So after a long journey, i still have feelings for my ex. Please look and give advice

[Lazer77]

Well, this quite a long story, but i will do my best to give a decent summary with all of the important details. So heads up, this should end up to be quite a long read.

 

Well, last summer i was at one of my friend's houses, and i have to say hes been a friend for a VERY long time. He has been telling me about this new girlfriend he had for a few months now, and i went over there to avoid some of my parent's friends over at my house. I met her, and said nothing more than hey. Well once school started that year she would be a freshman, and i would be a junior, and she would constantly catch me in the hallway and try to talk to me. Originally i had zero interest in her at all because i would feel a bit guilty for getting with my good friend's girlfriend, especially one he would obsess over. So she would talk to me at school, contact me outside of school, and constantly ask if i wanted to go hang out at her place.

 

I always denied so we never get too familiar with each other, but one day i felt that i have been a little mean making up excuses so often, and i just gave in. I met her family, they were great, but then i hung out with her and i realized where she came from. Her past was pretty bad, and she was quite bad in her current situation too, Chris (the friend i met her through) was obviously not too nice to her, and she would resort to such things as smoking and cutting herself. Another thing is that when Marlee (the girl this is about) was born, her mom had something happen to a nerve inside of her head, so she lost her sense of balance. She spent the first 3-4 years in bed every day because she couldnt move, because she was so dizzy, and once Marlee got a little older she began thinking that it was her fault that she ruined her mothers life. Her mom currently works at home, so i talk to her online alot (this will be important a little later in my entire story). I felt really bad about this because her personality was so great, and she has to destroy herself through those negative things. So i hung out with her the next weekend, and sadly enough i got a little crush on her, but i kept hanging out with her trying to bring her back to her feet. But then by the next weekend i had a huge crush on her, so again i hung out at her house, but then later that evening i asked her out. She seemed pretty happy about it, and our relationship was for a good while too. Then she occasionally started to act a bit wierd, and broke up with me but she was obviously interested in staying friends. We got back together a week later, which lasted about an additional 1-2 weeks.

 

I managed to stay friends with her though, really good ones too. So it is definately safe to say that we were friends to begin with and we currently are. A little while passed and i asked her out for dinner on Valentine's Day, and she agreed and said she would prefer spending it with me than anyone else. So we went out to eat, hung out a bit at her house, and that was the end of the night. Then she said she wanted to watch a movie with me, which she rented and set up a little "date" 2 days after Valentine's Day, so i agreed. But that day after school she called me and said she cant because she has alot of schoolwork to do, i figured it was okay, so i just went about my life. Later that evening my friend (Chris) invited me to his house to play Halo for a bit, well while i was over there i found Marlee hanging out over there, and i was super angry. I tried to avoid her that entire evening just so i didnt say something id regret. But that was the start of something stupid. I stopped talking to her up until mid-July altogether. She would constantly try to talk to me, call me, and so forth, but i just ignored her. I talked to her mom online and she gave me the news that Marlee said she misses hanging out with me, and so forth, but she said that she would give up soon because i wouldnt even consider being friends again.

 

Well about mid-July i started to feel super guilty about everything. I remember her saying that she would love to hang out with me so much because she can be herself all the time without worrying that she would offend me or anything. So it just ate away at my conscience, eventually i was at work and it was super slow so i had tons of time to think about it. I sent a text message apologizing, and she came in later that day. Ever since that day i have been trying to become best friends with her again, and im actually pretty successful.

 

I just broke up with my current girlfriend (Jenny) a few days ago, and to be honest she doesnt mean as much to me as Marlee does. Last weekend i went with Marlee and her mom to a little local concert, and she gave me some pretty big hints that i think she may like me again. One of which, we left the concert for a bit to grab something to eat, her mom left the table and immediately she asked about how im doing with my current girlfriend. Then she mentioned her "Backups" in case something happens with her and her current boyfriend (which already did happen), but i know for a fact that one of those "backups" are fake because her mom told me something similar, and it didnt go the way she explained it. Im assuming she mentioned those backups just so i get jealous. The other big hint was when they were driving me back home, she kept glancing at me in the rear view mirror, and once she figured out that i know whats going on she said "Sorry, im a bit boy crazy now", and then her mom said "Better watch out, you might have to fight Jenny to get to him" (Jenny is my current girlfriend), and immediately after that Marlee kept asking questions about that. It was a bit akward. Then i invited them in since our families are basically best friends as well, everyone gets along so well. They talked for a bit and then Marlee gave me this strange intimate hug, wasnt really a friendly hug but she tried to make it a little sexy, giving me the idea that she was flirting the entire day. Alongside of that, her and her mom kept saying how much they like me, even down to the smallest details like she said "I never noticed how tall you are", and i responded with something which i forgot, but then she said "I wish my boyfriend was tall". Little hints like that too.

 

So this flirting went on in school for a bit last week. Her mom invited me to get ice cream with them (im assuming because Marlee was too shy or something) one night, i think Wednesday. So we hung out, and she tried to give me these little flirtsy hugs in the car and stuff. I called her that night and asked if she wanted to watch this one movie i have been waiting to see, she said sure and asked if Friday was okay, i told her that im going to the football game and she asked if she could come over and watch the movie, then go to the game with me. She sounded pretty excited so i decided to go through with it. Then on Friday she came over, her sister wanted to come too and i was fine with that, and Chris wanted to come as well (i was a bit skeptical, but i figured it was fine). So after the movie her sister left and it was just me, Chris, and Marlee hanging out. Chris was irritating her a bit, but i didnt say too much because i didnt want to make myself a bit too obvious, i let her do it on her own. I guess she has some girl that hates her currently, and i forgot what i mentioned but it was just a joke about me and her getting closer, and she mentioned "I dont want another girl to hate me", referring to Jenny.

We didnt hang out too much at that game, she is one of the people that go to the game to talk to friends and stuff, but i usually go to hang out with a ton of people but mainly to sit down and actually watch the game. So i didnt see her too much, eventually we left (alone, without Chris he stayed). Then in the car i put the music on a little loud, and then she turned it down and started to ask questions about how im doing with Jenny. Later we went to the store just to hang out, waste time some way, and we go to the topic of my cousin (its a very sensitive subject to me, im an only child and he was basically like my brother. He got into drugs and now he is schizophrenic, and im not too comfortable talking to anyone about this, but i trust Marlee). She got really upset and tried to cheer me up. Then we went to her house for a bit, i talked to her mom and sister a little and then it was just me and Marlee hanging out. We went on talking about my cousin and how i want her to stop smoking and stuff (she picked up smoking again), and then i got quite sad to be honest, i was close to tearing up but i just kept quiet. She then reached over and started to hug me, and gave me a kiss on the cheek (she actually broke up with her boyfriend yesterday, this happened two days ago). Just today she already set up another little plan for Friday to go see some movie i dont even know about.

 

The other night i was online talking to her mom, and she said something like "You are my favorite of her boyfriends", "I just wish sometimes that you and her would be more than friends, but i know that cant happen at its current state". Not exactly quoted, but it was basically in that sense.

 

Now just last night we spent the whole day together after school, we went out to eat, and i nagged her about smoking a little bit. Then we hung out at my house, had a pretty good time, and then we went out to the movies. During the movie we had fun, laughing alot because it was hard to take the movie seriously, but i wasnt too comfortable pulling a move because both of us seem rather confused. So i asked her if she would mind if i put my arm around her and she gave a really confused response, something like - "Uhh...yeah, sure, i dunno", so i asked again she said "I dunno, maybe, go ahead", so i said that ill take that as a no. It didnt totally backfire and ruin the evening though, i didnt do it after all, but we still had a good time the rest of the time, even though it started to wind down the last few minutes.

 

I realize this was a hefty read, just i want some advice on where to take the situation now. I would be interested in dating her again, but then again i would also be interested to get her to quit smoking as a friend. Her mom really wants us to get back together as well, even though thats kind of irrelivant. Its just that even she says that i can always bring out the best of her, almost whenever she is feeling super bad. But right now, i am totally lost as of what to do in the near future.

 

So im in serious need of advice/help. I realize i left a ton of gaps in the story, so if you're missing anything important then just ask and ill be glad to answer. Thanks again for the help, and for at least reading it down to this point.

 

-Pawel

[Lazer77]

Can somebody please respond, im so confused on what to do with this entire situation.

[crazy_grl]

Wow. You weren't joking about it being lengthy were you?

 

This girl has definitely got problems. The fact that she cuts herself is serious, and has nothing to do with how Chris or anyone else treats her... except maybe her parents or someone else in her past. In time, she'll probably grow up and overcome those issues, but for now, they're going to be a serious problem for you if you get involved.

 

It's difficult for me to decide what you should do since it sounds like you're still a teenager and learning on your own. If you were older, I wouldn't hesitate to tell you to run like hell.

 

For your own sanity, I don't think you should get involved with this girl. You're very attached to her, and I'm sure she's interested in you too, but I think she's just gonna run on you and make your life difficult because of the issues she's got going on. *Maybe* you could give it a try if you agreed to take things slowly... as in, just going out on your dates once in awhile like you're doing now and mostly just being friends w/o dating other people.

 

And I think you should break up with your current girlfriend (If you're still dating her. I got lost on that aspect). It's not fair to her when you're obviously not that interested in her.

[Lazer77]

Yeah, i broke up with her.

 

I do agree with you though, i shouldnt bother with her, but its my heart that wont let it go. She flirts with me the most, without a doubt, but then sometimes she will do it to others here and there, but she gets the closest to me. Even though i am the only one, i still get that feeling that i shouldnt even bother until like you said, she grows up, but who knows when that will be.

 

I just cant convince myself to do it, even though i know its for the best.

[Lazer77]

Anyone else?

[Lazer77]

Well today, she mentioned that she has a crush on me. Kept saying how cute i look, and so forth. But she said that she knows she dated me before, the only thing is that she is a little more "physical" than i am. Odd, but i got the answer at least.

[Lazer77]

I was talking to her mom on AIM today, and she told me this. I took out the names since its not allowed here, but the C is her, and the L is me.

 

c (7:35:04 PM): Marlee and I went driving , and she said " I think I like Pawel again "

L (7:35:17 PM): yea, i got info from her today too, and it was a little bit of both good and bad

L (7:35:21 PM): just out of nowhere, or did you ask?

c (7:35:37 PM): out of no where