Karma

[Nomad1]

For those who haven’t read my previous posts, I started the divorce proceedings a few weeks ago and the house is on the market. We are still living in the same house. My STXW came out with ‘I love you but I am not in love with you’ line four months ago, out of the blue. It turned out she had become emotionally attached to an inmate awaiting deportation that she had been visiting in a support / counselling capacity. He is due to be released temporarily in a few days’ time. She has become totally besotted with him to the extent that she checks her and his horoscope each time she goes on the computer. It is insane! At the beginning of the break-up, she was like a yoyo for 3 months, one minute she would engage in intense physical intimacy with me only to say ‘oh sex complicates things’ after a couple of days. She did this five times in what became a predictable pattern. She would say that ‘it comes and goes’, whatever ‘it’ is! First she said ‘it could be the house’ etc. (we bought a new house less than a year ago), ‘maybe it is my mid-life crisis’ Things escalated to her wanting the divorce and the house sold. I made an appointment to see a solicitor before Christmas and at one point she asked me to stop the divorce and the house sale. She subsequently reversed to her original stance. I became exasperated with her behaviour and went to see a solicitor in the New Year to start the divorce.

 

Anyway, he is being released pending deportation, but they are sending him to the other side of the country. He chose that city as he has a child with his girlfriend. My STBX is heartboroken and looks miserable. She has lost everything. We are divorcing, the house is being sold, the object of her infatuation is going far away to be near his 20 something girlfriend and daughter. What goes around, comes around!

 

A few posters said that when they saw their wives after the divorce, they always looked beautiful. Not in my case. Each time I see her I am surprised at how much she has aged in the past 5 months. Perhaps she has always looked that way and when I loved her I thought she was beautiful.

 

I do feel sad for her though. I just hope that she will get over it as if she is happy, my children will be happy.

 

Nomad1

[sadhubby]

awsome nomad just awsome. karma is a bitch aint it. my wife has so much crap flying at her now she actually told me she doesnt know if she is coming or going. her internet bf went back to his wife. she has to move out of her apt into her mothers house that will be good i tell ya. alot of our freinds dont talk to her anymore . her credit is ruined !!! to the tune of 8 grand in cards she hasnt made a payment on in three months. on and on and on . lol

[amaysngrace]

I guess I'm soft because when I hear that bad things are happening to my exH I feel sad for him.

 

And he's a complete and total douche.

[Nomad1]

Sadhabby, do you think it is some sort of quest for self-destruction when they do that? I read about Freud's concept of Thanatos or instinct for self-detruction. I don't understand the driving force behind it. I do know that contrary to what has been talked about here on LS, it is not easy for the WS either. They have to grapple with so many negative emotions for years to come, particularly when there are children involved. I do feel sorry for my STBX. She was such a nice woman only 6 months ago. She now appears like an empty shell. We took our boys to a restaurant yesterday and we hardly talked to each other. I spent all the time talking to my boys while she was fiddling with her mobile phone, reading and sending text messages at the dinner table. Very childish!

 

Take care

 

Nomad

[sandflea]

What comes around, goes around. It seems to always work this way. I, too, got a tearful hand-written letter about 9 months after separation (and 2 months after finalizing the divorce). No friends, job isn't working out - lost in space.

 

Surprisingly, I ended up crashing when I read it - and I think you need to guard against this too. Yeah - you were right. She's little girl lost. And you can't do a thing to protect her anymore. I cried right then and there.

 

I'm glad that you're free of her though. Imagine how much more damange she could have caused.

[PinkRibbon]

Ok pleaaaasseeee Karma Gods do something to my husband! He is the type of person that sh** will run off him and he will still smell like a rose. He could bomb a building and someone would probably say the building needed to be bombed. Why oh why oh why can 't this turn around and something negative happen to him???:eek:

[MakeLemonade]

I wonder if she is somehow still thinking that it is going to work out with deportation guy...or has reality really set in yet? Do you think she will try to get you back, or does she at least truly know that ship has sailed forever? I don't feel badly for her, but I do feel badly for you, it must be so hard to watch. It sounds like you are holding up well though, being strong for your boys. I wish you the best and hope you will again find love eventually, with someone who won't lose their mind.