worker introduced me to the world of keeping and breeding hard to raise tropical fish. In order to get them to breed I had to take care getting the water condtions right. Fry had to be kept in separate containers, and I needed to keep several cultures of small live food for the babies, as flake food was too big for their tiny mouths.

 

For those frustrated adults whose mom never let them keep snakes and lizards here is your chance. Guys keep in mind that there are ladies who are deathly afraid of snakes and would never consider spending the night in a house where there also resided a snake.

 

HB you mention a 20 month old daughter. Have you ever thought os building her a doll house? I know you can buy kits for them and I think put them together with a minimum of tools.

[heartbrokensj]

HB you mention a 20 month old daughter. Have you ever thought os building her a doll house? I know you can buy kits for them and I think put them together with a minimum of tools.

 

Thanks 2.50 gallon, I will definitely looking into your suggestion as she does love dolls and is kinda of a sporty girl, too. I would have never have thought of that!

[2.50 a gallon]

Here's an out of the box idea. Research your ancestors, and I don't mean the geneology of ancestry dot com. I mean their real lives

 

If your great and great grand parents came from a small town there is a good chance that they were mentioned in the local small town newspaper. Beginning in the late 19th century, the small local papers in order to increase circulation began reporting on the activies of the local people in a special column. Some of these columns could take up a whole page.

 

Entries usually were along the line of "The Smiths spent Friday evening with the Johnson's, the women beat the men two games to one." or "Mr. Jones slipped on the ice yesterday and will be laid up for a couple of days"

 

For those who don't know, many of the old newspapers have been microfilmed, and most large libraries are able to borrow most of these films for your study from other libraries and historical societies, through interlibrary loan. The Library of Congress has an immense collection that they loan out.

 

For those who don't know me, my thing is doing historical research.

 

I was the first great grand child of my great grand mother, and was even able to meet her before she passed. I vaguely remember her. But there are photos of her holding me and me standing beside her.

 

By happy happenstance, shortly after I was given a copy of a photo of her as a young woman, (she was a knock out) I was reading the newspaper of a town that was across the state from our old family home, when I noticed my family name. Luckily I have an uncommon family name, so this jumped out at me. Alerted to the name, I suspected that this person was some distant relative. As it turned out it was my great grand father and it was reported that he was sweet on a young lady whose first name matched that of my great grand mother.

 

Later it turns out that she had more than one suitor. Then came the tidbit that my great grandfather was moving across the state with his family to what I knew as our family home town.

 

About a year later came the announcement that the local boys were in the dumps as she had married my great grand father and moved across the state. This was horse and buggy, and steam train days, and I now wonder how he was able win her heart from hundreds of miles away. My only guess is that he must have written some powerful love letters. Who would have guessed a man named Otto would be capable of such prose?

Edited September 12, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

Double entry deleted

Edited September 12, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon

[Steadfast]

I used to feel that way YGG, but I cherish my evenings now. I cook dinner for my kids (or myself) do housework, and stay off the computer until everything else is finished. I have actual work on the computer too, and when that's up I work offline. You can get too caught up in the internet.

 

Moderation.

 

As for bedtime, well...exercise is really the key for that. I've got a throbbing right knee from overdoing it! At some point the heart and the mind come together and allow rest again. Good suggestions here. Get up at 5-30AM enough mornings in a row and you'll be sleepy at bedtime! Promise.

 

It does not hurt to meditate or pray when resting either. Just let it out!

[witabix]

With the light of day my life is ok. I can fill the day easily, keep busy, in fact there's too much to do, not too little.

It is the evenings that I fear. I am sleeping with a night light, something I have never done, and I don't know why.

It's the lonely evenings. I don't know how to fill them.

Coping strategies for the evenings anyone? What do you do to fend off the darkness?

I'm no bar party type. I don't like tv much. I seem to have trouble focusing on fiction, although I have been an avid reader my entire life.

I have 50 dvd's, but they don't appeal to me either, and some I have watched several times over the last few months.

I don't know how to be single in the evenings.

I suppose I could start all my vacuuming and floor washing at 9 p.m. Heh. Maybe I'll try that.

Sitting in front of the computer every evening for too many hours makes my backside sore.

 

Yes the long nights.

 

Find something to take away your mind and the time flows with it. I find studying chess helps a lot. I also have a great big pile of DVD's but don't watch them.

 

It is hard to be single in the evenings alright. Bars are not a great place these days either. I think I will check out some of the suggestions here too as I seem to be in a similar situation.