Newly divorced, newly married!!

[stevensgirl]

I have a question and hope someone can give me some good advice. My divorce became final about a month ago, it had been in the process for nearly a year, last Saturday I got married for the 2nd time to a man who has been divorced for nearly 2 years. I love this man and his 3 children very much (I have 2 children of my own) we all live together in the same home and seem to get along very well. I have had some issues with him that I have tried to address with help from some good advice I recieved from you all, some of the issues we have been able to resolve but somehow the biggest issues that we have, center around money and his ex-wife. I recieved a pretty decent settlement in my divorce, as well as a home that I am in the process of selling and my children recieve a decent child support check from my ex-husband weekly. I don't need to work, financially I am set. My divorce settlement came from investments my ex-husband made over the years we were married, from both of our incomes. My new husband isn't terribly wealthy, in fact I'd say he is struggling pretty hard, he has had to struggle all of his life. He is a good man, a hard working man and he does his best to provide for his children.

 

Here is my problem: The ex-wife is supposed to pay child support and half of the kids school supplies, band related expenses, doctor bills, etc.. as my husband has full custody of his children and she has visitation every other weekend, she does not pay her child support in full, most often she does not pay at all and in the last 2 years has become more than $10,000.00 in arrears. This woman is in complete denial that her marraige ended, she wanted out of the marraige because she had become involved with another man and thought that relationship was going to go somewhere but it didn't. A year after her divorce from my husband when she realized that our relationship might go somewhere she decided she wanted back in his life but at that point it had become "too late". She has not found out yet, that we were married last Saturday, everyone is keeping it a secret because noone knows what she is going to do when she finds out. This woman breaks into our home every few weeks, she gets the kids house keys, (we've had to change the locks) she'll break things that I've given my husband, sometimes she will go through my clothes or she'll leave her underwear or jewelry in our bed. She has killed a few of our animals (chickens and rabbits) and will quite often ambush us by parking in the back corner of our yard and waiting for us to get home so she can confront us. His children are not allowed to wear anything I've given them when they go to her house for a visit because it upsets her, this is her rule, and causes her to cry all night. She tells the kids not to listen to me because I am not their mom and when the kids come back from a visit with her it takes a couple of days for the youngest one to warm back up to me. She calls him 3-4 times a day and if she cant get him on his cell phone, she'll call the house phone and ask the kids to knock on our door to see if we are having sex. When his children come back from a visit they will bring home cookies and sodas, candy, etc. and they are told not to share with my children because these are "special treats" from her. My husband will not allow me to buy "special treats" for my children because it divides us as a family if I give to only my children and in a way I agree, but it is hard to watch my children have to see the other kids bring home treats that they can not have any of. Anything I purchase for my children I have to purchase for his kids too. This past week my children needed new sneakers so I had to buy his kids shoes, too. Our 2 oldest kids are seniors in high school and in order to buy my sons cap and gown as well as his other senior supplies for graduation, (senior ring, memory book, invitations, thank you cards, etc...) I had to buy his sons cap and gown and supplies too, this cost me almost $800.00 between the 2 of them. All of our children are going on a school band trip in January, each child has to pay $400.00 to be able to go, so I have been making the payments, of $100.00 for each kid, including his children, she has paid nothing and he didn't have the money. When the "breaking in" got its worst a couple of weeks ago, he had me buy some surveillance cameras to put around the house and yard, now every night he'll spend hours watching hours worth of tapes of the front and back doors, just in case she broke in. He has been telling me for a year that he is going to go through the courts to get her to start paying her child support and help support their children but so far has done nothing, he won't even ask her for it. When she brings him a check for part of the child support, he accepts it and won't even mention the rest of what she owes. He says he is waiting until he has enough "evidence" against her before he goes after her. I say his reciept book that shows she is 10 grand in arrears is "evidence" enough. I was going to use the proceeds from my divorce to pay off his home and the credit card debt that they aquired over the last couple of years they were married but I have had serious second thoughts about it. In the last 2 weeks I've spent nearly $5,500.00 on the kids and the bills, at that rate I'll be broke in less than 5 years. I think I would rather contribute the equivilent of a regular paycheck towards our home than to spend it all at once by paying off all of the bills. When an expense comes up and I bring her half up, what if she won't pay for something, such as the band trip he says if she won't and I won't then he will but if she won't pay and if I don't paying her half and he has to then I have to make up the difference by having to pick up the slack with the household bills.

Tonight she will be picking up the kids for her weekend, she will arrive shortly after my husband gets off work. His youngest daughter asked us last night if anyone has to tell her we got married. I told her that we can't really keep it a secret because she will know once she see's our wedding rings, she asked if we can take them off before her mom gets here, my husband told her that is something he's been giving some thought to. He managed to keep us apart for the first 3 months that we were seeing each other, he was sleeping with both of us until I found out. I had a terrible time dealing with that once I found out. I think it would be horribly disrespectful to me and our marraige if he takes off his wedding ring when she gets here tonight, even if he puts it right back on when she leaves. Three nights after we married, I wanted to go to bed early so we could have some alone time but he sat up til nearly 1:00a.m. watching the surveillance camera tapes, it is like he WANTS her to break in, though I haven't figured out why, yet. Part of me thinks it strokes his ego knowing this woman is still freaking out over him. In fact, I know that he likes to have his ego stroked, 2 days after we were married we went out to breakfast and he walked up to a regular waitress of ours and leaned into her to whisper in her ear that there was a misspelling on the sign they have outside. Yes, I was very angry over that but I understand that he had been unmarried for nearly 2 years and he may have forgotten that things like that are unacceptable when you are married. Anyhow, now I'm just rambling and venting..... What do I do or what can I do so that I am not footing the bill for all of the kids expenses and so I'm not paying her way???

[Mz. Pixie]

Thank you, seriously, you just made me feel so much better about my life.

 

This whole thing is a complete fiasco. Why oh why oh why did you marry this person??

 

Let me guess, because you loved him?

 

Love is wonderful and all, but you guys should have discussed all of these other issues upfront and dealt with them before you got married.

 

I am rarely at a loss for words for advice, but this time I am.

 

I have a blended family and with even 1/10th of those issues I would have never gotten married to that person.

 

Since he was sleeping with both of you at the beginning he is partially at fault for her actions. And as far as her breaking into your home and leaving panties and such in your bed?? How do you know she wasn't actually in it?? Especially when he seems to do nothing to make her pay for her actions.

 

I hope some others will weigh in because frankly I am exhausted myself at all of the drama. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but I do not even know where to start.

[a4a]

well obviously she still is holding something over his head to make him want to bow to her.

 

maybe:

 

1. she still is having sex with him and threatens to tell you

2. he tells her he is still in love with her and trying to leave you

3. he is just boffing both of you still

4. she knows where he buried the bodies and is holding that over him.

 

Regardless he is not done with her, and won't be.

Maybe you are a meal ticket for both of them?

 

Tell her yourself that you are married.... why the secret? She is already nutso..... so let her go more nutso and have her ass locked up... unless of course your H is covering something up.

[Touche]

Mz. Pizie expressed very well how I feel as well. Wow, why did you marry this loser who can't even support his own kids? Did you think he'd change after you got married.

 

STOP paying for his kids. He's using you. DEMAND that the ex pay up.

 

Personally, I'd go for an annulment. The chances of this marriage working is almost zero. I'm really sorry to say it but wow....what a big mistake you made.

[norajane]

I was struggling to come up with any advice, but Touche gave you the best advice possible in this situation: GET AN ANNULMENT IMMEDIATELY!

 

This is the man who wouldn't buy you an engagement ring but was shopping for an SUV that YOU could buy for HIM? A month ago you were realizing that marrying this guy would be the worst mistake of your life and you went ahead and married him?

 

The ex-wife...restraining order comes to mind. She killed your animals and breaks into your house? Legal action, plus more legal action for the child support.

 

And your husband? He needs a serious kick in the ass. Why isn't he protecting his children from their seriously wacko mother?

[stevensgirl]

Just a quick update....... The wedding band did stay on while his ex-wife came to pick up the kids, so that was a relief that he didn't try to hide the fact that we are married. I'm not sure what I would have done had he hidden his wedding band.

Anyhow, we argued all weekend long, because I finally told him how I really feel on the issue of his ex-wife, her failure to pay child support, my having to foot the bill for all of the kids "extra's", his flirting, the infrequency of sex I get and a whole host of other problems that we have. He didn't like it too much but "Oh well". We didn't resolve everything but I did let him know that the opening to my wallet just got a whole lot smaller until he does something about the child support issues as well as her paying for half of their kids expenses and even then I am not going to be spending what is my retirement, my future as well as my childrens inheritance. He is o:k with that. The lack of sex, well he claims his ex-wife conditioned him into not needing sex and we are going to work on the frequency. I don't have a problem with the quality but the quantity has left me puzzled for a LONG time. The issue of me having to buy things for his kids whenever I buy something for my kids has come to a screeching halt...... She sent her kids home with all kinds of treats and they decided they want to stick with her "no sharing" rule, they are after all kids and I think considering the difference in their dad's finances and mine it won't take long before they realize that it is petty to play the game their mom has joined them up for!!! The issue with her child support and lack of it, well he is going to go ahead and deal with it through the court system, we agreed that if he is able to get her to pay her child support it can even go into a seperate account for their kids for when they grow up and it won't be as big an issue for me to do the extra things for their kids, but because I want to not because I HAVE to since she won't.

Don't get me wrong folks, I am not as stupid as I sound sometimes but I do love this man, and I am in love with him. He's not extraordinarily good looking, he's doesn't have a drop dead gorgeous body, he isn't terribly well educated (however he is very smart), he's not rich, there are a lot of things he's not but there are a lot of things he is and that is why I love him enough to put up with the things I put up with. I chose him, and I married him, he's mine and I am his. We have problems, some are going to take longer to fix than others but we'll either fix them or figure out a way to get past, through or over them. I come to this website because a lot of you offer really great advice, sometimes I come just to vent my frustrations. I think it is wonderful that some of you look at my life and feel better about your own lives and I hope that someone will see through my life that if you love someone enough, you work hard to protect the relationship or marraige that you have. Anyhow, thanks for the advice.

[CryingCanuck]

I know I've got a long way to go in my situation to let go, but this is a story for a movie script, and I know those stories well....It borders on something like a horror story mixed with a comedy...Cheaper by the dozen comes to mind.

 

WHY IN HECK did you two ever get married? You both really need counselling time apart to sort out what you both want in this marriage. You sounded somewhat level headed, but in hindsight maybe not, simply from marrying someone like your present husband who sounds to be the one who hasn't let go either. Is trust not an issue here? You found out he was sleeping with his EX, which in my mind is totally acceptable if not divorced, but not if he's also sleeping with someone else.... That sound more like getting his cake and pie and EATING IT....

 

 

IS THIS WHAT A REBOUND LOOKS LIKE? ? ?

Jump in guys..............

 

Your's and HIS kids must be totally messed up by all this, you two should go, no,,, RUN as fast as you can to a family therapist and have this thing totally sorted out before the KIDS are injured by all this... You guys made your beds, but the kids are forced to live with it? And that's not fair in the least.

 

sorry if I sound harsh but WOW,

 

CC

[Touche]

So he suckered you into agreeing to STILL provide for the kids. And what happens to the money that goes into the bank account for them? Do you REALLY think that money will end up being for the kids? It's a moot point though. That money is to provide for their needs NOW. It's highly suspiscious if you ask me.

 

Sounds like one way or the other you are going to pay.

[MattN]

I don't even know what to write really this is just bizarre. I mean seriously are you even seeing what your typing? You two have more issues going into your first week of marriage then I had in my 8. I'm not even going to touch on what the kids are going through in all this.

 

Everything sounds basicly the same and your gonna be paying still. I can't believe trust isn't an issue. Love is great and all but you have to see that this marriage is doomed and the more you stay in denial abut it the less money your going to have for yourself and your children when this thing eventually blows up.

[iron_m]

...that includes a psycho ex. that's it...

 

don't like it?

 

RUN FORREST RUN!!!

[stevensgirl]

yeah, I read what I write, hell I am living it so noone knows better than I do how crazy and bizzare this whole thing is. Yeah, this is really messing up the kids, his kids are sufferring from all of this but I try as hard as I can to make our home life here as normal as possible. I don't want to leave because as much as I love my husband, I love his children too. I hoped that once we were married that everything would change and we'd have something that resembled a normal life together. We could, if his ex-wife would let go of him and do what is right by her children.

Yesterday my husband took the day off from work to go to the courts and file an order of contempt on the child support and to try to put a stop to the innapropriate things she says to the kids, he ended up just getting the information on it and has decided to look for an alternate route to go after the child support from her and to make her stop doing and saying the things she does. He was a nervous wreck just sitting in the courtroom waiting to see the victim witness advocate. At first I thought that maybe somewhere in his past he might have gotten in some trouble and that is why he is so afraid of having to take her to court but I had a friend of mine do a background check on him and there is nothing. My guess is that he is just so afraid of her, she is a real whack job and can almost make you believe that everything she says is the gods honest truth. I am 100% positive that he hasn't slept with her since last November when I found out he was still sleeping with her. In his defense, our relationship was only 4 months old, and he wasn't sure if he was going to give it another try with her or if he was going to stay divorced from her. He still loved her when she walked out on him. He never wanted a divorce from her in the first place. The only reason he divorced her is because she wanted another man. I had a nutty when I found out about them still sleeping together because first of all we'd started having unprotected sex and we spent every single afternoon together, most nights I wouldn't go home until 11:00p.m., and I couldn't figure out when he was sleeping with her and as it turned out she would come to his house after work (around 12:00 a.m.) because his house is closer to her job than hers. He was letting her sleep here so she didn't have to drive all the way home in the middle of the night. I know that is a lame excuse but I believe him. She was here, in his bed and things just happened. I told him that he is partially to blame for her actions now because she knew about me and they were still sleeping together.

What this whole thing boils down to is, I was happily married to my 1st husband for nearly 15 years, he left me for a man he'd been with for years, I hadn't even suspected that he might be gay. I was going through all kinds of craziness, I became anorexic, started cutting myself, was drinking more than I ever had in my life and my life was completely falling apart. I met Steven and fell head over heels in love with him and his children. He helped me get through a crazy divorce, my weight is back to normal and I've stopped cutting myself. Unfortunately, I accepted things that happened when our relationship was new that I shouldn't have accepted which brought me to this point in my life. I love him, how can you be with someone for over a year and not love them? I chose to marry him and I want to stay married to him. Steven was in a very bad accident about 6 years ago and has some major health problems, he's not sick as in illness but he has some physical limitations that will get worse with time. I want to be the one who takes care of him when that time comes. He isn't a bad man, he's never hit me, he doesn't drink or do drugs, isn't abusive to the kids. My main complaints with him are the fact that he is a terrible flirt and he seems to have no b@lls when it comes to his ex-wife, wether it is about child support or putting a stop to her harrassing us. There are days that I want to leave and see what it would have been like if I hadn't gotten involved with him so soon after my ex-husband and I split up, I was only on my own for about 6 month, but again I love this man and I don't want to desert him, and I especially don't want to desert the kids, their mom walked out on all of them and they love me just as much as I love them.

Last night we had a pretty big fight, he said something about me and my children that never should have been said in public, it was overheard by a group of people we know. I went off, yelling and screaming and really giving him a piece of my mind. I told him how foolish and bizzare our whole relationship is and has been from day one, I told him all about all of the things that are going on that I hate. I told him that my money is my money and he is pathetic for relying on me to do what their mother is supposed to be doing, and that is just the tip of the iceburg I really let him have it and he pretty much got a dose of all he's put me through in the last year. I don't want to hurt him and God knows that he was hurt last night, I just want everything to be normal for us so we can have a nice, normal family. I just don't know how to get that........

[FlyingHigh]

Where thou start? LOL!

 

So your H has a drop dead gorgeous body, but it's all ego. He doesn't seem to have enough strength (er, balls?) to stand up againts his X. One, instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop while watching the security camera to see when his X will attack, he should've 1) gotten a restraining order against her. 2) file contempt of court. Because he didn't, his X thinks it's OK to to go psycho on your property and harrass you and your family. THis is a sign (VERRRRRY bad) of his disrepest for you and inability to control his X.

 

I come from a blended family. Each of you need to treat each child equally. If not, nothing good will come out of it.

 

You're right. The money you brought into before you two got married is YOURS! Vice versa. Hang on to them, girl! You're going to need them for your kids and you! DO NOT deposit in joint accounts otherwise it will be as good as his.

 

So Stevensgirl, what do you want to do? Love isn't enough especially when there are children (yours) involve especially in light of him playing the two of you. RAtionalize with your head rather than with your heart.

 

If you were Mama Bear in the woods and your cubs' lives are threatened, what do you do?

 

Your kids need their future protected. Who are they relying on?

 

Think about it.....

[jmargel]

he ended up just getting the information on it and has decided to look for an alternate route to go after the child support from her and to make her stop doing and saying the things she does.

 

He still loved her when she walked out on him. He never wanted a divorce from her in the first place. The only reason he divorced her is because she wanted another man.

 

I'm glad you are being honest, and honestly IMO he still has feelings for her. What you said above are TWO huge red flags.

 

The reason why he doesn't want to goto court is because he doesn't want to hurt her, the reason why he hasn't clamped down on anything with her is because he still wants to keep that door open.

 

IMO he moved too fast from this divorce into a marriage with you. As you can see you are in the midst now of dragging all of his baggage.

 

What's even worse is that she wants him back and him spending HOURS looking at these survaliance tapes shows that, like you said he wants to spot her. Sorry but I believe this is more than just his ego getting stroke. As long as she continues to have a foot in the door you are sharing your husband with her.

 

You two seriously need marriage counseling. If he truly loves you and is done with her, he would have NO problem going to the courts, NO problem telling her what these children need and NO problem telling her to stop all of this nonsense. You two should have pressed charges when she broke into your house! Why has nothing been done? What do you expect is going to happen a year from now when this keep continuing? It's going to drive you two further apart. This woman has this game planned out and right now she is winning. The only way to win at this is to *not* play it. Right now your husband seems big on words, little on action.

 

This is nothing against you, you have a heart of gold but I just have a bad feelings about all of this.

[MattN]

I can't even imagine what you went through after the first marriage thats just horrible.

 

The reality is though he still has feelings for her. I mean the relationship started out with them two sleeping together and you still got marriage to him. I think every person has deal-breakers in any relationship and I know cheating should be everyones. You were only together 4 months and found out he was sleeping with his ex wife.

 

She was here, in his bed and things just happened. I told him that he is partially to blame for her actions now because she knew about me and they were still sleeping together.

 

Things just happened? You can not be buying this? He isn't even taking blame for them sleeping together? If he isn't to blame for this then who is? The ex wife? So she forced him to have sex with her?

 

He should be taking all the blame because it is his fault. Too bad if her job is too far away from HER house why the hell should he care? If he isn't even accepting all the blame for this then he definatly isn't sorry for it.

 

I was with my wife for 11 yrs and only seperated almost 3 months and couldn't even imagine being in a seriously relationship with someone else 3 months from now. It sounds like you were having some major issues dealing with your split. Did you ever seek counseling? If not you probably still should but it doesn't sound like you have healed from the first marriage and understandably so that would be very hard but we all need to go through the healing process and find ourselves again.

 

Ok so you married this man but it was a mistake and we all make them. You need to cut your loses and get out now and tell him to go back to his ex wife because trust me he will.

 

Then just focus on yourself and your children and start healing.

[stevensgirl]

Thank you all for the advice...... I know what is going on here, I do see it. I know he still loves his ex-wife, though I don't believe he would take her back, she's done too much damage to him and the kids and still continues to. I'm tired and fed up looking for an answer to solve the problems that we have. Most days I don't know which problem to choose to try to deal with. Today it is the fact that we've been married for 2 weeks and we've only had sex 3 times since. Yesterday it was his middle son telling me that I need to pay another $100.00 for his band trip by today and he's gonna need at least another $100.00 in spending money, not his dad, not his mom....ME. Last night it was his 9 year old refusing to eat the dinner I cooked because her mom told her it makes her feel bad that I am cooking her childrens meals......... My poor children just keep their mouths shut about a lot of the things that happen because as my 17 year old told me "this boat is rocking so much I'm afraid one wrong move from me will tip it over". Believe it or not we do all love each other, we've all been together for over a year. I understand that there are things that happened that he should take complete blame for, his sleeping with his ex was partly my fault too. After what happened with my ex-husband I did tell Steven that if he slept with someone else that I didn't want to know, I also told him that if he did not to come to me for sex the next day or even the next and he took that to mean as long as there was a couple of days in between that I wouldn't mind. I should have been more specific.

I don't know how any of this happened, God, Steven isn't even my type. It seems like I just woke up one day and the life I knew for so long was over with the discovery that my husband was gay, next thing I know I'm smack dab in the middle of this mans life with his psycho ex-wife and his clingy, needy children. I don't mean that the way it sounded but they are very needy and I don't mind giving them what they need whether it is love and caring or things you buy, I do love these kids. Now I'm married to him, I couldn't have imagined myself divorced once and now I'm facing the possibility of another one in less than 2 years?? I've cut myself 2x in the last 2 days, I hadn't done that in so long, and just so noone is alarmed I make very small cuts in my thigh or upper arm. I am not suicidal, never have been, never would. That is something I've done for years, it didn't start with either of my 2 husbands. I'm going to be 40 years old in 2 weeks and its like every day for the last year and a half, every morning when I wake up I am starting over trying to get back to the "normal", if you can call it normal that I had. Steven and his ex-wife have a love/hate relationship, they love to hate each other and that is what is happenening to us now. I don't understand the whole child support issue, she doesn't owe it to him, she owes it to the kids. I told him the other night that it isn't my responsibility to provide for them and it isn't just his, she made them WITH him. Anyhow, I spoke to an investment advisor and I am going to put all of my money away for now until I can think with a clear head about what I want for MY future. As for the selling of my home, Steven wants me to pay off the home we live in, his home and I SHOULD help pay the mortgage IF I am going to stay married to him but I think it should be just like every other normal couple....Monthly. I asked him if he was going to put my name on the house too if I paid it off and he said no. That and he has said one too many times that he could always tell me GTFO if I do something he doesn't like.....It took me a while to figure out what GTFO meant, when I asked him he told me "Get the f#@k out, that scares me, even if he is just joking. I asked him last night when the last time he deposited one of his paychecks in the bank and its been weeks, yet he is behind on the bills, I guess cause he's waiting for me to pay them. I won't though, I've already put thousands of dollars into this home in the last few weeks. I really do love this man, there is no doubt, he wasn't a rebound guy, like I said he's not the best looking guy in the world, nor the smartest there is just something about him. When my ex and I seperated, I lost 50 lbs, was just under 100lbs (I'm 4'7") and was getting attention from plenty of guys so no, I didn't just choose the first one that came along, I honestly did fall in love with him. I guess the next few weeks will help me decide what I will do. I've decided to stop pushing the issue of her and her child support and just see what he does, last night he was reading the contempt papers he got from the court to file against her. I am taking down all the cameras, I might leave 1, just in case but I am not going to play this game any longer with him, with her or with myself. That's all for now, thank you again for the advice, I'll check back in just in case anyone else has some good suggestions.

[norajane]

You're cutting yourself again, he wants you to pay off his mortgage without putting your name on the title, your kids are walking on eggshells, etc. etc. etc.

 

Why in the world was it so important to YOU to marry this guy? Marriage is not required, even if there is love. There were so many signals that this would be a disaster. Why are you holding on to it now?

 

Get an annulment and get your head together before getting involved with another life-sucking leech. You owe it to your children to get out of this mess as soon as possible. Things are NOT going to get better - surely, you see that?

[jmargel]

After what happened with my ex-husband I did tell Steven that if he slept with someone else that I didn't want to know, I also told him that if he did not to come to me for sex the next day or even the next and he took that to mean as long as there was a couple of days in between that I wouldn't mind. I should have been more specific.

 

Wow.. You know this guy does have a brain and he knows full well that cheating is unacceptable. You are blaming yourself for HIS misbehavior! My God, he has you brainwashed.

 

I asked him if he was going to put my name on the house too if I paid it off and he said no. That and he has said one too many times that he could always tell me GTFO if I do something he doesn't like.....It took me a while to figure out what GTFO meant, when I asked him he told me "Get the f#@k out, that scares me, even if he is just joking.

 

Red flag!!

 

Don't you see the pattern here? This has become all about money with him. You pay the bills, pay for his kids, pay for everything while he's still messing around with this ex-wife (if not phsycially, then emotionally). He's not giving you what you need and trust me, he's not going to. Good chance he treated his ex-wife the same way he's treated you and now she's pretty much insane. How long will it take before you start acting like her and become labeled a looney toon?

 

This guy knows how to work the ladies. For some odd reason he knows the things to say to you to get what he needs, while at the same time keep his ex stringing along. Your own son said it best. This boat is rocking very hard. You and your kids do not deserve to be riding this roller coaster ride and honestly until he gets his issues straightened out with his ex, this ride is not going to stop.

 

Honestly besides you 'loving' him, what are you getting out of this marriage? What is he giving you that he's not giving his ex? You are way too good to be put through this turmoil.

 

Do not spend another dime on him, tell him to move out and when he gets things straightened out with his ex and gets his priorities straight only then will you even *think* about marriage counseling and the possibility of having a married life with him.

[Touche]

Disgusting. That's all I could say when I read that. Your husband is really disgusting. I can't imagine what made you fall in love with this loser.

 

When my husband and I got married, he went and put my name on the house. Truthfully, I never even thought about it. He just did that. Your husband is a REAL loser.

 

And if you give him ONE more dime, you're a fool. Once again, I urge you to get an annulment. Get it over with and APOLOGIZE to your kids for putting them through this. Tell them that you made a mistake and that you're sorry.

 

It doesn't sound like there's much love in this relationship at all. And if that kid came to ME for the band money, you know what I would have done? I would have dialed the mother's number in front of the kid and told her that her kid needed money for band. I would have told her that you don't want to act like you're their mother since you know how much that bothers her. I mean come on! It bothers her that you cook dinner for them but apparently it doesn't bother her that you give HER kids money for school stuff?

 

Don't you see that this whole family is using you? Your husband treats you and speaks to you like you're a dog! Actually, I take that back. People don't even treat their DOGS this badly.

 

Please get out before you ruin your life and your children's lives anymore.

 

Find a place for all of you and please get help. You really need it. In my opinion this life with this man that you chose is no different than choosing to cut yourself. You're self-destructive. I hope you can start to heal quickly.

[jmargel]

Stevensgirl though the past few replies might seem harsh to you, we are seeing this from an 'outsiders' point of view. Sometimes when you are in the middle of the situation you can't really see certain things.. What they say is very true: Love is blind.

 

We tell you these things not to be mean, but we are very concerned for you. Our only care right now is about you and your children.

[ilmw]

Ummmm...I don't normaly say this...BUT.. get the hell out of there and don't look back...

 

You and your kids don't need.... and should not have to be living in this 'Soap Opera' from hell....

 

all the best...

ilmw