boris Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 My wife has been threatening divorce for the last few years, telling me that she hates where we live and doesn't respect me or my job, (I work for the family business) and had to move to Canada in order to do so. When we met and married we were in colorado where I managed some family affairs that have since been sold off which required the move. Our kids are 2 and 10 months. Now she screams and cries all the time, and last night started throwing things at me right in front of the kids, all the while they are crying...She asked me to leave again, and finally I have agreed. Now what? I am staying with my folks right now, I left the kids there...I am so scared of losing them, we have only been in Canada since May and now she wants to take them to Georgia to live with her parents. She is just so angry and spiteful, I can barely talk to her...she resents my family, me...can I keep the kids somehow? Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hey Boris...sorry man...that sounds like a really difficult situation...I can only imagine. You need to get yourself a good attorney my friend. It looks like the two of you are not going to agree on living in one place...so their is going to be a custody battle. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. If she moves...what are you willing to do? Would you let the kids go and be a long distance dad? Would you be ok having them full time and having her be the long distance parent? What would be best for the kids? Would you consider moving? I would also consider getting a therapist. Maybe one that can help you and your wife to really see what would be best for the children in a situation like this. There are no easy answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boris Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Now she says that I can't just visit the kids anytime that I want at OUR house, she says that I must contact her first so that she is prepared. What if she just avoids my calls? I don't even want to speak with her anymore, she yells and screams like a lunatic. How could she be so angry? How can I keep things civilized. Why is she so mad, when she is the one that has been attacking me? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Now she says that I can't just visit the kids anytime that I want at OUR house, she says that I must contact her first so that she is prepared. What if she just avoids my calls? I don't even want to speak with her anymore, she yells and screams like a lunatic. How could she be so angry? How can I keep things civilized. Why is she so mad, when she is the one that has been attacking me? Like DI said, you need to get a lawyer, pronto. She has no legal right to dictate when you can and can't come to the house. I suggest you make a reasonable attempt to work with her, but if that doesn't work out then go when you want. But bring a witness: a friend or family member. It's possible she might cook up an abuse story in order to get a restraining order against you. Protect yourself in every possible way, and that includes financially. If you haven't separated bank accounts and cancelled any joint credit cards, do so now. Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 (edited) Now she says that I can't just visit the kids anytime that I want at OUR house, she says that I must contact her first so that she is prepared. What if she just avoids my calls? I don't even want to speak with her anymore, she yells and screams like a lunatic. How could she be so angry? How can I keep things civilized. Why is she so mad, when she is the one that has been attacking me? I am speculating here, but from reading the boards, the bolded parts pop out. She might be seeing someone, and that someone is coming to your house, a new friend, and more than a friend that is a male. She does not want you to find her in a compromising position, that's why you must call ahead of coming. She screams and yells and is mad because she is trying to rationalize her actions and the guilt is eating her up inside. You best start digging, something, someone is cooking in the background. Edited October 23, 2009 by SRV Link to post Share on other sites
Author boris Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 So I phoned to talk to the boys, or talk at them really just so that they hear my voice, (they are only 10 months and 2 years) and she rudely said that i didn't need to check in anymore because we are separated, and that the boys were both sleeping. Short, not sweet and cold. wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boris Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 So I have been out of the house for a couple of days now, she won't answer the phone when I try to talk to my boys, she says that I can visit them if they happen to be there, and then she takes them out of the house for the whole day, and she says that if I try to take them, as I asked if I could see them for the day either today or tomorrow, she said she would call the police. I miss my boys. I am so afraid of losing them. What if she takes off before we can get the lawyer to get any court orders done up here? Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 So I have been out of the house for a couple of days now, she won't answer the phone when I try to talk to my boys, she says that I can visit them if they happen to be there, and then she takes them out of the house for the whole day, and she says that if I try to take them, as I asked if I could see them for the day either today or tomorrow, she said she would call the police. I miss my boys. I am so afraid of losing them. What if she takes off before we can get the lawyer to get any court orders done up here? This is not a good situation. She is really acting out of sort here. Are there pieces missing to this story? Why is she so upset? You have every right to go over there and see your boys. I would, as others recommended, bring along someone as a witness...but she has no right to keep them from you. Get that legal counsel....NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boris Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 i don't know of anything that has happened more than what i have said, except for i have finally stood up for myself. i guess i have been a bit of a wimp for the last few years, but only because i thought that when she started screaming or yelling, if i just gave in it would at least make it stop, particularly in front of the kids. my family have all told me that i seem like a different person, timid and scared all the time, and i suppose i am realizing this to be true. i should have been tougher and stronger a long time ago, now things just seem out of control. i can't even say my kids' names to anyone without crying, i can't even believe that this is me. i'm a wreck. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Legally, leaving can be construed as desertion. If necessary use the police to get into your own home. If she doesn't like it, she can leave -but she may not take away the children from their legal residence. If she leave she may also be considered a deserter. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 i don't know of anything that has happened more than what i have said, except for i have finally stood up for myself. i guess i have been a bit of a wimp for the last few years, but only because i thought that when she started screaming or yelling, if i just gave in it would at least make it stop, particularly in front of the kids. my family have all told me that i seem like a different person, timid and scared all the time, and i suppose i am realizing this to be true. i should have been tougher and stronger a long time ago, now things just seem out of control. i can't even say my kids' names to anyone without crying, i can't even believe that this is me. i'm a wreck. Sorry for you pain my brother. I am sure that you are overwhelmed your life has been turned upside down and you are afraid of losing yout family. It seems that you have a supportive family. Lean on them. Also, in addition to the attorney a therapist may be very helpful to you. You can sort out your emotions and eventually work on your passive conflict style. However...now is not the time to passive when it comes to your children. Take action. Be supported...but take action. I'll have you in my thoughts my brother. Link to post Share on other sites
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