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husbands ex causing stress


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My H and i are seperated but we are talking and getting along. Not sure where we're going with our marriage but we do love each other. I have asked the question on different LS threads but haven't heard responses. I am wondering if anyone has maintained a marriage BUT lived separatedly?

 

Second issue: My H's ex (his daughters' mother) was sad about our separation, but I feel deep inside that she is probably happy. he doesn't think she wants him, but I do. She is an alcoholic and has been calling him dozens of times per day...drunk and feeling sorry for herself, and wanting sympathy I guess. I said to him I would call her on this. This is NOT something she's done or would do if he and I were living in the same house. I don't plan on calling her because it's something they need to figure out, but it still bothers me..any input from anyone? please!

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Island Girl

Another situation that is tougher because there has to be communication because of his child.

 

I would still have made him do something about it. And if there is to be a relationship in the future, I'd put an end to it pronto. By making a stand against it and making him choose a "camp" either mine or hers.

 

First, because I'd lose respect for him for getting sucked into druken ramblings.

 

Second, because they once had a very intimate relationship and I don't want any woman that close to my husband.

 

I think she wants him - or at least attention from him even if it is just reassurances or sympathy - but she needs to be looking to someone else for these things. Not him.

 

Why are you not living together?

 

If you talk and get along and love each other -- ? Why aren't you together?

 

As to your question about maintaining a marriage BUT living separately:

 

I am married. I have been in a relationship with my husband for over 6 years now. We were married last July. We have been long distance for the last 4 years. He is over 5,000 miles away - on a little tiny island.

 

So yes we are married, talking, getting along, and not living together - but just because of circumstances. We are filing his papers to come to the US and then we will of course live together (we lived together before he left 4 years ago).

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well, this past summer, he hit on my BF at a wedding. We were both there but he and she were out smoking when he made advances toward her. I have posts on LS from back in July if you want to check it out. The other problem was that he was watching porn, leaving the parenting for both of our kids up to me. He was in school and working, so our time was not a priority at all in my eyes. We tried counseling but the incident with my friend happened after that. I decided that the marriage was too much for me. I was very depressed, and was not the parent I wanted to be with my son (11y/o). I moved out and he moved a month later into his own apt.

 

I am undecided about living together again, but I feel like to space and somewhat "independent' living is working GREAT for me. He on the other hand want s to be back in the same home. Our kids go to school together and are doing great! My step daughter is however dealing with her alcoholic mother because she sees her more often now. My H has full custody however.

 

You are exactly right about not wanting another woman that close to my H. I suggested he change his number because she calls him incessantly. Telling her to stop does not deter her at all. I am going to his place to talk and just see each other later tonight (Sat.). i kinda hope she calls while I'm there because it will be an opportunity to say "hey, leave him the *&*^ alone"! I am a little worried she'll say "he's calling me" etc.. I already have trust issues and don't want that on top of it! She's definately that kind of person.

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Island Girl

So, for me, I wouldn't be the one saying "leave him alone". HE better be saying it.

 

If he wants the relationship back you have got to start demanding respect from him.

 

He's got to know you can walk at any time.

 

Hitting on your BF? Whoa --- too much. Crossing very major boundaries and SO close to home. He needs a check - a serious check.

 

If he wants to be back in the same home, he better start earning his place there. Right now he deserves to out in the dog house. It would be consistent effort and showing me a different side of him that would allow me to even ENTERTAIN the idea of getting back together as a family.

 

I'd make sure he knew that. I'd pull back if you aren't getting actions from him. Get busy - he'll wonder what you're up to and probably shape up thinking he'll only have to do it temporarily. Just remember if he can do it for a short time he is capable of it for the long run.

 

Demand more for yourself. He has to be in it 100%. That means setting boundaries for the ex and working his butt off to show you he is not willing to risk your relationship as he did when he hit on your BF.

 

Remind him he is also teaching his daughter and your son how relationships work and what they should expect.

 

Does he really want his daughter disrespected and possibly cheated on by a slimeball? Then he has to show her what a good guy looks like by treating you the way he should be treating you if he sees you as valuable.

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So, for me, I wouldn't be the one saying "leave him alone". HE better be saying it.

If he wants the relationship back you have got to start demanding respect from him.

 

He's got to know you can walk at any time.

 

Ok! That's it folks! That's a wrap, let pack it up and head for the barn! We're done here, all that needs to be said has been said, all that needs to be done ~ has been done! ;)

 

Hitting on your BF? Whoa --- too much. Crossing very major boundaries and SO close to home. He needs a check - a serious check.

 

I think she meant GF ( I read her other thread), that alone and he'd be hissstooorrry!

 

If he wants to be back in the same home, he better start earning his place there.

 

Like most good things in life ~ it don't come easy~! You've got to want it, need it, earn it the old fashion way ~ you've got to work for it!

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Island Girl
I think she meant GF ( I read her other thread), that alone and he'd be hissstooorrry!

 

In this one she typed BF - but I took it to mean Best Friend.

 

You're right Gunny - if it was as implied it would be OOOOOOOOOOOOOVER.

 

 

;)

 

IG

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