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Wife Wants Trial Separation


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Old 27th June 2009, 9:30 PM   #1
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Unhappy Wife Wants Trial Separation

This is my first post. I have been lurking around for about a week trying to bring up the courage to register and post. So here goes.

My wife and I have been married just over four years. About a month ago she opened up to me that we are having some problems. I understood because in the past I have done some things wrong as a husband. Since then I have (at least felt like I have) corrected. She agreed but still holds the resentment against me. I have asked over and over what I can do to make things better. She said nothing; it was something she had to work on. When this happened, I made arrangements to go on a mini-vacation to the beach. We went and it seemed like everything was getting better. Then last week, she starts again about the same issues. I asked over and over what I can do. She said nothing it was her. She said she wanted to leave. Come today, I pour out my heart to her about how much I love her and how I basically worship the ground she walks on. After I poured out my heart, she asked if it would be ok for her to move into the rental house for a while as a trial separation. This time I agreed to it. I went today and changed the locks on the rental house. She hasnít said when she will move. She is working out some arrangements with her younger brother to split the bills.

I have been correcting my behavior for over two years. I was spending way too much time at work or thinking about work. I was gone from time to the time with The Army National Guard. To make things better, I did not re-enlist in the Army National Guard. I feel I have made good strides in my changes to be a better husband. I cannot get an answer from her as to what to do. What can I do?

Thanks,
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Old 27th June 2009, 10:15 PM   #2
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Hello mate,
Sorry to hear about your problems.You have come to the best place for advice.

This trial sepration thing sounds bad to me,it seems that she is seriously intending to move on.

Don't make the mistakes I made and beg her to come back,or keep asking what you can do to make things better....I am afraid probably nothing you can do will be good enough for her.

Any ideas as to what has set this behaviour off in your wife??
Any possibilty there might be another guy that has turned her head?..
Seriously look into that possibilty as many people come to this forum saying 'she's definately not having an affair'...only a month later to find out the truth.

hope things work out.
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Old 27th June 2009, 11:22 PM   #3
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Really gonna need some more info. Why is she unhappy, how long, kids, etc. it all helps. Chances are, someone here has been in your situation. Best I can give you right now is to look into Marriage Counseling while shes willing to work with you. Keep hunting threads looking for someone in a similar situation, and keep posting!
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Old 27th June 2009, 11:29 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 11bgentleman View Post
This is my first post. I have been lurking around for about a week trying to bring up the courage to register and post. So here goes.

My wife and I have been married just over four years. About a month ago she opened up to me that we are having some problems. I understood because in the past I have done some things wrong as a husband. Since then I have (at least felt like I have) corrected. She agreed but still holds the resentment against me. I have asked over and over what I can do to make things better. She said nothing; it was something she had to work on. When this happened, I made arrangements to go on a mini-vacation to the beach. We went and it seemed like everything was getting better. Then last week, she starts again about the same issues. I asked over and over what I can do. She said nothing it was her. She said she wanted to leave. Come today, I pour out my heart to her about how much I love her and how I basically worship the ground she walks on. After I poured out my heart, she asked if it would be ok for her to move into the rental house for a while as a trial separation. This time I agreed to it. I went today and changed the locks on the rental house. She hasnít said when she will move. She is working out some arrangements with her younger brother to split the bills.

I have been correcting my behavior for over two years. I was spending way too much time at work or thinking about work. I was gone from time to the time with The Army National Guard. To make things better, I did not re-enlist in the Army National Guard. I feel I have made good strides in my changes to be a better husband. I cannot get an answer from her as to what to do. What can I do?

Thanks,
Have you talked to her about going into marriage couseling? If you both are commited you can work it out, but you both need to sit with someone who can help you comminicate with each other.
Now some advice, women like men to be men, while it's great that you have this amazing love for her don't give her permission to walk all over you and don't allow her to keep you in limbo... set some boundries for this trial seperation if she's not willing to go along with them assume she has someone on the side and that you've already lost her.
These boards have some great people with amazing advice ..... I'm sure other posters will give you some insight
good luck
PJ
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Old 27th June 2009, 11:46 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pradajunkie View Post
Have you talked to her about going into marriage couseling? If you both are commited you can work it out, but you both need to sit with someone who can help you comminicate with each other.
Now some advice, women like men to be men, while it's great that you have this amazing love for her don't give her permission to walk all over you and don't allow her to keep you in limbo... set some boundries for this trial seperation if she's not willing to go along with them assume she has someone on the side and that you've already lost her.
These boards have some great people with amazing advice ..... I'm sure other posters will give you some insight
good luck
PJ
I would like to thank everyone for the posts. I discussed marriage counseling. She initially agreed. It seems like she skipped it and went straight for the trial separation. We have no kids.
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Old 28th June 2009, 11:16 AM   #6
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Read my threads "MyStory" and "The rest of MyStory" very similar situation and a lot of good advice. Keep Posting.
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Old 28th June 2009, 12:28 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 11bgentleman View Post
I would like to thank everyone for the posts. I discussed marriage counseling. She initially agreed. It seems like she skipped it and went straight for the trial separation. We have no kids.
Hey 11bgentleman, I don't know what the story is entirely. In your post you said that youve been correcting your behaviour for the past 2 years what behaviour? also if your wife chose to skip the trial separation and decided to a divorce, then maybe you need to accept that as hard as it may be and begin to establish NC at least it's not complicated since you two do not have children. Good luck to and keep posting!
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Old 28th June 2009, 1:00 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tojaz View Post
Read my threads "MyStory" and "The rest of MyStory" very similar situation and a lot of good advice. Keep Posting.
Tojaz
Really do need more info on what your wife has expressed are the "issues". Do read Tojaz's threads, you will see the process more clearly.
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Old 28th June 2009, 10:00 PM   #9
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Let me ask you this, do you think or have ANY reason to believe there may be someone else in the picture? Even if you think there is not, I suggest you do some investigating to ensure.

There is no way to fix your marriage if it's been invaded by an interloper.
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