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Hey everyone! I'm not new here, but it's been a long time since my last post. I'll quick catch you up on my story....

I got married at 16 due to my mother (whole other long story) and even though we had been dating for a couple months, I hadn't even said I love you yet. We were definately not ready. His dad gave us a card with a $50 bill in it and I thought it was from my dad and put the money in my pocket (I was 16, excited, stupid, made a mistake.) and that has set the entire tone of our now 13 year marriage.

 

We have never really had a good marriage, there have been good times, however it was never just the two of us. If we had good time it was because we were with friends, at a sporting event, at some sort of gathering, etc. I cannot recall a good time with it being just us.

 

We divide our marriage more like a business relationship than a marriage. We separate all of the bills and pay our shares based on our incomes. We split the house payment each and all the other bills are distributed evenly. But when we do taxes I shouldn't be entitled to any of the return because he makes more money and adds all the deductions. This situation worked for me for awhile, but I really don't find it fair any more.

 

Our fights have always been knock down drag out bad. He breaks things, gets violent, blames me for making him be that way, etc. I have tried fighting with him all sorts of ways, and unfortunately I'm just getting to be more like him. Fight fire with fire, right?

 

Well after 5 years of marriage, we decided to have a baby. 4 years later we have another one. Our boys are now 7 and soon to be 3 and definately see our problems, because we have a very hard time controlling our emotions in front of them.

 

Okay, this is already getting long and here's the deal. I've threatened divorce, I can't even count how many times. He's even gone to a lawyer once, I had every thing packed up and then we decided to try again. That was before we even had kids! Now were coming up on our 13 year anniversary. He went to anger management counseling about 9 years ago, we have tried marriage counseling twice, we have read the "Divorce Busting" books and things continue to go back the way they were. Unhealthy.

 

I come from divorce parents, as does he and I think we only stay together in spite of one another and to prove our parents wrong. I know this isn't right. I want to love him, I want to be happy, I want a real family for our children. But I am going CRAZY!! I do not get the love or support (financially or emotional) that I just crave. He says I don't put out enough. We even through all of our problems have never gone longer than 3 weeks with out sex. He says he needs sex to feel intimate, yet I don't want anything to do with sex if I don't feel happy. Ie: financial, emotional support.

 

What I mean by that is this, if I want or need something, I have to go the bank and borrow money. If he pays for it, I have to pay him back. I suffered a miscarriage before our second son and he never even hugged me. Every time I've threated to leave he manages to passify me for awhile and then things go back to the way they were. We have never resolved any argument ever. It justs ends for now and comes back up the next time. This is our marriage. I am tired, scarred, and just fed up.

 

Here is my question, what else can I do? We have tried counseling, books, self help online. Is there any other options? I am to the point I want to leave, but for selfish reasons, want to wait until both kids are in school (saves me on daycare). That is 2 years from now. Hell it's already been 13, what's 2 more?

 

Any help, suggestions, ideas, threats, whatever you want to tell me, I'd appreciate!

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Hey everyone! I'm not new here, but it's been a long time since my last post. I'll quick catch you up on my story....

I got married at 16 due to my mother (whole other long story) and even though we had been dating for a couple months, I hadn't even said I love you yet. We were definately not ready. His dad gave us a card with a $50 bill in it and I thought it was from my dad and put the money in my pocket (I was 16, excited, stupid, made a mistake.) and that has set the entire tone of our now 13 year marriage.

 

We have never really had a good marriage, there have been good times, however it was never just the two of us. If we had good time it was because we were with friends, at a sporting event, at some sort of gathering, etc. I cannot recall a good time with it being just us.

 

We divide our marriage more like a business relationship than a marriage. We separate all of the bills and pay our shares based on our incomes. We split the house payment each and all the other bills are distributed evenly. But when we do taxes I shouldn't be entitled to any of the return because he makes more money and adds all the deductions. This situation worked for me for awhile, but I really don't find it fair any more.

 

Our fights have always been knock down drag out bad. He breaks things, gets violent, blames me for making him be that way, etc. I have tried fighting with him all sorts of ways, and unfortunately I'm just getting to be more like him. Fight fire with fire, right?

 

Well after 5 years of marriage, we decided to have a baby. 4 years later we have another one. Our boys are now 7 and soon to be 3 and definately see our problems, because we have a very hard time controlling our emotions in front of them.

 

Okay, this is already getting long and here's the deal. I've threatened divorce, I can't even count how many times. He's even gone to a lawyer once, I had every thing packed up and then we decided to try again. That was before we even had kids! Now were coming up on our 13 year anniversary. He went to anger management counseling about 9 years ago, we have tried marriage counseling twice, we have read the "Divorce Busting" books and things continue to go back the way they were. Unhealthy.

 

I come from divorce parents, as does he and I think we only stay together in spite of one another and to prove our parents wrong. I know this isn't right. I want to love him, I want to be happy, I want a real family for our children. But I am going CRAZY!! I do not get the love or support (financially or emotional) that I just crave. He says I don't put out enough. We even through all of our problems have never gone longer than 3 weeks with out sex. He says he needs sex to feel intimate, yet I don't want anything to do with sex if I don't feel happy. Ie: financial, emotional support.

 

What I mean by that is this, if I want or need something, I have to go the bank and borrow money. If he pays for it, I have to pay him back. I suffered a miscarriage before our second son and he never even hugged me. Every time I've threated to leave he manages to passify me for awhile and then things go back to the way they were. We have never resolved any argument ever. It justs ends for now and comes back up the next time. This is our marriage. I am tired, scarred, and just fed up.

 

Here is my question, what else can I do? We have tried counseling, books, self help online. Is there any other options? I am to the point I want to leave, but for selfish reasons, want to wait until both kids are in school (saves me on daycare). That is 2 years from now. Hell it's already been 13, what's 2 more?

 

Any help, suggestions, ideas, threats, whatever you want to tell me, I'd appreciate!

 

Have you tried Marriage counceling? Personally I've never thought splitting everything was a good idea, I always think where's the OUR in that? But I am sure there are some marriages it works for. Good luck hun!

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