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Only Married 4 Months!!


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My wife of only 4 months got pissed off a few weeks ago...left..wouldnt talk to me for almost 2 weeks. She says it's because I'm too jealous and she can't stand the arguments and "all night" discussions..that lead no place. She tells me she's been honest about her past (some of it I didn't like too much) and that she would never cheat on our marrige..and when I ask her certain questions, she feels 'INSULTED'. Now she's back home...we're going to counseling..BUT...she's now telling me I'll never change..and she thinks she wants a divorce. Basically she says that if I ever question her 'integrity' again...then she's leaving. And..she now decided that she's sleeping in another room for at least a month...to see if I can stop asking her questions and have total respect for her 'boundaries' (when we have arguments..she'll say STOP..and she expects me to simply walk away and leave her alone for hours or days). This seems pretty disrespectful to me...and I haven't been perfect at leaving her alone...I've even said "You're being totally selfish" when she's said STOP and got in her face a little about how disrepectful that is to me (her husband). I've never called her an insulting name...have never directly accused her of cheating...although I've asked some pointed questions about how she spent her 2 weeks away (which of course she threw back at me as "INSULTING"). Sooo...can anyone help me? I'm going to counseling, and agreed to this list of "Do Not Discuss" things that she never wants to talk about..and she's demanding that I trust her totally and never question anything she does...THEN she'll know I love her!!! Then she tells me if she leaves..I'm supposed to give her money..since she 'closed' her business and moved 80 miles to be married to me. To me..it seems like she's looking for every reason to leave...and giving me one ultimatum after another..but maybe she's just that proud or hurt....I dont know! Please help!

Joel

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If you have discussions and/or disagreements, try to stick to the 48 hour rule. Anything said or done over 48 hours before is ancient history and not to be brought up. If it wasn't discussed and laid to rest then, it's permitted to die a natural death.

 

Likely you knew about her "past" before you married her. If so, you ostensibly went into it with your eyes open. If it was going to be an issue it should have been one four months ago before the marriage. In fairness to her, it's too late now. You should be looking forward, not backward.

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Hello RP... From this and your other post, I think that you need to both go to a counselor or therapist and have them referee and guide you through a discussion of these issues.

 

Sounds like theres insecurity, lack of trust, anger etc clouding any discussion you have with your wife.

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