Jump to content

My wife "needs" to have sex with other men


Recommended Posts

Hi there,

 

Since a couple of weeks, my wife and I have broken up. We do live together and we are friends but she doesn't want a relationship anymore. We do not spend a lot of time together since we both work or follow lessons in the evenings but when we're together it's quite ok.

 

Problems started when she met another guy which was much more stimulating at that time and she began dating him, althought I don't think they have a relationship. I cleaned up my act and our life is much more exciting now, but she still insists that we have to separate.

 

The season she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it.

 

I have a hard time dealing with this because I have the feeling some psychological factor causes this behaviour. But I'm not sure it's a lack of confidence, or a lack of freedom in the relationship, or something else.

 

Someone with ideas abut this?

 

Thanks in advance, guys!

Link to post
Share on other sites

She just wants her cake & eat it too.......

 

Have you around to pay the bills & still feel like she is connected to someone & then play like she was a teenager again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

that's a unique way of saying I "i wanna be a ho". best thing you could do is hand her her bags and don't let the door hit you on the way out. she's just using you for a place to stay.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds good to me, actually. I'd halve the bills, keep her around to do the cleaning, and once in a while bring women around (maybe she can join in?).

 

After a while though, I think it was too much stress, so I'd recommend leaving her.

 

If there's too many emotions involved, I recommend going right to leaving her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi there,

 

Since a couple of weeks, my wife and I have broken up. We do live together and we are friends but she doesn't want a relationship anymore. We do not spend a lot of time together since we both work or follow lessons in the evenings but when we're together it's quite ok.

 

Problems started when she met another guy which was much more stimulating at that time and she began dating him, althought I don't think they have a relationship. I cleaned up my act and our life is much more exciting now, but she still insists that we have to separate.

 

The season she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it.

 

I have a hard time dealing with this because I have the feeling some psychological factor causes this behaviour. But I'm not sure it's a lack of confidence, or a lack of freedom in the relationship, or something else.

 

Someone with ideas abut this?

 

Thanks in advance, guys!

 

At least she's honest about it.. she told you she wants sex with other men.. a lot of people don't say a word and just go out there and get it..

 

The strange part is her 'sex mission' ... :o

Link to post
Share on other sites
GorillaTheater

Your wife doesn't want a relationship with you any more? Wants to screw other men? You're probably dealing with a mix of confusion, fear, anger, shame, and every other volatile emotion right now.

 

Taking action is a pretty good way of cutting through the emotional static, though. I think the best action at this point is serving her with dicorce papers, asking her to leave, and cutting off all financial support (including seperating any accounts and canceling joint credit cards).

 

Do you two have any kids?

Link to post
Share on other sites

How long after she agreed to getting married and being monogamous did this "need" become apparent? Did she ever NOT "need" to sleep with other men? Prior to getting married, was there ever a discussion about her "needs" concerning monogamy? Does she "need" you to sleep with others too or does she "need" you to remain monogamous?

 

Does she have any history of illegal drug use? Are there medications she is suppose to be taking that she might have stopped taking?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
How long after she agreed to getting married and being monogamous did this "need" become apparent? Did she ever NOT "need" to sleep with other men? Prior to getting married, was there ever a discussion about her "needs" concerning monogamy? Does she "need" you to sleep with others too or does she "need" you to remain monogamous?

 

Does she have any history of illegal drug use? Are there medications she is suppose to be taking that she might have stopped taking?

 

Hi. This "need" became apparent after 4 years being together and being married 6 months. There were never discussions about this before. Now, she indeed thinks I should date other women too, to get over the "exclusivity part".

 

One strange thing though: the first years we had sex like once or twice a week but the last year, we had sex every night and it was great. However, about a week ago, she said it was totally over and we don't sleep together. This is quite confusing off course. I don't think she's sleeping with someone though..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Your wife doesn't want a relationship with you any more? Wants to screw other men? You're probably dealing with a mix of confusion, fear, anger, shame, and every other volatile emotion right now.

 

Taking action is a pretty good way of cutting through the emotional static, though. I think the best action at this point is serving her with dicorce papers, asking her to leave, and cutting off all financial support (including seperating any accounts and canceling joint credit cards).

 

Do you two have any kids?

 

Yeah, we have two kids (one from a former marriage of her). I considered your proposal but I'm afraid this will drive her in the arms of someone else.

 

Right now, I'm acting happy and going out with other women. However, I wonder whether she's getting nervous 'cause I date other women or for the lack of drama..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
At least she's honest about it.. she told you she wants sex with other men.. a lot of people don't say a word and just go out there and get it..

 

The strange part is her 'sex mission' ... :o

 

Indeed, I have no idea what it means. Does she really believe it or is it an easy way to hide the real reason (there's not much to say to a divine mission, is there?).. :sick:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to ask again about drug history and possible medications she might have stopped taking based on the following part of the OP:

 

"she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it."

 

Mental issues?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Indeed, I have no idea what it means. Does she really believe it or is it an easy way to hide the real reason (there's not much to say to a divine mission, is there?).. :sick:

 

If she truly believes that she's on some kind of divine mission.. then I would call a shrink.. she needs one.. asap...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm going to ask again about drug history and possible medications she might have stopped taking based on the following part of the OP:

 

"she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it."

 

Mental issues?

 

Fifteen years ago she has been in a hospital for psychosis. She didn't take any drugs since then and I did not have the impression she acted strange. She has her own business and runs the family, so she's not really unstable. At least not in those areas. I assume you would see strange things happen on all aspects of life if someone sinks in a psychosis?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Fifteen years ago she has been in a hospital for psychosis. She didn't take any drugs since then and I did not have the impression she acted strange. She has her own business and runs the family, so she's not really unstable. At least not in those areas. I assume you would see strange things happen on all aspects of life if someone sinks in a psychosis?

 

BTW, if you suspect it's a symptom of mental illness, how would you cope with it? I've been thinking to influence her till she goes to her (former) shrink but it's not going to be easy to convince her, given her past..

Link to post
Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda

If it's not mental illness what do you call it???

 

Mid life crisis, NPD?? I mean dude her issues eclipses alot of things, and I think you'd be better off? What's next her having an affair and getting preggo with someone else's baby???

 

And making YOU pay for it???

 

Dude there's nothing worse than that...

 

File for divorce before you end up more hurt.

Link to post
Share on other sites
GorillaTheater
Yeah, we have two kids (one from a former marriage of her). I considered your proposal but I'm afraid this will drive her in the arms of someone else.

 

Right now, I'm acting happy and going out with other women. However, I wonder whether she's getting nervous 'cause I date other women or for the lack of drama..

 

Okay, not only does she not want a relationship with you/wants to screw other men, but both of you are dating?? And you're worried about driving her into the arms of another man?

 

C'mon ...

 

I have a hard time seeing much of a change in the status quo if you took my advice, but at least you'd be protecting yourself regardless of which turn your marriage takes in the future. And it just might wake her ass up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BTW, if you suspect it's a symptom of mental illness, how would you cope with it? I've been thinking to influence her till she goes to her (former) shrink but it's not going to be easy to convince her, given her past..

 

I probably wouldn't deal with it very well, but I think I'd hold off on the dating till I sorted it all out. The important thing (since you have kids together getting effected by this) is probably getting her in to see that shrink rather than finding dates to go on.

 

Since she has had mental issues in the past, that should be cleared first. Also, even if her head checks out okay, it doesn't mean what she claims to "need" is a valid change to you and the kids' lives.

 

I guess the only other thing I'm left wondering about is, if this is a big enough problem for you to post about it and ask for advise, then it sounds like it hurts you on some level and you don't feel her actions to be good ones. And if her actions hurt you and you don't agree with them, why are you going out on dates when you haven't found out if her psychosis has come back yet?

Why act like her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I probably wouldn't deal with it very well, but I think I'd hold off on the dating till I sorted it all out. The important thing (since you have kids together getting effected by this) is probably getting her in to see that shrink rather than finding dates to go on.

 

Since she has had mental issues in the past, that should be cleared first. Also, even if her head checks out okay, it doesn't mean what she claims to "need" is a valid change to you and the kids' lives.

 

I guess the only other thing I'm left wondering about is, if this is a big enough problem for you to post about it and ask for advise, then it sounds like it hurts you on some level and you don't feel her actions to be good ones. And if her actions hurt you and you don't agree with them, why are you going out on dates when you haven't found out if her psychosis has come back yet?

Why act like her?

 

I don't know. I guess I hoped to make her jealous by dating other girls. Off course it hurts a lot, she's the woman of my life and I'm willing to play every game to her back.. And i thought it was a way to show that I was strong ("Other girls want me too, you know")..

 

You make it sound like a very bad idea indeed.. :confused:

 

Thanks for that..

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't know. I guess I hoped to make her jealous by dating other girls. Off course it hurts a lot, she's the woman of my life and I'm willing to play every game to her back.. And i thought it was a way to show that I was strong ("Other girls want me too, you know")..

 

You make it sound like a very bad idea indeed.. :confused:

 

Thanks for that..

 

I'm not just trying to bust your chops man. I just hope someone can stay stable for the kids.......she certainly doesn't sound like she can do the job right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...