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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 28th September 2009, 7:13 AM   #1
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Here it goes again...

Ok. I posted a few months back but kinda dropped off because I thought things were working out. I will give a complete story.

My wife and I have been together for seven years and married nearly five. I know I have changed since we have been married. I think the change occured about two years in when I lost my father and my job in a matter of a few days.

Back in May my wife brought it to my attention that we had some issues. She said we need to work on things and possibly take a trial separation. I was blown away because I thought things were going great. I was shocked that she brought up the trial separation right out of the box. We had a long talk and agreed to work on things. She said she had alot of past resentment against me. She was over some of the actions but still had the resentment. I then suprised her with a three day mini vacation to the beach. We had fun and spent alot of quality time together. I thought things were getting better.

A month or so later she brings up the issues again. This time she said she was not sure if she wanted to be married. She was talking about being on her own and just being alone. Then we found out we were pregnant. We have been trying for years. We found out on one day and the next day she miscarried. We went through the greiving process as best we could. She then felt really bad about wanting to leave. She thought it might have been the hormones of being pregnant.

Last week she talk to me again about leaving. I ended up getting the "I love you but I am not in love with you" speech. I admit I was selfish and told her she needs to go if she is having feelings again. This is the third time she has brought this up. I have been a wreck. Well last night she packed up a few things and went to her parents.

I have been up all night crying, praying, and thinking about what I done wrong. I really want to call her but I know she needs her space. She even mentioned talking to a lawyer this week. I am an emotional mess right now. She does not want to see any MC. I can't get her to work on anything. I am madly in love with her. I don't know what to do. Should I call her to talk her out of seeing a lawyer? Should I leave her alone?

I have a slight feeling she is having an EA. She spends alot of time playing computer games with other players. I mentioned that all this started surfacing when we both started playing these online games. I have since quit. She said she has had the feelings long before.

What should I do next?
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Old 28th September 2009, 8:50 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 11bgentleman View Post

I have a slight feeling she is having an EA. She spends alot of time playing computer games with other players. I mentioned that all this started surfacing when we both started playing these online games. I have since quit. She said she has had the feelings long before.

What should I do next?
This may well be true that she is having an EA. "I love you but am not in love with you" is a classic statement made by those in an affair. This condition IS her fault.

The second sentiment is a usual one made when everything seems to be OK but is not. Possibly your EN (emotional needs) have been met, but hers has not.

Please read the "five language of love" and snoop on her. Put a keylogger on her PC. Tell her that you regret telling her to beat it. Tell her that you are willing to fight for her and why.

Read the "articles" at Marriage Builders site and call us right back!
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Old 28th September 2009, 10:25 AM   #3
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"ILYBNILWU"= OM. Time to go into invesitgative mode. You need to know because the approach with her will be different if she's having an A, as opposed to say, she just needs to find herself.
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Old 28th September 2009, 4:25 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by imagine View Post
This may well be true that she is having an EA. "I love you but am not in love with you" is a classic statement made by those in an affair. This condition IS her fault.

The second sentiment is a usual one made when everything seems to be OK but is not. Possibly your EN (emotional needs) have been met, but hers has not.

Please read the "five language of love" and snoop on her. Put a keylogger on her PC. Tell her that you regret telling her to beat it. Tell her that you are willing to fight for her and why.

Read the "articles" at Marriage Builders site and call us right back!
I have already read the "five languages of love" It has some good info. I have recently attempted to use it but she has pushed back.

I could not make it into work this am. I didn't sleep at all. I was standing outside this am when she pulled up. She also couldn't sleep because her parents have her sleeping on the floor. She said she came home just to sleep before she goes back to work.

I was able to do some digging and find that she is talking to someone. I am not sure how deep it is. It may just me hiding the truth. She admitted talking to someone she met on the game. She is not admitting all the details because she doesnt know that I know more. I caught her in a lie. Yesterday I asked her how much it would cost to fly to see him. She said she didn't know. Today while talking she said she knew a round and about price. I also found some written notes about connecting flights. He lives on the other side of the world.

With this lie, I am planning to go NC. I know it will be tough. I think it is something I have to do.
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