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How can I tell if my ex husband still loves me


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Old 23rd March 2009, 12:28 AM   #1
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How can I tell if my ex husband still loves me

My ex and I have been divorced now for about 2 years, but I miss him horribly and haven't dated anyone since. Sometimes when he comes over he just looks at me but doesn't say anything. It looks like he still has love in his eyes. He has told me that he doesn't want me back. I cheated on him when we were married so I feel like he's just putting up a barrier so he doesn't get hurt again. I would never step out on him again though. My life has changed dramatically since the divorce and I now live my life for the Lord.
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Old 23rd March 2009, 12:59 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Lonely4Years View Post
My ex and I have been divorced now for about 2 years, but I miss him horribly and haven't dated anyone since. Sometimes when he comes over he just looks at me but doesn't say anything. It looks like he still has love in his eyes. He has told me that he doesn't want me back. I cheated on him when we were married so I feel like he's just putting up a barrier so he doesn't get hurt again. I would never step out on him again though. My life has changed dramatically since the divorce and I now live my life for the Lord.
That sounds awesome. if you still love him, you have to show him, actions speak louder than words. It's good that you changed your life around.
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Old 23rd March 2009, 1:13 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Lonely4Years View Post
My ex and I have been divorced now for about 2 years, but I miss him horribly and haven't dated anyone since. Sometimes when he comes over he just looks at me but doesn't say anything. It looks like he still has love in his eyes. He has told me that he doesn't want me back. I cheated on him when we were married so I feel like he's just putting up a barrier so he doesn't get hurt again. I would never step out on him again though. My life has changed dramatically since the divorce and I now live my life for the Lord.

That's nice. Is your ex husband religious? It doesen't sound like you appreciate the changes your actions put into motion.

How long were you married? Kids? What were the circumstances of your affair / divorce?

There is a possibility that the damage you have done is unrepairable.
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Old 23rd March 2009, 1:22 AM   #4
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It really depends on how things went down. If you cheated on him and then were the one who left and put him through hell, who knows. I know if it were me and the situation were similar to the way my soon to be ex did things, I'd never be interested in getting back together again. Yeah there are friend feelings and wishes for the best but as far as a relationship, well it's just not ever going to happen again. You could change all you want but in the back of his mind he will always see you as the ex wife who dumped him to the curve for whatever reason. And who knows if it's just because you're lonely and haven't dated anybody else. Who knows if things don't get to that same place again and somebody else is interested you jump for the fences or break it off again.

It's rarely worth it to go back down a path that already failed.
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Old 23rd March 2009, 7:30 AM   #5
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My wife is gonna be a walkaway soon.

The simple fact is I love her. I adore her. ANd I need her in my life.

Because of this, if I found out she cheated on me, I would have no choice but to forgive her. My love would be greater than my pain.

I WOULD have a very hard time TRUSTING again, but the responsibility to reinstate that trust would be HERS. You play , you pay.

I agree with the above poster, HOW you reacted to his finding out about your infidelity will play a big part in his accepting you back. If he does, the rules will be written by him, and you will have to accept them 100%, no negotiations. And his rules, depending on his pain, may not be easiest things to follow.
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Old 23rd March 2009, 3:24 PM   #6
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He's told you he doesn't want you back, and the love you see in his eyes for you, well...not enough to go on really. It's his actions only that will speak louder than words or what his eyes you may think are meaning. What has he done to make you think you have a chance?
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Old 24th March 2009, 9:26 AM   #7
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My ex and I were married for 4 and a half years. We have 1 daughter together. However I cheated on him off and on for 4 and a half years with the same man. I never lied to my ex about where I was going. I'm incapable of lying so he always knew. He just told me he wanted me to be happy so he let me do it. Also he's the one that kicked me out. Also, we've had sex 2 times within the past six months. He also moved back in with me for a while but then he started dating someone else so he was done with me again. I think he's just trying to get back at me and it DOES hurt but I love him so much. I don't really care what he's trying to do to me. I just hope he gets it out of his system. I should probably also mention that I had a baby by the man that I cheated on my ex with but that was after we had already gotten a divorce. He also got his ex girlfriend pregnant but she miscarried. So we're kinda on the same page there.
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Old 24th March 2009, 10:58 AM   #8
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Complicated

This is one complicated situation. I don't have anything to say but to wish you both all the best.
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Old 24th March 2009, 12:12 PM   #9
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What you are seeing in his eyes is probably sorrow about the situation. I doubt that it is an indication that he wants to try again.

Men take physical cheating much more seriously than women. I've read that this is because men unconsciously need to be certain that a child is his. Cheating plus the fact that you have even already had a child with another man makes the odds of you two getting back together extremely slim.

I suggest dedicating your time and energy to looking your best and finding a better man than your ex. With children, your odds aren't great, but they're certainly better than wasting time and energy trying to get back with the ex.
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Old 24th March 2009, 12:13 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonely4Years View Post
My ex and I were married for 4 and a half years. We have 1 daughter together. However I cheated on him off and on for 4 and a half years with the same man. I never lied to my ex about where I was going. I'm incapable of lying so he always knew. He just told me he wanted me to be happy so he let me do it. Also he's the one that kicked me out. Also, we've had sex 2 times within the past six months. He also moved back in with me for a while but then he started dating someone else so he was done with me again. I think he's just trying to get back at me and it DOES hurt but I love him so much. I don't really care what he's trying to do to me. I just hope he gets it out of his system. I should probably also mention that I had a baby by the man that I cheated on my ex with but that was after we had already gotten a divorce. He also got his ex girlfriend pregnant but she miscarried. So we're kinda on the same page there.
Sounds very ghetto. Good luck with that.
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Old 24th March 2009, 12:26 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonely4Years View Post
My ex and I have been divorced now for about 2 years, but I miss him horribly and haven't dated anyone since. Sometimes when he comes over he just looks at me but doesn't say anything. It looks like he still has love in his eyes. He has told me that he doesn't want me back. I cheated on him when we were married so I feel like he's just putting up a barrier so he doesn't get hurt again. I would never step out on him again though. My life has changed dramatically since the divorce and I now live my life for the Lord.
First off - Have you ever resolved why you cheated in the first place ? This seems to be important part of mending the fence, right ?

You have to subtly show that your life has changed for the better. I would invite him to go to church with you and often let him know when you are going - including say on a Friday night. Be sweet on him, you don't have to lay it on thick or be so forward with your emotions and certianly don't act like you are trying to get him into the sack as that may act as a painful reminder of the cheating.

As they say, "kill em with kindness" , before you know it you guys could really be enjoying quality time together. Believe it or not, men are simplistic creatures - a nice meal, some nice conversation, and a little freedom is all we really need.
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Old 24th March 2009, 12:31 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Kic View Post
What you are seeing in his eyes is probably sorrow about the situation. I doubt that it is an indication that he wants to try again.

Men take physical cheating much more seriously than women. I've read that this is because men unconsciously need to be certain that a child is his. Cheating plus the fact that you have even already had a child with another man makes the odds of you two getting back together extremely slim.

I suggest dedicating your time and energy to looking your best and finding a better man than your ex. With children, your odds aren't great, but they're certainly better than wasting time and energy trying to get back with the ex.
This is sound advise right here. What happened to the other man who is daddy # 2? Try and concentrate on providing stability for your children at this point, I highly doubt that he would want to try again expecially now that you are with a child from the other man.
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Old 24th March 2009, 2:32 PM   #13
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"Daddy number 2" is history. He bailed when I got further along in my pregnancy. I haven't seen him since 07. I am providing stability in my life. I want both of my children to be happy and have a normal life. It's kinda hard though because my son thinks that my ex husband is his dad(he's 14 months) and he doesn't know any different. Also my ex husband said he wanted to spend more time with both of my kids. I'm very grateful to him for that because my son does need a father figure. I think maybe that's part of the problem because when a man is so good with your kids it's hard not to fall for him. Oh well, I keep telling myself that the whole situation is in God's hands and if it's meant to be then it will be.
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Old 24th March 2009, 3:10 PM   #14
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The way I see your situation is like watching Jerry Springer. I believe that if daddy no. 2 was still around you would still be cheating with him. My question is that if you were married for 4.5 years and cheated on your husband for 4.5 years, why did you marry him? The fact that he allowed it doesn't mean he was comfortable with the idea - probably he tagged along, and then got you when he was prepared to move on. Also, the fact that he slept with you twice within the last 6 months is to prove a point to make you look real cheap, especially knowing that you had a child for Mr. number 2.

Like other posters said, you now need to focus your energy in dealing with yourself and kids.
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Old 24th March 2009, 9:18 PM   #15
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You're right. I never thought of it that way. Thank you all for your comments. I know I've spent a lot of time and energy on trying to get him back, but I'm cheating myself and my kids a happy life. I guess I've still got a lot to learn about love.
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