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Can anyone relate?


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So the other night in my "Hiding from Love" class one of the guys shared his story & it hit me right between the eyes. It was so comforting to know I'm not the only one that thought this way.

 

He grew up where the man made the money, did the work outside, made sure things were working (did repairs) in the house. Mom was the one that took care of kids, housework, & worked part time.

 

When he got married he took care of his wife, bought her things such as a car because she needed a car. Bought her cloths, a house, etc. He was taking care of his wife, doing what the man of the house should do.

 

It wasn't until after the divorce & he started these classes he realized he didn't ask her what she thought, what she would like, what kind of car would she like. Didn't take into consideration her feelings of what she would like. Sure these are nice things & things that she needed but they weren't done as a team.

 

Just like in my relationship I did a lot of that as well. Then the former wife comes up with this; you are being to controlling, you don't let me do anything. Why should I, I know what you want & what you need.

 

That is exactly why I got divorced, same thing. Not working or communication as a team.

 

I used to like to surprise the former wife, I tried that with the new G/F & I realized what I did was set myself up for rejection. So I have learned I would rather share with her & get it out in the open instead of planning everything then have it not go my way & be disappointed.

 

So I was just wondering if there are others on here that might have grown up with those types of thoughts?????

 

I still find myself falling back in those old rolls but I realize it now & can stop myself.......So much to learn, so much to adjust!!!;)

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I can relate prefectly.

 

Years ago, I worked as a waiter in the executive dining room of a large local investment bank. Some of the executives who booked events were consistently more difficult and demanding than others. It seemed to me that the worst offenders were women. At the time, I told myself that must be because they had to fight so much harder to climb the corporate ladder.

 

I now realize this was wrong. Actually, the women were no more likely to be pushy or demanding than the men. The difference was it bothered me much more to be bossed around by the women. With the men, I sort of expected it. With the women, I resented it.

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hello.....well its nobby again!

 

the reason i speak on this is because left alone im just a bloke:p

 

i can change a head gasket on a car, mow and stim all day long 7 hour solid i can unblock a sink, flush the drains if blocked , i can plaster and bricklay too.

 

i know it undermines a chap. I do try to be a girl and allow a man to be a Man.:eek:

 

but I have a close relationship with my dad, to be with him I followed and learnt by example. My dad.

 

hell yes, i get the whole man/woman role. if it was an ideal world......wouldnt it be good to work together as a couple?? no its not mine/ its not hers its ours,,,,,,,,

 

but the old values run deep. my mum is a home maker,my dad does the other stuff

 

Next generation on........i can do most of it alone......had to.

 

 

as i have mentioned.........note to self......be a Girl!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

hahah

 

nobbyxxxxxx

.

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We need to work together, but at the time it didn't even click for me.

 

I feel the more important thing is getting your spouse involved with what is going on & that doesn't matter which side you are on, the man or the woman.

 

Don't think you know what they like & don't like. Doesn't mean you can't surprise them once in a while with something special.

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yes yes.

 

communication and not being to overbearing,,,,,,,,,both sides. laugh at what one can do and share it........if they want you too! we all have stuff we can do and like doing, be it cleaning,cooking, gardening, cars ect

 

it just takes a "thank you" now and again when you each do stuff the other cant do or doesnt like.

 

well that all i wanted and gave

 

was I wrong?

hmm

question now!

 

soz nobby xxxxxxxx

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2.50 a gallon

PWSX3

 

My story is similar, but with a twist, the original argument was whether we should spend nearly $500 each, to take a self help training class, similar to BEAT in the movies "Semi Tough" with Burt Reynolds.

 

That was only the introductory class, to be followed by 3 intermediate and several more advanced, each costing even more.

 

Let's see, we just got married, we are a few thousand in debt, we want to buy a house, and start a family as soon as possible. And still you think we should immediately spend close to 10 grand each for a stupid cult?

 

As to a surprise, I was thinking along the lines of surprising her with us taking a vaction across the country to visit her dad, whom she hadn't seen in several years and meeting my new father in law.

 

So, yes I was accused of being controlling.

 

Also, when she talked about taking off for the weekend by herself with her new BEAT friends, mostly male, I put my foot down and said no way.

 

I guess I was controlling.

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Well that door swings both ways and its a "damned if I do" and "damned if I don't.

 

This holds true with a lot of women I've meet over the course of the years.

 

If she makes more money than you? You get ~ "I hate this ****! Why don't you be a man and get a real job, and make some real money!"

 

If you make more money than her? You get ~ "I hate this ****! Your not my daddy! You can't tell me where I can go, who I can do what I want with? You can't tell me what I can and can't buy!"

 

If you try to help out around the house? They get PO because your not doing it the way they would, or you didn't position her ceramic unicorn, dolphin, owl (fill in tha' blank) just right in the curio when you dusted. (I actually got a lesson in "Proper towel folding 101" I mean all the way from bath clothes, through kitchen towels all the way up to bath towels!)

 

Towels and women confuse me anyway. You got your "Just for show" towels, Just for guest towels, and the towels you get to use?

 

Household paper and women confuse me? When I was married? We had three kinds of paper in the house. Toilet paper, paper towels, and tissue paper.

 

We had tissue paper in the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom ~ hell we even had to buy fancy boxes to put the boxes of tissue paper in?

 

Not that I'm free and single again? There's two kinds of paper in the house!

 

Toilet Paper and paper towels. You run out of one? Substitute the other.

 

Men and women are just different from one another! That's just a fact.

 

Men should be men, and women should be women ~ and we just need to accept that and move on.

 

Bath time is an example.

 

Women get ready to take a bath? They go in the bedroom, close the door take off their clothes, slip into their bathrobes to go into the bathroom, run a tub of water with bath oils, soaps, surrounded by burning aromatic candles. They shave their legs, exfoliate their skin, dry off with 2000 thread count Egyptian cotton towels, use body lotion, moisturizer, anti-wrinkle cream ~ yada, yada, yada.

 

Men? They go into the bedroom take off their clothes, throw them on the floor, run across the hallway to the bathroom pausing momentarily in the hallway trying to catch the wife's attention while butt naked yelling, "Woohoo!" and doing a hula dance.

 

They get in the shower lather up, rinse off, get out of the shower dripping wet, run back across the hallway (again with the hula dance and whooohooo while butt naked) to get the towel they left in the bedroom. Leaving a trail of water in their wake.

 

Men are men, and women are women.

 

Women should not expect men to be any less than men.

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Present Relationship

 

We are not married, so no joint accounts, we own our own place jointly, we each pay half of the bills. With most of the bills, I pay them from my checking account and she pays me half.

 

She is in charge of interior details. Me, I am basically a life time bachelor, so what do I know about decorating? The height of my interior decorating was a tasteful large nude photo, a red BAR light on a shelf in the bar and a lighted Hams beer sign in the living room.

 

To her credit, family photos, butterfly towels in the bathroom, (only for looking at) and other similar touches, have transformed the place into a home. And I like it.

 

When it comes to improvements or changes, furniture, appliances, decorations, these are mostly her ideas, and sometimes we do discuss them. On occasion she will differ to me and ask me my opinion. Almost always my reply it "It's your money, and your house, if you want it, you buy it."

 

There was one exception, when my opinion differed from hers. But she was determined and kept shopping for it. Until one day she bought it, and we had to have it installed. Immediately after it was installed, she asked if I liked it. I tried to soft peddle around it, but in the end the answer was no, but I can live with it. She was a little upset for about a week and she decided we should take it out. At that time our opinions did a 180, she insisted we should take it out, and I insisted we keep it.

 

My thoughts, was this could go into her book of bad, and she could use it against me some day, and say "You have control issues."

 

It is just one of the things that I learned from my failed marriage that I utilize in this relationship

Edited by 2.50 a gallon
missing word
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OP, again, it's about compatibility. With a compatible woman, you could have done all the same things and communicated in exactly the same way and she would've understood, appreciated and valued your style of love and commitment.

 

I had the exact opposite problem. I wanted the team member; the equal. I wanted to communicate, to get input, to find mutual solutions and to respect stbx's POV. I wanted a different kind of sharing than my parents had, which was far more traditional but worked well for them for a lifetime. Unfortunately, our styles turned out to be incompatible, and it really didn't show until confronted with crisis. They say crisis welds a marriage together or blows it apart. We got the explosives...

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Directed at 2.5 (henceforth in my posts in reference to you ~ "Tha' G Man")

 

My idea of decorating is all the stuff that accumlated through the twenty years I served in tha' Corps. I'm still thinking about making a chair out of olive drave sandbags like in the movie "Platoon" :p (Beating chest!) I did manage to confine it to just one room.

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2.50 a gallon

Nob Magnet

 

Did you ever go to school in the US? The reason I ask, was when I was in the 5th grade, a new kid showed up at our school. She was a 4th grader, she out boyed all of us boys, climbed the heightest in the tree etc. She also beat up all of the boys in her class, my class and most of the boys in the 6th grade. I forgot to add, she was smaller than all of us. She wanted so badly to hang with us boys, but we were terrified of her.

 

I moved away the following year, and have wondered if she ever found a man, man enough for her.

 

Actually she was a cute little thing, and that was a mighty high compliment coming from a 5th grade boy

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Gunny

 

In case you are interested, I found a set of electric bongos in the local Goodwill. They are still there, as I differed to my GF

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Men? They go into the bedroom take off their clothes, throw them on the floor, run across the hallway to the bathroom pausing momentarily in the hallway trying to catch the wife's attention while butt naked yelling, "Woohoo!" and doing a hula dance.

 

They get in the shower lather up, rinse off, get out of the shower dripping wet, run back across the hallway (again with the hula dance and whooohooo while butt naked) to get the towel they left in the bedroom. Leaving a trail of water in their wake. Men are men, and women are women.

 

Women should not expect men to be any less than men.

 

LOL!! Ok, if there is only one thing that I miss the most.....yeah, it's that one...can be mad as h*ll....but that one difference is just so d*mn cute...can't stay mad for long. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

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2.5

 

That was me!! I could run faster jump higher but I wasnt small. Boys are straight talking I found the Girls were bitchy (especcially the netball players)

 

and as you can see .........im on LS so, no, I havent found a man MAN enough yet!!:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Nobby AKA SHEEERAAAAA

 

:laugh::laugh:

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At that time our opinions did a 180, she insisted we should take it out, and I insisted we keep it.

 

My thoughts, was this could go into her book of bad, and she could use it against me some day, and say "You have control issues."

 

 

It still went in the book, just not as many sad faces next to it.

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