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Hurt and Alone


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 7th March 2003, 6:50 PM   #1
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Hurt and Alone

I have been married for 7 years and together for 9. We have two beautiful daughters and I thought a pretty good marriage. My wife recently told me that she was not feeling it anymore and wanted to seperate. Needless to say I was broken and an emotional mess, I have since looked to improving myself and realising the mistakes I had made. I was determined to win her back and to show her how much I loved and respected her.

Then I found out that she has been having an online affair for the past two months. She told me that she needed to find herself and that he was not important but she has sent him pictures and is planning to go see him in the next two months.

I am at a loss, she does not want me to try and I can do nothing but think about her. My wife and children are the most important people in my life and I feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest since they are not there, I spend a lot of time with my children to make sure they are okay, but without my wife in my life I feel confused and lost.

I am not sure whether I move on with my life, do I fight for her or do I wait until she sees this man and go from there. I do have my pride but my family means more to me. Please advise me and help me close the hole in my heart.
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Old 7th March 2003, 7:20 PM   #2
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The more you annoy your wife with urgings to reconcile, the more you will drive her away. As long as she clearly understands that you don't want a divorce, that's all you can communicate to her.

What you need to do now is craft a separation and divorce that will be in the best interests of you and your children. Frankly, you are much better off without a wife who cheats...online or off. She seems shameless in this activity.

I'm sorry this has happened. If you had been neglecting or mistreating her in some ways that caused her to stray, resolve yourself to improve for your next relationship. These are always learning experiences.

Again, leave her to her own devices. To the extent that you can move on with your life and heal from this is the extend that there could be a possiblity of reconciliation. However, I seriously doubt you will ever be able to trust her again.

While this is tragic and heartbreaking, it's not the end of the world. One day, you will be happy you're rid of a woman who went behind your back and took up with some jerk she's never met. Pretty sick, I'd say. Is that the kind of woman you want around your home for the rest of your life???

Sometime later on, you need to investigate why you thought you had a pretty good marriage when all the while your wife was looking for somebody else. That's kind of spooky to me.
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Old 10th March 2003, 3:45 PM   #3
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Update

I appreciate your views, I have moved out of the house and have my own apartment. I left my wife everything since she will have the children and I want as little disruption in the home as possible. The kids and I spent our first weekend together and it was a lot of fun. I am leaving my wife alone since I believe she has to make her own decisions about life. I did not abuse my wife nor was I a terrible husband, what I did do was to forget the small things in life and to make sure my wife knew that she was the most important thing in my life. I realize it now that she is gone, it was unfortunate it took this to make me see but it does take two people to make a marriage work or destroy it. I also did not go looking outside the marriage for consolation. I am moving on with my life and I will admit it is a little scary and very lonely but I am a strong person and know that I will make it and I will put every piece of my time into my children and to making sure we are happy in our new life.
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Old 10th March 2003, 4:09 PM   #4
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good luck Kabunda,
sounds like you have a good attitude.
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