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Seriously... do most younger people these days give up on marriage so easily??? Why?


sweetlonelygurl23

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sweetlonelygurl23

Please help me!!!

I've posted a post on here (it's at the bottom of this post). This is a continuation.

 

After what went down at the wedding that night (which was totally uncalled for on both sides) ; my husband now wants to divorce me b/c he wants to divorce my parents. Not really me; but the only way to divorce them is by divorcing me. I myself do not believe in divorce. I want to work things out. I love him; even though no one probably understands that. I'm just so down and heartbroken right now. Sucks to be me. Then I still have to muster up a way to pass this NCLEX w/this going on. Neither party is innocent either. I'm tired of everyone fighting over me and my love. I'm not some prize that people can just win and all. Does my happiness count for anything??

 

If my husband goes through w/the divorce thing (which he will tell me honey there's nothing you can do I've made my mind up; then the next sentence he will say I'm confused); I'm going to be hurt. My parents are going to be happy and my husband will be too. Who still ends up getting hurt......??? Me of course. I'm the one who will be so unhappy and have to go back to my parents and their I told you so's.

 

My husband has been home w/me the past couple of nights and his drinking has been better.

 

I'm going to try to get him to attend a Save your Marriage weekend if I still have time.

 

Maybe I'm to blame for this, but I have never known how to set boundaries w/anyone. I don't know how to. My parents tend to think that I'm still their daughter and will do whatever I have to do to please them. They do not see my opinions or decisions as good ones. They always see themselves as right all the time. I don't know how to deal w/them either. Now..... I'm probably going to lose my husband all b/c I don't know how to deal w/them. I tend to feel guilty over things w/them when I shouldn't let it bother me.

 

Does anyone else have any suggestions or help for me??

 

Why is it that young people want to give up on marriage so easily??

!!! What do I do??? Anyone know how to decode guy language??? me!!

This is a long post. My husband & I have been together for 5 1/2 yrs and married since Sept 07. Things have always been pretty rough from the get go. My parents and my husband have never gotten along even before we were married. Things were going okay up until Dec 08. One of my extended family members had a wedding on Dec 20. I asked my husband if he wanted to go to it w/me and it was also understood that my parents would be at the wedding too. I told him that I would not be mad if he didn't go. So he decided not to go. So instead, I took my friend w/me on that Saturday night; kind of made it a girls night.

 

Anyhow... she was a little bored w/the wedding so she texted my husband and asked him to come stay w/me and let her drive my car to 4th Street. So he ended up at the wedding w/us. I told me parents that I would be right back. They didn't listen to me and instead followed me outside w/o me knowing. Anyhow.... my husband gave me friend my car keys. I preceded to tell him that my friend had been drinking liquor and tequila shots and was not going to be driving anywhere.

 

So anyhow somehow my dad and my husband ended up in a shoving match. I'm not sure how; but I ended up being able to pull them apart. Then instead of my husband letting things go; he tells everyone that he is calling the cops to press charges. I was so angry at both parties for acting the way that they did; plus I had 3 weeks of anger building up inside of me from my husband going to the Elks Club and hanging out from 4:30pm - 8, 9, 10, or 11ish. I never knew when he was going to come home ever. It was all about going to the Elks w/his dad and/or brother and drinking. I believe he is an alcoholic.

 

So since I was angry I didn't check on either of them (which I know was wrong). Instead I left and went to 4th Street w/my friend and a couple of my sober guy cousins. So I didn't end up going home until Sunday @ around noon. When I got there, my husband was there w/his dad and they were changing the locks on the house. He then told me that I had 30 min to get what I needed and he threw me out of my house. He said that the puppies would be staying w/him. Now...... I was really fuming...... b/c I was taking my NCLEX exam (nursing boards) on Tuesday morning @ 8AM. This was absolutely ridiculous.

 

Anyhow.... I took boards and ended up failing them but not by much. I wasn't too surprised after what I had been through. So anyhow......... we started going to counseling abt 3 weeks ago for ourselves individually and as a couple. He keeps talking about divorce w/me and wants to leave me b/c he says he doesn't want to deal w/in-laws that don't like him anymore. I don't think that's fair to leave me b/c of it. He knew abt that when we got married and I knew he drank somewhat too before we got married (although it is 100 times worse now). When we were in couples counseling today, my husband said that he's 98% sure he wants a divorce (or so he tells our counselor that; yet he still wants to continue couples counseling..??). I am so angry right now. I don't know what to do....???

 

Then he's got a problem w/my mom/family and he blames his drinking on that/me. I wish he would remember why we fell in love again. Any suggestions on how I can get him to refall in love w/me again?? I'm feeling things that I would not wish on anyone. I just don't know what to do. One of my friend's said that it's like he's playing games w/me. I don't want to play. I just want to save me marriage. I don't want to throw 5 1/2 yrs of my life away. He comes home and doesn't talk to me; instead he drinks, plays his computer game, or whatever else he can do to not spend time w/me.

 

He also baffles me b/c he wants to know why I won't snuggle w/him at night and why I sleep so far away from him. Gee.... I wonder why. Then his last comment a few minutes ago was...... don't worry I won't make you wait much longer. I just don't get it. I've tried to be a good wife and I guess I'm just not good enough. Can anyone help me/give me some suggestions????

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Please help me!!!

I've posted a post on here (it's at the bottom of this post). This is a continuation.

 

After what went down at the wedding that night (which was totally uncalled for on both sides) ; my husband now wants to divorce me b/c he wants to divorce my parents. Not really me; but the only way to divorce them is by divorcing me. I myself do not believe in divorce. I want to work things out. I love him; even though no one probably understands that. I'm just so down and heartbroken right now. Sucks to be me. Then I still have to muster up a way to pass this NCLEX w/this going on. Neither party is innocent either. I'm tired of everyone fighting over me and my love. I'm not some prize that people can just win and all. Does my happiness count for anything??

 

If my husband goes through w/the divorce thing (which he will tell me honey there's nothing you can do I've made my mind up; then the next sentence he will say I'm confused); I'm going to be hurt. My parents are going to be happy and my husband will be too. Who still ends up getting hurt......??? Me of course. I'm the one who will be so unhappy and have to go back to my parents and their I told you so's.

 

My husband has been home w/me the past couple of nights and his drinking has been better.

 

I'm going to try to get him to attend a Save your Marriage weekend if I still have time.

 

Maybe I'm to blame for this, but I have never known how to set boundaries w/anyone. I don't know how to. My parents tend to think that I'm still their daughter and will do whatever I have to do to please them. They do not see my opinions or decisions as good ones. They always see themselves as right all the time. I don't know how to deal w/them either. Now..... I'm probably going to lose my husband all b/c I don't know how to deal w/them. I tend to feel guilty over things w/them when I shouldn't let it bother me.

 

Does anyone else have any suggestions or help for me??

 

Why is it that young people want to give up on marriage so easily??

!!! What do I do??? Anyone know how to decode guy language??? me!!

This is a long post. My husband & I have been together for 5 1/2 yrs and married since Sept 07. Things have always been pretty rough from the get go. My parents and my husband have never gotten along even before we were married. Things were going okay up until Dec 08. One of my extended family members had a wedding on Dec 20. I asked my husband if he wanted to go to it w/me and it was also understood that my parents would be at the wedding too. I told him that I would not be mad if he didn't go. So he decided not to go. So instead, I took my friend w/me on that Saturday night; kind of made it a girls night.

 

Anyhow... she was a little bored w/the wedding so she texted my husband and asked him to come stay w/me and let her drive my car to 4th Street. So he ended up at the wedding w/us. I told me parents that I would be right back. They didn't listen to me and instead followed me outside w/o me knowing. Anyhow.... my husband gave me friend my car keys. I preceded to tell him that my friend had been drinking liquor and tequila shots and was not going to be driving anywhere.

 

So anyhow somehow my dad and my husband ended up in a shoving match. I'm not sure how; but I ended up being able to pull them apart. Then instead of my husband letting things go; he tells everyone that he is calling the cops to press charges. I was so angry at both parties for acting the way that they did; plus I had 3 weeks of anger building up inside of me from my husband going to the Elks Club and hanging out from 4:30pm - 8, 9, 10, or 11ish. I never knew when he was going to come home ever. It was all about going to the Elks w/his dad and/or brother and drinking. I believe he is an alcoholic.

 

So since I was angry I didn't check on either of them (which I know was wrong). Instead I left and went to 4th Street w/my friend and a couple of my sober guy cousins. So I didn't end up going home until Sunday @ around noon. When I got there, my husband was there w/his dad and they were changing the locks on the house. He then told me that I had 30 min to get what I needed and he threw me out of my house. He said that the puppies would be staying w/him. Now...... I was really fuming...... b/c I was taking my NCLEX exam (nursing boards) on Tuesday morning @ 8AM. This was absolutely ridiculous.

 

Anyhow.... I took boards and ended up failing them but not by much. I wasn't too surprised after what I had been through. So anyhow......... we started going to counseling abt 3 weeks ago for ourselves individually and as a couple. He keeps talking about divorce w/me and wants to leave me b/c he says he doesn't want to deal w/in-laws that don't like him anymore. I don't think that's fair to leave me b/c of it. He knew abt that when we got married and I knew he drank somewhat too before we got married (although it is 100 times worse now). When we were in couples counseling today, my husband said that he's 98% sure he wants a divorce (or so he tells our counselor that; yet he still wants to continue couples counseling..??). I am so angry right now. I don't know what to do....???

 

Then he's got a problem w/my mom/family and he blames his drinking on that/me. I wish he would remember why we fell in love again. Any suggestions on how I can get him to refall in love w/me again?? I'm feeling things that I would not wish on anyone. I just don't know what to do. One of my friend's said that it's like he's playing games w/me. I don't want to play. I just want to save me marriage. I don't want to throw 5 1/2 yrs of my life away. He comes home and doesn't talk to me; instead he drinks, plays his computer game, or whatever else he can do to not spend time w/me.

 

He also baffles me b/c he wants to know why I won't snuggle w/him at night and why I sleep so far away from him. Gee.... I wonder why. Then his last comment a few minutes ago was...... don't worry I won't make you wait much longer. I just don't get it. I've tried to be a good wife and I guess I'm just not good enough. Can anyone help me/give me some suggestions????

 

Hey Sweetlonelygurl,

 

So you're saying your husband is willing to divorce you because he can't get along with your parents? I of course don't know you or him, but that sounds a little far fetched. I'm not saying it's not probabable, but I know I would've never left my wife based on my inlaws being hard to deal with. Do your parents just invade any privacy you and your husband have? I'm not sure I understand why they are in the middle of your marriage as much? You and your husband are adults and shouldn't have to answer to anyone. I don't know, sounds like there is a lot more to this story. Is there another woman by chance?

 

As for people not taking marriage seriously anymore, I would tend to agree with you. When I got married, I made those vows for life. Maybe I'm just old school, but I never saw divorce as an option, but then again, it wasn't my choice to be in the middle of one either. I'm sorry you are going thru this, we're here for you, sorry no one had replied. I'll try and help with whatever I can.

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Sorry to hear about this. I don't think he is treating you or this marriage right. Your in-laws have nothing to do with the love you to share. If anything ask him would it make a differnece if they were not in the pitcure.

 

But like mountians10 said I would have never left my wife over this. I would check his reasoning again, another women or something else. What is his attitude like? Is he treating you ok? I hope everything works out for you, I am upset of all these sad stories of heartbreak here on LS. I think it's about morals and these spouses just dont have them.

 

I mean what kind of people are these!!! Just causing pain where ever they go. They have no remorse or compasion for their spouse and their familes. My God bless you and help you through these troubling times.

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TrustInYourself

This has nothing to do with taking marriage seriously.

 

It has to do with multiple factors regarding his behavior and your behavior.

 

If you want it to work, examine how you contribute to existing problems. Examine yourself to find truth in your relationship.

 

I know that is hard to understand.

 

Let me put it plainly.

 

Your husband and father argue, you leave. What does that action express to your husband? Before you were just boyfriend/girlfriend, now you are married. Who is taking the marriage lightly?

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TrustInYourself
Your H sounds immature. Why does he have problems with your parents? Does he work? Did he go to school?

 

Perhaps it's reactionary to parents who are not exactly ideal. You don't have enough information to make assumptions about the husband's character.

 

It could be a matter of support. What actions do you take to support him? I know you state that you have supported him in the past, but there has to be some reasoning behind his decision.

 

It could very well be another woman. Have you personally addressed the issue? Is there cause for him to leave?

 

I hope you feel better soon.

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I just think in general the younger generation(35 and younger) is filled with spoiled brats who don't want to pay the consequences for their own mistakes.. They don't want to work hard. They want the easy path to everything.. It's not everybody but there is a reason why half of society is nothing but overweight and lazy.. There is a reason why most of the rest of the world hates the US.... Too many arrogant and spoiled brats... And I'm only 32 years old and think half the people I know are clueless in how the rest of the world lives....Too many trust fund brats or kids who never had to really work for anything..

 

Maybe the world should have a major depression and half these spoiled brats would finally figure out that life isn't that easy and sometimes working hard isn't such a bad idea.... whatever work you do...No respect... I work in an office now but I don't forget where I came from... I still respect everybody no matter who I come in contact with.. Yet a few of my co-workers have a problem in giving money to homeless people.. Excuse after excuse... It's not my will to say whether or not the person is or isn't homeless....I assume they are if they ask and I can sleep at night knowing that.....My grandmother taught me that lesson years ago...You don't make excuses on why you don't give or donate...You just do it... Too many people today look for the easy way out no matter what you're talking about. Whether that's marriage, relationships, friendships, work, houses, kids, life and so on...

 

A lot of people in the US have become nothing more than spoiled arrogant brats.....Maybe it is a big reason why things are happening the way they are.. Nobody wants to work hard anymore...they want the quick buck....And nobody wants to work hard at a relationship.. They want it their way or the highway....

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Society has given up on marriage. Look at all the ent. news, fancy wedding followed by divorces - A.Rod, Madonna, Paul McCartney, Prince Charles. The last great marriage was John Lennon and Yoko and everyone blames her for breaking up the beatles.

 

Plus the laws encourage divorce. Have affair on spouse? No problem, get divorced take 50% of money, spend the rest of money on your lawyers and go to the next poor sucker. Really is gender neutral, both sides get in on the act now. Few states are at-fault distribution, and the money in the divorce industry is huge (lawyers, mediators, accountants, parenting supervisors, etc.). Reconciliation is bad for fees.

 

In your specific situation, I would try to get counseling. It looks like it's just a bad fight and if he is really unsure, and you want to stay together, don't give up.

 

But you may want to go to Hawaii next Christmas without your parents.

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