chicklet Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Hi there! I am new here but none the less require serious advice! Long story short. I have been married for 3 years,together with him for 6, lots of good times, several small white lies from him in the past, we have a child together and a house, I have been staying at home looking after our child, we have moved away from our home town, I don;t have many friends or at least any that want to do much I am 28. He is 34. I had complications with our pregnancy and during that time I was hospitalized and when I got home I found out he was surfin porn on the net, he admitted it, belittled it and I dismissed it, again approx 1 year later found more porn on the net when I went away for the weekend for a course, he denied it tried to erase it off the computer before i could find it, and he said he did it to end the relationship. Then later said he was angry and that he didn;t mean it. F.F 6 months, we split up and he went to a strip club and spent 700 bucks, but nothin happened at the strip club, I admit my self esteem is very low and he obviously isn;t helping, but now he got a credit card and I just found out from the mailbox that I guaranteed it! He took my Social Ins.# and forged my signature what the hell am I doing right? Don't forget I am married. But this seems like too much betrayal for one person to handle. Do not sugar coat your advice please! I need all advice on what to do I have never been here in this stage of life. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Hi. I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch.... however keep in mind that if you make it through this you will come out stronger than before. I think you need a bit of a self esteem boost. If you aren't working, you need to get a job. Even part time even just a couple of mornings a week. Maybe at a store you like. There are lots of stores, where they hire stay at home mom's for just a few hours a week. The goal here would be for you to get out of the house, and have a sense of self that has nothing to do with your life with your husband and baby, but just with YOU and you alone. Make sure you have your finances in order..... credit of yourself, your own checking account and money stashed away in case of emergency... Don't be your husband's mom. I think men view pornography a lot more than women. Actually the whole industry is geared towards men! We don't understand what they get out of it, but perhaps he was just masterbating to it. They do it anyway, with or without Porn.....try not to take it personally....I think if you knew how many men viewed Porn, you would be absolutely shocked. Just try not to take it personally. As far as your other issues..some counseling may be in order. You also could find use joining a local Mom's club. Call the library, or the chamber of commerce, and find one. You need to find friends and fast. We women need our support group. Well, write back ... this is a great board. It helped me a LOT when I went through a breakup over a year ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilly Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Wow... I didn't realise so many men seem to be addicted to porn, there've been a lot of posts lately about this particular subject. He's still very much in the denial stage so if you choose to stick by him you have a very hard slog ahead of you. Until he reaches the point of being able to admit he has an addiction to porn, has a strong desire to beat it (no pun intended) then puts the work in, his lies and betrayals will only keep escalating and your self-esteem will keep sinking. There's something very troubling about a guy who gets angry saying he was only looking at porn to end a relationship when busted. He obviously has a lot of stuff to work out for and by himself, whether you choose to remain by his side through it can only be your choice. Personally, I'd cut my loses and run. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 So you're married to a pornography addict, a sneak, a spendaholic, a forgery artist, a credit card fraud expert, etc. What a deal. You didn't have to ask me not to sugar coat my posts because I seldom do...but thanks for the courtesy. You didn't say anything good about this guy but there must be some compelling reason why you are remaining with somebody like this. Either he's hell in bed, a good father, a good provider...or there must be some reason. If you don't have a good reason for staying with him, then it's you who has the problem and not him. Before you consider divorce, you need to try to get him to counselling or treatment. The links section of this site has some excellent resources for sex and pornography addiction. You can also go to a good search engine like www.google.com and enter "pornography addiction treatment" without the quotes into the search field to get hundreds of sites dealing with this problem. You will get resources you can call to get advice on how to deal with the porno. The lying and concealment problem is another thing. You cannot trust a man who lies about his activities and who forges your name on credit card applications. This is criminal, I don't care if you're married. Because you are married that's all the more reason why the two of you should discuss finances and how much debt you want to take on. If I were a woman and I knew that my forged signature was helping my husband get lap dances and look at strippers' boobs and crotches while I was at home with the kid, I'd be at a divorce attorney's office about ten minutes after I had flushed him down the toilet. You are not in a marriage, I don't really know how to describe what your in but it really sucks. So, again, you know what you're getting out of this. If there are more reasons to stay, then stay. But understand your child is going to be exposed to a lot of crap later on that you may regret all your life. I am so sorry but I think you married the wrong man. Just think, though, before the Internet he would have been bringing in handfuls of dirty magazines or worse yet maybe he would have brought the strippers to the house. If you are really upset with this and he won't do anything to correct his behavior, get away from him. Some of the things that he has done could get him jail time. Forgery and fraudulent credit card applications are serious crimes. Do you want your child in the same home with a con? Link to post Share on other sites
Lilly Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 To me it seems he forged your signature, did what he had to do to get the credit card to feed his addiction on the web (or perhaps as a means to get cash to go to more strip clubs?) which is how these sites work, credit card. Why else would he go to such lengths?. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthony Posted January 21, 2002 Share Posted January 21, 2002 well you should do 2 things 1. go to counseling for your selfesteem troubles etc. 2. contact legal authorities to setle the matter of him forging your signature and SS# etc. for the credit card. It doesnt matter if you are or were married to him he still broke the law and violated your rights and privacy He is a crook and you should deal with him in the manner apropriate... in other words sue him for all that he is due and then get a divorce if necessary. Such a solution would be the best for the child as well. I mean would you really want this guy to be hi/ her father and theach him/ her to be as he is... etc. Hi there! I am new here but none the less require serious advice! Long story short. I have been married for 3 years,together with him for 6, lots of good times, several small white lies from him in the past, we have a child together and a house, I have been staying at home looking after our child, we have moved away from our home town, I don;t have many friends or at least any that want to do much I am 28. He is 34. I had complications with our pregnancy and during that time I was hospitalized and when I got home I found out he was surfin porn on the net, he admitted it, belittled it and I dismissed it, again approx 1 year later found more porn on the net when I went away for the weekend for a course, he denied it tried to erase it off the computer before i could find it, and he said he did it to end the relationship. Then later said he was angry and that he didn;t mean it. F.F 6 months, we split up and he went to a strip club and spent 700 bucks, but nothin happened at the strip club, I admit my self esteem is very low and he obviously isn;t helping, but now he got a credit card and I just found out from the mailbox that I guaranteed it! He took my Social Ins.# and forged my signature what the hell am I doing right? Don't forget I am married. But this seems like too much betrayal for one person to handle. Do not sugar coat your advice please! I need all advice on what to do I have never been here in this stage of life. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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