Karmababe Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I left my husband 5 months ago. He had mental health issues and as I told his therapist - I could not go down with the ship. We have 3 kids - all out of the house and were married for 26 years. I spoke with him the other day for the first time in 2 months. He says he still loves me and wants me back - that he now realizes that I'm an independent and capable woman in my own right. He wants me to go to counseling with him - yet, I see now that he is who he is. I was a terrific wife - educated, loving and giving - perhaps, too giving and patient. I found that there was always a reason he could cook up to not find hope, joy in life - the goals (after a marital life of raising kids) were nonexistent. I want to travel, he is too afraid. I wanted to move - he does not. The constant anxiety of living with him and his fearfulness were overwhelming. I thought I've given completely, done everything a good wife and mother should do as society demands - and now this was supposed to be our time. I feel disappointed, discouraged and lonely. Is it time to cut if off, will there ever be another man in my life? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Yes, of course. In fact, what's now stopping you having more than one? Habit I guess.... Conditioning.... I don't mean 'sleep around'....I just mean that the only thing inhibiting you from letting go and finding out - is that you're still of a mindset that it both feels and would be wrong.... inappropriate.... premature..... So really, it's way too early to be thinking of another man.... because you're not over this one - and even though you know it's really for the best for you, to turn away, the 'habit' and convenience of having someone there, is a hard one to get used to no longer having... In answer to your Thread title/question, at the risk of sounding overly simplistic - for as long as you let it. And for a while, you have to let it. Because it's part of the natural process of detaching and getting used to living differently. It's like mourning, isn't it? But at one point, something within you will whisper, "ok, move on now... haven't you hurt for long enough?" When that 'point' arrives, will be up to you. And unbelievable as it may sound, dropping the pain and healing, is a choice. No, really, it is. Things can only damage us if we let them..... pain and hurt are one thing. perpetuating them beyond the point of it being 'healthy' - is quite another..... With metta, TM. _/l\_ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karmababe Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 Thanks Tara ... I'll keep allowing the feelings to do what they do ... I know it's natural and healthy to just allow myself to feel it. Gotta do that .. it's like mourning a death or something while the other person is living. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
OnceTrueLove Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 This post is eerily similar to my situation in a different time period. I have been married for 4 and loving for 9 years to the same woman. She has a tainted past and I feel like I invest every cent of energy into our relationship to the best of my god given ability. And it's still not enough. From a male perspective - I ask myself if there will be anyone else out there to accept me for what I do and who I am. Realizing that we are not to that point as of yet - but the thoughts are all to real for me to ignore. I am scared - totally freaked out - but I type and I get out - and I distract. Maybe this relationship requires more than I have in me as a person. Is it enough for someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karmababe Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Well, I've been out of the house for 8 months now. Found an apartment and I'm proceeding with a divorce. Still have that same sense of loss at times, but the kids are fine - I'm free and that feels wonderful. Many many more good days than bad .. I am suing him for divorce on grounds - and had to rehash much of the stuff that went on in the waning months of the marriage. That was difficult, but also a reminder of why I left. Tara, I think you're right about allowing yourself to move on. I have other men interested in me at this point - and they seem healthy and lovely. I'm taking it real slow with any emotional attachments for a bit. Very strange story, an old friend from high school found me on facebook. He lives in Saudi Arabia - where his work is. He has been calling me and says he's been looking for me for 20 years .. wants me to move over there etc. - He will be coming here in a couple of weeks ... this ought to be interesting! I love LS - really - even if I don't post I love coming here to feel supported. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
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