Filing for Divorce - What to ask for?

[stevenlee]

Hey There,

 

Just for reference here is my other post on the situation

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=191334

 

I've decided to file for divorce and want advice as to what I should go for

 

I've been told that if I go for full custody, I probably wouldn't get it but it is better to seek more than what you want. I want to have him more than I do now which is Friday night to Sunday Night.

 

Then again I have to consider what is best for my son, who is 4. I don't think him going to 2 schools would be a good thing. I could request that our schedules by flip-flopped so I would have him during the week, but then again we are able to spend quality time on Sat and Sun as opposed to the weekdays where I would just spend 3-4 hours with him and we would just be eating dinner, giving him a bath and putting him to bed, maybe a couple hours of playtime a day. Maybe I just want him during the week because I know sub-consciously it will totally screw up my wife's work schedule and also her "having fun weekend time"

 

I would like to have him all the time and have her do the supervised visitation thing because she is on a lot of medication and really shouldn't be driving him around. Can you subpoena medical records in divorce court and do you think it would matter since they are prescription? (She is taking Hydrocodone, Vicodin, 3 different Muscle relaxers and she may still be on Morphine)

 

My wife originally told me that she doesn't want a divorce, but I figured out that she has to wait 3 months before she can file in LA county which would make it inconvenient for me since I live in Orange County. She went to the DMV to change the address on her license and forwarded her mail and I was wondering why she was so quick to do that, but just found out about the waiting period a few days ago.

 

I have made an appointment with a divorce attorney for next wednesday and I will probably be able to work out a deal with him to do a website and search engine marketing (a mutual friend brought it up to me that he needs a site with some marketing and that is what I do)

 

I don't want to get nastier than I have to (I know it will get nasty thought) so I'm hoping for some experienced people to chime in on my situation.

I have heard that the person that files first has an advantage and the person that goes for the most usually gets a good part of what they want (which for me is full custody with supervised visitation at least until she gets help) I really want this to be over with as soon as possible because I know she will not be nice once she is served the papers, but at least it will give her a hard reality check.

 

Please post your thoughts on my situation as your experienced input is VERY much appreciated:)

 

thank you,

Steve

[dunstable]

I've been through something similar. I can't advise on legal strategy but I can give a few tips.

 

 

1. If you want full custody, then prepare a list of good reasons why you should have it and give those reasons confidently when the time comes.
   
2. Don't make any assumptions about what is and is not possible. Be confident.
   
3. In the meantime, make sure to always adhere strictly to the current visitation arrangements -- i.e. don't ever say it's not convenient for you, make sure you always have the child when you can, don't be a "drop out" father.
   
4. Join a parenting group for non-residential fathers. They can often advise you better on the law than your attorney. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!
   
5. If it looks like you won't get the court to agree that the child lives with you, then at least ask to have him in the school vacations as well as at other times as may be agreed.
   

 

In my case, my children were older -- in their early teens. We had joint custody. The negotiated arrangement was that they would live with their mother but I would have them every second weekend and every second Wednesday evening and whenever they wanted to visit in school vacations. My wife was reluctant to agree to that much contact but as time went on after the divorce, she would increasingly send the children to me. She would say for example that she and her new husband were going on a trip and I would have to have them. It ended up they were spending about one-third of their time with me. Eventually, both children decided of their own will to come and live with me. Their mother responded by cutting off all contact with them and I brought them up myself after that. They are now grown up and, sadly, haven't seen, or heard anything from, their mother since that time.