Time Sharing with Child

[Labontesbuc]

I just spent about 2 hours typing the story of my marriage and it logged me out and the post got erased. I'm pissed lol.

 

 

I came here to get the feeling of the empire state building off my shoulders hit Submit and "we're sorry" lol.

 

Short version:

 

Why am I so scared that my soon to be ex-wife wants every other weekend for me to see our son. (Its her son to her, and run if you see a full moon coming up). I am able and capable of watching him every day of the week. She works 2pm-1am. My attorney says she's foolish and that this will never stand because of the hours she works, unless she changes them.

 

So basically she changes jobs and gets new hours am I screwed to every other weekend?

***Edit*** She thinks that our son can sit at her parents while she works while I'm home able and willing, attorney says no way won't happen but I'm still frightened! Is this true?

 

With her night hours I was the one for the past 32 months taking care of our child and feeding him and reading to him and putting him to bed. Yet I'm the father so I won't get anything but every other weekend.

***Edit*** He's nearly 3 now and he's going to be taken out of my life except for a whopping 2/14 days!?!!?!?!?

 

This can't be true! I live in FLA. If anyone out there can help me, I believe in my attorney but this voice in the back of my head has me worrying greatly about the outcome of our parenting plan that she agreed too but backed out on because well she's an idiot and reverses everything back on me and I guess I can't stand up for myself when it comes to this woman.

 

Please help me quit worrying.

[MrMayI]

i'm sorry, but i have nothing to help you quit worrying. i live in the south as well, and as my attorney put it "in the south with divorce, it's a woman's world".

that's why, and while it means nothing to her right now, i had my wife agree in writing that i have primary physical custody of my daughter during the separation. i am also marking each day i have her in blue on a calendar, and red the days she has her. while i'm only 6 days into it, i have had her 4 of those days. i also work 8-5 monday through friday, and she works days sometimes, and nights sometimes. i also make over twice as much as her annually.

while i want to reconcile my marriage, i'm a realist, and i'm going to insure my daughter is with me in the end.

[sally4sara]

I just spent about 2 hours typing the story of my marriage and it logged me out and the post got erased. I'm pissed lol.

 

 

I came here to get the feeling of the empire state building off my shoulders hit Submit and "we're sorry" lol.

 

Short version:

 

Why am I so scared that my soon to be ex-wife wants every other weekend for me to see our son. (Its her son to her, and run if you see a full moon coming up). I am able and capable of watching him every day of the week. She works 2pm-1am. My attorney says she's foolish and that this will never stand because of the hours she works, unless she changes them.

 

So basically she changes jobs and gets new hours am I screwed to every other weekend?

***Edit*** She thinks that our son can sit at her parents while she works while I'm home able and willing, attorney says no way won't happen but I'm still frightened! Is this true?

 

With her night hours I was the one for the past 32 months taking care of our child and feeding him and reading to him and putting him to bed. Yet I'm the father so I won't get anything but every other weekend.

***Edit*** He's nearly 3 now and he's going to be taken out of my life except for a whopping 2/14 days!?!!?!?!?

 

This can't be true! I live in FLA. If anyone out there can help me, I believe in my attorney but this voice in the back of my head has me worrying greatly about the outcome of our parenting plan that she agreed too but backed out on because well she's an idiot and reverses everything back on me and I guess I can't stand up for myself when it comes to this woman.

 

Please help me quit worrying.

 

The hours she works will hurt her chances greatly. It's about who can best fit a stable schedule for the child these days and not just who has the ovaries.

It sounds like you've been the child's primary care giver for a while now. Was this the plan all along or did it fall to you because she took less interest?

If she has displayed a lack of interest in being the go to parent until the issue of custody was being addressed, you can keep reminding yourself of that. Her sudden interest is probably more piss and vinegar than any real intent to be maternal. You know her best - do you believe she really wants to take care of the kid? It doesn't sound like it or you wouldn't have been the one doing it for the past 32 months.

Just don't loose your cool. Let her be the abrasive one while you stay the course. Don't discuss it with her. Tell her nothing about your plans and intentions. You talk to her only about where you meet for getting the kid or where her needs to go and nothing else. I'm serious about this - nothing at all else. You tell your attorney what custody agreement you want and you let them get it there. The rest is just fighting and raised blood pressure.

 

Is he happier with your style of parenting or her's? If he fell down and started crying, who would he run to?

 

It isn't going to be easy but you have to get through it. If you lack confidence in your attorney, speak with another. And you worry about standing up for yourself to her - you won't be standing up for yourself; you stand up for your son. That is how you will find it in you to get through it.

[NopeNah]

The hours she works will hurt her chances greatly. It's about who can best fit a stable schedule for the child these days and not just who has the ovaries.

It sounds like you've been the child's primary care giver for a while now. Was this the plan all along or did it fall to you because she took less interest?

If she has displayed a lack of interest in being the go to parent until the issue of custody was being addressed, you can keep reminding yourself of that. Her sudden interest is probably more piss and vinegar than any real intent to be maternal. You know her best - do you believe she really wants to take care of the kid? It doesn't sound like it or you wouldn't have been the one doing it for the past 32 months.

Just don't loose your cool. Let her be the abrasive one while you stay the course. Don't discuss it with her. Tell her nothing about your plans and intentions. You talk to her only about where you meet for getting the kid or where her needs to go and nothing else. I'm serious about this - nothing at all else. You tell your attorney what custody agreement you want and you let them get it there. The rest is just fighting and raised blood pressure.

 

Is he happier with your style of parenting or her's? If he fell down and started crying, who would he run to?

 

It isn't going to be easy but you have to get through it. If you lack confidence in your attorney, speak with another. And you worry about standing up for yourself to her - you won't be standing up for yourself; you stand up for your son. That is how you will find it in you to get through it.

Thanks for saving my time! This is what you have to do to a "T"!! It's what I did and i've had my girl from 4. Get ALL of your stuff together and go after that kid in court.. Kudos to you for stepping up too!

[buu]

you gotta show that you are a good father and that you want to be an active part of his life. Every other weekend is not good in my opinion and if you want proper visitation or full coustody for your son then FIGHT DIRTY!!! Divorce is not fun and I know how much it hurts to have your son taken out of your life, but please dont let your pain cloud your logic. Has she ever tried anything to keep you away from your son? Make sure the judge knows that. Use every advantage you can and exploit weaknesses.

oh yea

DOC U MENT!!!!!!!

I know it sounds routine but this court system is rather one sided IMO You need as much leverage as possible!!!

I had to do that in order to get proper visitation for my son. Then again my situation may be slightly diffrent than yours. My ex is rather controlling and overposessive of our son and of the marriage.

[Labontesbuc]

So I'm out eating lunch with our son today and I get a phone call from her. She's not even out of bed yet and its 12:30 in the afternoon. She's calling me to ask if she can come pick up our son because what we agreed upon isn't suitable to her any longer and she won't be having it.

 

We agreed upon Tuesday and Wednesday's he'd be with me and every other weekend Friday Saturday and Sunday. It worked out to be exactly 50% of the time. Thats all I've ever asked for, I've only ever wanted to meet in the middle, never take more than my fair share with this case.

 

Now at 12:30 this afternoon calling from her bed she says we're not on this schedule anymore because we "agreed" not to get attorneys. I asked her what an attorney has to do with anything? I got an attorney because you with held our son from me for nearly a month (Yes I have it documented with all the attempts I made to see our son). I got an attorney so I wouldn't be screwed by this witch. The only reason I can see that she wanted to do it this way is so that she could screw me out of everything. And yes, she does show little interest in everything until it pertains to her or she's about to get something out of it.

 

Her motto on her myspace page is "Most of the time I don't think before I act." Well she hit the nail on the head there.

 

So now because I got an attorney (2 months ago) she's all pissed off and is not going to let me see our son except when she determines necessary. I can feel that coming. Right now I have him. I'm going to tell her good bye when she gets here, and keep him a little bit longer. She demands everything but for my son and my sake not on a silver-platter any longer.

 

I tried to be nice during this whole seperation process but anytime I do or say anything nice I always get a "whatever" response.

 

Why do nice people have to put up with such mean people. I was told its a two way street, but with this woman its definitly a one way street with no outlet.

 

About not trusting the attorney, I have full faith in him. Its just that my ex is so mean that why do I have to suffer!!! I got myself into this mess, I'll get out of it. I have to.

 

 

Well time to go play with some cars with my son. Thanks for the feedback! I do feel a bit relieved.

 

P.S. What do I do about her calling me? Do I answer? She calls all the time but never when its close to time to switch over our son. Its always in the middle of my time with him, she never calls when its time to pick him up. She just expects that I'm done and its her "turn," yet in order for me to get to see him I have to call her and tell her that I want to see him or she just goes on with her life like I don't exsist. We agreed on times to see our son, but she isn't sticking to it worth a damn. And when its my time I have to ask her for him. Give me a F-in break!

[buu]

Don’t talk to her. TXT message, chat or email only!! If she calls, tell her “anything you got to say to me can be done via email, chat, or txt message” and hang up. She’s gonna call, don’t pick up. Respond with a text message. Keep asking when you can see your kid. Beg or try and cut deals if possible. Do the best you can for what she allows you. (If she’s keeping the kid)

Keep a digital recorder handy.

Remember..... DOCUMENT AND DO NOT LET EMOTIONS GET INTO PLAY

[sally4sara]

So I'm out eating lunch with our son today and I get a phone call from her. She's not even out of bed yet and its 12:30 in the afternoon. She's calling me to ask if she can come pick up our son because what we agreed upon isn't suitable to her any longer and she won't be having it.

 

We agreed upon Tuesday and Wednesday's he'd be with me and every other weekend Friday Saturday and Sunday. It worked out to be exactly 50% of the time. Thats all I've ever asked for, I've only ever wanted to meet in the middle, never take more than my fair share with this case.

 

Until the court gives the two of you a custody settlement, there is no agreement.

 

P.S. What do I do about her calling me? Do I answer? She calls all the time but never when its close to time to switch over our son. Its always in the middle of my time with him, she never calls when its time to pick him up. She just expects that I'm done and its her "turn," yet in order for me to get to see him I have to call her and tell her that I want to see him or she just goes on with her life like I don't exsist. We agreed on times to see our son, but she isn't sticking to it worth a damn. And when its my time I have to ask her for him. Give me a F-in break!

 

Start doing ALL correspondence via email so meeting times, days, and locations are documented.

If she deviates from what her emails say, you don't have to show up early if she asks at the last minute.

Stop having either of you pick up or drop off your son at your residences. Do it somewhere public and, if possible, bring a friend/witness.

Don't just rely on writing things on a calender; my ex falsified one to show dates as though I never had my son. Luckily I saved all emails and texts. Plus there were tons of photos taken with my friend's camera that time/dated the photos.

If she calls, don't answer. Make her leave a message. You listen and call her back if she has anything that needs addressed immediately. If not, oh well - her problems are not your problems anymore.

Keep receipts.

Get a camcorder. When she calls you to pick up your son early you can pull in the drive, talk in the camera about what is going on and then show your location. That way when she doesn't use "her turns" to watch the boy, she cannot turn around and say she did or you came and forced her to let you have him. Let her think you are film happy and want home movies of your son as he grows. Make her think you're a sappy romantic

"Oh, I want to have as many home movies of us all as a family while I still can blah, blah.." Only you know if shes dumb enough to fall for something or if it will make her suspicious.

Play dumb if it gets more info via email. Your phone suddenly has crap reception ; can she email info instead?

[Labontesbuc]

Until the court gives the two of you a custody settlement, there is no agreement.

 

 

This is the agreement that my lawyer told me that if you want to keep attorneys fees down to try to get an agreement between us so I don't get charged his time doing something that we could agree upon. That is if both partys are willing. Well we did agree on this and now she is backing out of the agreement that my attorney told me to get.

 

Is it in writing no. But we've been practicing it for the past 2 months and now I need to get it in writing. Is a text message good enough?

 

I can't talk to her now because she feels that I violated her by getting an attorney to save my ass from her. Her entire life and marriage she got whatever she wanted. Its time she wakes up to reality, but it just hasn't happened yet.

[sally4sara]

This is the agreement that my lawyer told me that if you want to keep attorneys fees down to try to get an agreement between us so I don't get charged his time doing something that we could agree upon. That is if both partys are willing. Well we did agree on this and now she is backing out of the agreement that my attorney told me to get.

 

Is it in writing no. But we've been practicing it for the past 2 months and now I need to get it in writing. Is a text message good enough?

 

I can't talk to her now because she feels that I violated her by getting an attorney to save my ass from her. Her entire life and marriage she got whatever she wanted. Its time she wakes up to reality, but it just hasn't happened yet.

 

Save all written or typed communications. Minimize arguments, stick to plans. I tell you there is no agreement till the court gives you one to let you know that you don't have to answer the door if she arrives early. Hell, you could even go out of state with him right now and she can do nothing legally about it without a court decree of custody. I wouldn't advise you do something so extreme, because she can do it to you too in retaliation.

You keep all the texts and emails to show the courts how often she causes chaos and disruption in the child's day to day life by changing the agreed times and days.

[Labontesbuc]

UPDATE****

So today our attorneys met and both she and I were present as well. We began the meeting coming to agreements on topics like time sharing, school districts, holidays, doctor/medical bills, then we moved onto child support...

 

I am trying to see my son as much as possible. We had an agreement that I would get Tues./Wed. nights as well as Friday Saturday and Sunday nights. We've been doing this since January as I posted a few months ago. Now she's saying our agreement doesn't include Sunday. Well I had our son last Sunday, and 2 weeks before that and two weeks before that and all the way back since this DIVORCE CRAP started. Anyways, (now keep in mind both attorneys are sitting here, and she's slightly hostile, I tell her to relax after one outburst at me about the time sharing agreement) her reaction to the chart with our financial information and child support payments was "That's It?"

 

OMG I married a gold diggin good for nothing person.

 

I'm fighting to see ours on, she's fighting for money. I'm unemployed have been since January. I made $12 an hour she makes like $10. I now rely on unemployment to pay all of our credit card bills that I have taken from the marriage. She has beeen paying about $120 for healthcare a month through her work and it covers her and our son.

 

But seriously, her response is "That's it?"

 

That really hurt me. She's not concerned for our son, she sees $$ only.

 

Currently our son is staying with me and I can't wait to get home to see him.

 

Posting on here does really make me feel better.

 

Regards,

The one day happy, next 4 depressed, next day happy dad!