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Would like a 2nd chance for insecure girlfriend. NC or chase??


looneytunes

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Hi all,

 

My girlfriend and I have broken up because she was just so insecure about our relationship that she could not take it anymore. I have posted before so to make a long story she was not ready for a relationship when I was so I continued to talk to my ex's while we were dating.

It has been about 3 years (with a 1 1/2 break in between) and she became more insecure for many different reasons.

She thinks that she needs to "find herself" and learn to be comfortable with herself again before we can be together. I did a very poor job of making her feel special when we were together, but I truly appreciate what we had now.

My question is this. For a breakup that was caused by insecurities and lack of trust. Is it better to have no contact with her or should I keep doing things to show her how much I care? She has made angry comments before about me never chasing a girl. Not knowing how because I've never had to do it. She's absolutely right. What to do?

 

Thanks in advance

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lostNconfusedx10

That is a tough one buddy. I've had girlfriends on both ends of the spectrum. Those that want to chase, and those that want to be chased. There was something i read on the internet about couples called "The dance". I bet if you searched on google or something you'll find it. Basically it was a story with one major concept. Just as there are ways you can push someone away, there are ways you can pull someone towards you. But you cant just pick one. "The dance" invloved a bit of pushing away, and a bit of pulling towards you. Its not so much as a game, but a way to create mystery and intrigue. Mix it up. Try chasing, see what happens. Then switch to no contact and see what happens. There no real answer to give, especially for an insecure person. Just try and feel it out

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My ex gf wanted me to chase her to a certain extent when we were dating. I even wanted her to chase me too. When we were dating and had arguments, sometimes I would pretend like I'm about to leave her house and get in my car and take off and I would want her to come out and tell me to "get back here" and she did on several occassions. Sometimes she would hang up on me on the phone during an argument only because she wanted me to chase her by calling her back which I did. She wasn't at all irritated that I called back. So we seem to chase each other. If I didn't call her back she would ask why I didn't call her.

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Thank you both for the replies. While we have had our 1 month NC, I've been a bundle of many different emotions; Angry, hurt, sad, depressed, relieved. Many times I've started letters to her that expressed these emotions. I have decided that nothing that has happened between us is worth keeping us apart. I don't know if she feels the same anymore or not. We have been through a lot. November 9th will be the end of the 1 month NC rule. On days that I have new "realizations" about our relationship I have been writing my thoughts down. In these thoughts I focus on why she is special to me and my mistakes... why I believe that we would not be in the same place if we got back together. My initial thoughts are to show up at her door as I call her at midnight with some flowers and another more personal gift. Nothing major just a shirt that is exactly what I would be wearing because she likes to be "twinkies." Instead of e-mailing her all of my thoughts I am going to read them to her. I expect her to be a little cold because in order for her to function and not deal with any emotions where I am concerned she has to pull away and put up a wall. If she has to think about it that is fine. I am not going to push her. When I leave her house, I think I will finally be able to move on with my life. My friends wonder why I try so hard to make things work with our relationship. My answer is that I want to live my life without any regrets. I want to do what I feel is everything I could possibly have done so I can look back without any doubts about what else I could have done. What do you guys think about this?

One more question. She was always so insecure about other women being attracted to me and did not trust me. As I have been single, I went out quite a bit and met quite a few women in different social settings. She was always in my thoughts and no matter how attractive the women it didn't really matter. she is the only woman I want to be with. Should I tell her about this? I want to tell her so that she will understand that she is the only one for me. I have made stupid comments in the past which I thought showed that she was special. "It's not hard for me to meet girls.. if I didn't love you I wouldn't be with you." So dumb... it's not hard to meet people of the opposite sex.. BUT it's definitley hard to find the RIGHT person, which is her.

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It certainly isn't hard for me to meet other women. I'm going back to the same dating website that I met my ex gf from to meet some other women. I'm just looking to make new friends now. I'm not dating anyone else exclusively now. I've met my last 2 gfs from the same site and I can do it again. Now it's just a matter of getting over my ex first.

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