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23 and wanting a divorce...


You Live Only Once

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You Live Only Once

heres the story. met a girl at age 20 it was very serious from the get go and my first serious relationship, moved in together after about 6 months. i moved to another city for 6 months, i moved back and we moved in together again. after 2 years of dating i proposed to her, thinking this is what im supposed to do in life right, u grt older u get married buy a house and have kids, its what i always thought was the way.

 

so after 2.5 years of being together we were married, i was 22, im now 23 and we are approaching are 1 year anniversary of marriage ( 3.5 years together) she couldnt be happier and loves me very much. we own a house in the suburbs and recently bought a dog that she likes but i dont.

 

I just feel completely different now, i feel as if i no longer want the suburbia family life anymore.... i feel as if i dont want to have kids anymore, i feel more selfish now? i feel as i want to spend my time doing things that make me happy, i just feel like i want another life.

 

I feel as if i should worry about my own happiness, but then again i dont want to break her heart. i know her mom will kill me when she finds out. i feel really happy when i think of myself single, but then again i feel as if it may be hard because i have no friends in this city.

 

i dont know what to do... has anyone been in a similar situation or anyone have some wisdom to shed on this problem. i could really use some insight

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There's a paperback book about this very subject about how people live thier lives according to the way society, religion, others, family believe they should live their lives?

 

I'm 18 ~ I should do this!

 

I'm 22 ~ I should get married!

 

I'm 33 ~ I should be here by now

 

I've 43 ~ I should have accomplished this by now!

 

 

Ya-da, ya-da!

 

Before you know it? Your fifty ~ and your "I should have done this, I should have done that, I wished I had of done...................

 

You need to come clean with not only her?

 

But yourself!

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Your wife has done nothing wrong! Get some counselling to help you with this and tell her how you are feeling, but you made a commitment and by its very nature, commitment means just that, whatever your age. I know that sounds harsh, but this is life and life is HARD.

 

Talk to your wife and get some therapy. Perhaps you both need to rethink the way you are living your lives together, just because you are married doesn't mean the next step is kids and suburbia. Talk to her, figure it out between you, you still love her right? Perhaps change pace, go travelling together, go clubing, do fun things together, the things you want to do as a single person, but together.

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You Live Only Once

i know shes done nothing wrong, but the thing is most of the time i dont want to do anything for her, if we have sex im literally forcing myself because i just dont want to have sex with her, i can only deny her so much before she starts questioning.

 

i constantly think of myself with other women, but i dont know if that will bring me happiness, i feel almost this curse on me because shes the only woman ive been with.

 

ya we can do those fun things together we travel together which is probably what i would miss most, but i think the fun for guys going out clubbing and stuff is having sex with a random stranger.

 

see life dosent have to be HARD, life dosent have to be filled doing tasks that you don not want to do, having kids and doing everything and sacraficing everything for them, it dosent have to be like that, i can take more schooling and work abroad and stuff like that.

 

only thing is.....

 

im a truly missing out on something great by ditching the blue collar lifestyle in the burbs with kids and all? cause at this moment i dont think so...

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You made a commitment, my friend, and let me be the first to tell you that if you do not try everything, everything, to make it right, you are doing yourself, your wife, and everyone else a disservice. Everyone goes through this phase...it happens, you are not unique.

 

Once you've tried everything and she knows it, too, then you can make up your mind. Don't fall into the grass-is-greener mindset.

 

As for the 'burbs thing...well, you can feel trapped. But there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.

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whichwayisup

You need to talk to her and let her know how you're feeling. Go to counselling, together and apart.. Don't make any decisions until you do this, otherwise if you leave, in afew months or even 6 months you could totally regret giving up on your marriage.

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A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. BUT, be warned, you might never find such a wonderful woman in your entire life ever again. You will possibly sacrifice her heart for your perceived independence.

 

Let me tell ya, you can have you cake and eat it too, but you never never drive your tank over other people's hearts. You can do whatever in life, but just remember to treat everyone how you'd like to be treated.

 

Why not compromise? Tell your wife that you're having these feelings about kids and the burbs and the house and the dog. Maybe she'd like to travel the world too? Maybe she'd like kids at 30 as well?

 

Good luck.

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[quote=You Live Only Once;22477

 

i constantly think of myself with other women, but i dont know if that will bring me happiness, i feel almost this curse on me because shes the only woman ive been with.

 

ya we can do those fun things together we travel together which is probably what i would miss most, but i think the fun for guys going out clubbing and stuff is having sex with a random stranger.

 

see life dosent have to be HARD, life dosent have to be filled doing tasks that you don not want to do, having kids and doing everything and sacraficing everything for them, it dosent have to be like that, i can take more schooling and work abroad and stuff like that.

 

only thing is.....

 

im a truly missing out on something great by ditching the blue collar lifestyle in the burbs with kids and all? cause at this moment i dont think so...

 

You are still young and something that you will learn as you mature is that life is hard, no matter what you are doing or what choices you are making. Sure, you think going off and having sex with some random stranger and clubing and drinking has it's attractions, you think you will be CARE FREE ie: that life won't be hard. I'm sorry to tell you, you will be sorley mistaken. Life will still be hard, but with different issues and unhappiness. Nothing worth doing was ever easy! You think the grass is greener, perhaps it is? But beware the big pile of t**d on the greener grass.

 

As Lupa said, you have made a commitment!

As others have said, treat people how you would like to be treated.

Talk to your wife, seek therapy and MC. You don't have to have the kids right away, just talk to her!

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