want to separate from husband, he does not.

[baba]

hi all

three weeks ago i asked my husband to leave for a few days while i had some time alone because i dont love him anymore. i dont think i ever loved him really i tried to, but didnt. we have 4 children 2 from my previous relationship and 2 are his. anyway he left but only for 11 days. then he returned in the night while all were asleep (i hadnt the heart to ask for his key) and in the morning the children found him on the couch. he asked the children if he could come home and the older two said yes out of guilt. other reasons i had asked him to leave were him hitting and verbally abusing the 2 chidren from my first relationship and just a communication breakdown between us. he is so hard to live with whenever i try to talk to him he gets defensive, aggressive and blames everybody else but himself even when he is in the wrong and its proven to him. Also he tells all our private buisness to his family members who cannot be trusted so then they ring me up and scream at me on the phone just because i tell him not to hit shout and swear at the kids. anyway he decided to come back to the family home and took us all out even though i didnt want to go. he stopped hitting and abusing the children and verbally abusing them but he is still impossible to talk to or to live with and i am so unhappy. i decided that since he wouldnt go, i would have to so i calmly explained to him that i was gonna find a new home for me and the children. He flew off the handle and started going on about how i just dont want him, so i explained that i had wanted to take things slowly and him just moving straight back in was making me want him less. i am not seeing anybody else i am just sick of living this way. I need time to get my children into a safe new routine and life. we have been to one counselling session where the counsellor also found him defensive she had to keep reassuring him that she was not attacking him. Anyway he grabbed all his things and moved out (staying with a friend) while slamming doors and giving me dirty looks. i am all prepared to still do counselling just as separated people and take things slowly but he cant accept it. i now feel incredibly guilty and am beating myself up thinking maybe i shouldnt have mentioned that i was gonna find a house and just done it secretly instead. i feel so guilty any advice?

[ann09]

I was all prepared to jump in and tell you I am in the same situation but I am not. Your situation is vastly different than mine. The hitting and swearing at kids - it all sounds much too horrible for them. I guess I would consider myself lucky then to be in my situation where I am not in love with my husband - but have nothing like you to point my finger at. Not in this sense anyway.

I think counseling would be for the best. There are 4 children involved and you need to think about them first. The both of you do.

 

Not sure who the hell i am to be giving advice though. Best of luck to you.