a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Now let me clarify that I am not interested in advice on M, just what I am asking about the ? in bold below. I am not sure how you handle gifts... likely I will get one or a card tomorrow and I don't want it. * I don't want it because to me it accepting it sends a message that the "game" is still on. * I am not sure how to decline a gift without doing so in a manner that is just mean. - what the hell do you say if someone hands you a gift you don't want in a situation like this? suggestions? * I am hoping that he comes to his senses and doesn't attempt to give me even a card... but I saw one in his car already when moving a coat over on the seat. I still hope he doesn't do it. * I have not gotten him anything and have no desire to do so. * I am just not caring (complete apathy) about the M at all any more, no desire to fix it or be mean about it..... I just want some peace. But again taking the gift clearly sends him the message that "we are just fine" and again puts the brakes on going our sep. ways. I would prefer a friendly split that we can both agree upon. He won't even acknowledge the D word and I cannot pack up and leave at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I think you need to just tell him today that you do not want a gift.. if he gets you a gift then give it back to him... As far as doing it without being mean.. hummm.. It is going to hurt no matter which direction you go... or you could just accept his gift/card to you and not mention anything to him and just put it in the closet and go about your merry way.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Yeah I would just accept the gift and toss it when he's not looking. I do that with cards anyways. I hate those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 But again taking the gift clearly sends him the message that "we are just fine" and again puts the brakes on going our sep. ways. I can see where you might think this.. maybe it would depend on what kind of gift he got you.. ie:.. If he just got you a card and a box of Dove then accepting it would not send the message that everything is okay.. If he got you a 2k tennis bracelet then accepting the gift might say that everything is okay.. It is a toughie... How about if you just leave his gift on the kitchen table and not open it... It will hurt him but it seems you want the gift to not carry a message and you want not accepting it to carry one.. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 "Thank you, and I wish I could accept this with the spirit in which it's intended, but I cannot as I don't want to pretend everything is fine between us." Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 I think he is delusional.... everything is just roses. If I take the gift we are fine I am serious, If I am not throwing cheese at his head every day he thinks and has stated "oh, I thought things were better because you haven't yelled at me" (not those exact words) He assumes because he is fine and happy...... we are fine and happy. I just don't want to get into a pissing match or even get myself frothed up..... but taking it the gift confirms his "we are just fine" delusion. And that pisses me off. :lmao: catch 22. I took his x-mas card and said, Thank you...... in a ho hum way. I have asked for the D, told him I want it to be friendly, and I think he is in serious denial.... He saw the shrinky dink today and it is obvious that shrinky is attempting to get him to face his PA ways.... assertiveness "training" of sorts..... Just put the last nail in the coffin for this M. I just don't care.... too little way way way too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 "Thank you, and I wish I could accept this with the spirit in which it's intended, but I cannot as I don't want to pretend everything is fine between us." Brilliant........ thank you. how pathetic is this situation........ I still have hope that perhaps shrinky dink brought him to his senses and he keeps the gifts away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 If I were you, I would have a little talk today and tell him that tomorrow I am not expecting a gift for VD since that would be 'hypocrital' since our M is over and it does not mean anything anymore... something along those lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 If I were you, I would have a little talk today and tell him that tomorrow I am not expecting a gift for VD since that would be 'hypocrital' since our M is over and it does not mean anything anymore... something along those lines. I did that before x-mas, and already mentioned please no gifts, not interested blah blah. He ignores it. Card in the car as of last week.... gotta give him credit he planned it and bought it before the last minute I had a very nice chat with him earlier today and again expressed that it was done and over with today. Nice, logical, and civil. He was not so much on the logical or non excited side of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I did that before x-mas, and already mentioned please no gifts, not interested blah blah. He ignores it. Card in the car as of last week.... gotta give him credit he planned it and bought it before the last minute I had a very nice chat with him earlier today and again expressed that it was done and over with today. Nice, logical, and civil. He was not so much on the logical or non excited side of things. Then send him a note just like in the necrology: Please no flowers or cards, but a donation to the 'a4a Foundation' would be appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I just don't feel like "cheating" either. I got blue balls. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I just don't feel like "cheating" either. I got blue balls. Is he aware that he is a STBX? If so, then do the dirty deed, but tell him beforehand that this doesn't mean that the marriage is going to be saved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Is he aware that he is a STBX? If so, then do the dirty deed, but tell him beforehand that this doesn't mean that the marriage is going to be saved. Yes he should be quite aware by now.. I am telling you he doesn't believe it or is in some weird la la land. I should just do him and then burn the card he gave me right in front of him. (oh shoot, my evilishness is coming to the surface) Perhaps do him and then use the Tater Mitts on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I just don't feel like "cheating" either. I got blue balls. Now now.. look at you.. all horny but with the wrong guy... If you think that taking the gift will make him think everything's fine.. imagine if you have sex with him.. then he'll think you're not serious about the D... I say...play with yourself.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I got blue balls. blue taters Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Yes he should be quite aware by now.. I am telling you he doesn't believe it or is in some weird la la land. I should just do him and then burn the card he gave me right in front of him. (oh shoot, my evilishness is coming to the surface) Perhaps do him and then use the Tater Mitts on him. The tater mitts? You must mean business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Now now.. look at you.. all horny but with the wrong guy... If you think that taking the gift will make him think everything's fine.. imagine if you have sex with him.. then he'll think you're not serious about the D... I say...play with yourself.. Tired of that...... and the Tater Mitts are starting to hurt me. I need some man meat.... not even in the mood for Roast Beef. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Tired of that...... and the Tater Mitts are starting to hurt me. I need some man meat.... not even in the mood for Roast Beef. Hum.. well I'm afraid you're stuck then... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I just don't feel like "cheating" either. I got blue balls. Wow, that takes me back. My ExW and I used to have clearly defined "Break-up Sex". Like you, knew the ship was dead in the water but didn't want to hook-up with other people because we weren't separated yet. As I recall, it was pretty good ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Wow, that takes me back. My ExW and I used to have clearly defined "Break-up Sex". Like you, knew the ship was dead in the water but didn't want to hook-up with other people because we weren't separated yet. As I recall, it was pretty good ... Mr. Lucky Not even that... I just don't feel like dealing with some new guy and his "feelings". Nor do I feel like putting the effort into getting "laid". and I am very picky. So that would mean a long drive to go "chumming" and likely end up with a small fish anywho.... I could demand they drop trou. for inspections but even if they measure up that doesn't mean they can perform. He is easier to snag. But I cannot do so because he won't take anything I say seriously then. I could just ride em' and hop off when I am finished. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 just dress in black boots carry a whip and yell make me cum b!t**! Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I got blue balls. You will just have to get B.O.B. (that's what the W calls hers:D) out, sounds like your only choice. hum, wonder if ice (W likes it:D) or something cold would do the trick or maybe a cold shower????:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Findingme Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 I am still with my husband but this morning told him to please not get me anything, I don't feel right accepting gifts from him when I feel the way I do. We are going to dinner and a hockey game with our daughter and son in-law and his cousin, that will be nice without screaming everything is ok now when it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 You know what sucks...... I so want to have sex...... but cannot bring myself to do so with him because he will think ... oh boy we have the perfect marriage. I just don't feel like "cheating" either. I got blue balls. No not blue balls, blue clit. Have sex with him but tell him beforehand "I just want to f**k, that's all it is, so don't read anything into it. I'm horny and just wanna get laid." Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted February 14, 2008 Author Share Posted February 14, 2008 He told me he does things for me they just aren't noticed. (geeze. really like what? that you don't poop on the couch and expect me to clean it up) Chatted on the phone about divorce yesterday. He comes home like it's just a reg. night. Plops on the sofa....... same ole same ole. Chat business.... not one word about "us". I just sit and stew. Ignore it. Then I lost it when he thinks he is going to plop in bed with me. Seriously is he stupid or what? 5 hours earlier I requested that we stop a psuedo M and that includes sleeping in the same room, physical contact. Then he attempted his shrinky dink inspired "assertiveness" on me. Like I didn't see that one coming.... Needless to say -That did not go over very well. I think he gets wood by doing exactly what I beg, plead, and scream at him not to do..... PA peeps are so so much fun to live with. Just makes you want to dance a little jig while you smack yourself in the face with a logging chain. I got a " I know you are mad at me but happy valentines day" this morning- whatever, why bother speaking to me even. Oh because he is the victim if he says " I tried to be nice on valentines day, but you were mad at me"...... It would be so nice to have someone that could just say " hey, I like your butt" or "you did great on that presentation"...... he cuts down my work, he only mentions errors, negative things, or I hear nothing. The breath I have wasted telling him how smart he is, how talented he is, how good looking, how good he is in bed (come to think of it he really isn't - turning into a 2 pump chump), how everybody likes him, throwing attention all over him. Prick. All I ask for in return is "hey, nice butt" or something like that. Selfish prick. I like your shoes...... or hey thanks for doing the taxes because I don't know how. Never once has he ever said I was talented at my job(s). The F- bombs were flyin' last night....... so I don't think he will give me his rancid card. - actually he probably will, his way of being the "Poor guy who tried so hard but mean ole me shot him down". I am so tempted to just leave him a voice mail with an F-bomb U on it. I was told I don't believe what he says....... Gee I wonder why I don't believe him? So who wants to be my bitter valentine? :lmao: I am willing to dominate you and take out my frustrations on you in a physical way if you are into that. Good news is I got my wholesale lic.! * note H also kinda said I am the crazy one last night. PA blame, and roller coaster ride.... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Crazy me, asked for a compliment, and some sort of affection from him along with actually doing what I ask for.... yep I am crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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