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Tips for staying sane while still living together?


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 21st January 2007, 10:31 PM   #1
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Tips for staying sane while still living together?

I told my husband about a month ago that it's officially over for us. We've discussed that I will move out, but for numerous reasons, that won't be until at least March, but I'm really aiming for March 1. In the meantime I am sleeping in the guest room. We own a graphic design business together, so we do have to still work together while we sort it all out. I'd love some tips for how to get through this difficult period of being in the process of separating but still in the limbo of living together. Thank you very much.
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Old 21st January 2007, 10:59 PM   #2
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Great question!

You can see my thread but I'm in the same boat. My H is filing for D tomorrow. Neither of us want to leave kids and house. He is squatting and hoping to drive me out. It has been quite hostile and confrontational at times. I think it is just unhealthy and not sure if it solves any problems by being under same roof when there is alot of resentment and anger. On top of that, there are the stresses of the D process. Any talk of R of finances really intensifies the sitch. Do you have kids?
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Old 22nd January 2007, 12:27 PM   #3
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My ex-husband and I live in the same home. We have been divorced for nearly a year and he has been living in the finished basement while we wait for it to sell. We were married for many years and have been able to be civil during our divorce and following. We don't discuss anything except the most superficial topics. We respect each others privacy. If I do laundry, I will put an item of his in too and if he goes to the store he will pick up something I need if asked. Having said all this, I admit, it is not easy at times and feels very unnatural. I think there is just too much history between us, and to live like roomates after being a couple for so long is a strain, no matter how hard we try. It's most certainly a test of self control at times. The only real advice is to stay cool, follow your own routine independently, limit your interactions and be as tolerant as you can.
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Old 23rd January 2007, 4:20 PM   #4
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Thanks for your replies. Thankfully, we don't have kids. He's still wanting to spend time with me, even though it's just not pleasant between us to do that, and I'm feeling SO ready to move on with my personal life, make new friends, new hobies, etc. I'm not wanting to start dating or anything, just following my own path, you know? So since he still wants to spend time with me, it makes it awkward to just tell him where I'm going and not invite him. I know he's still getting used to all of this (whereas I've known for 2 years), so I'm trying to be sensitive.
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Old 23rd January 2007, 4:22 PM   #5
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I would just stay away from the house as much as possible. Be gone alot.
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Old 23rd January 2007, 7:47 PM   #6
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Ok, it's hard not to overlook everything...

Did you all calmly ignore the OM or OW in their life? I check his cell and see her name pop up everyday and I get pissed. I did make a rude comment today but that is after holding it for past couple of wks. I can't seem to eliminate the emotional part of it!!! I don;t even like the person that my H has become but I just can't ignore the attention that he is giving to someone else.
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Old 23rd January 2007, 7:49 PM   #7
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ooops, this is...

tips for staying together topic, not ranting.

I agree, stay away as much as possible but when u have young kids it's pretty hard to do.
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Old 26th January 2007, 11:43 AM   #8
 
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There not much you can do about staying sane while living together. lol.

Tips? Try not to engage in converstaion, avoid fighting, sleep in different beds, don't care for him (don't do his laundry, make him food, etc), and stick to your plan. Weekly therapist visits help too!
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